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Pirates Of The Stupid Seas!

April 10, 2012: Pirates Of The Stupid Seas!

Like Angry Birds with an overactive Y chromosome.

By Steve Heisler • April 10, 2012

If the Angry Birds weren’t a bunch of sissies, they’d be in Pirates Of The Stupid Seas!Angry Birds laced with testosterone. Using a treasure map as your guide, you sail to uncharted waters where enemy ships lay waiting full of treasure. Or sometimes they’re just in your way. You don’t care; you’re a freakin’ pirate. Using your cannon, you shoot at the ships’ sails and crewmembers until there’s nothing left to do but plunder the motionless vessel for chests full of 8-track tapes and snow globes. Yar. It’s all very manly.

Manliness lends itself to masochism, so it’s not surprising that Pirates Of The Stupid Seas! introduces infuriating challenges to muck up its central conceit. The enemy is on a boat, after all, which sails away as you fire cannon balls at it. Thus without the ability to easily see both boats at once, it becomes difficult to properly aim your cannon—which, by the way, has a surprisingly few number of shots available (at least until you upgrade it). Plus, as you progress from one level to the next, your enemies gain the ability to fire back with far more accuracy and firepower than your rinky-dink vessel.

You’re forced to move fast, which reduces the shooting puzzles—firing at ships that change construction each iteration—to frantic cannonball frenzies. At least, it feels that way until you knock out a ship’s sail (typically out of sheer luck), slowing its movement so you can go in for the kill. It’s hard to fully appreciate Pirates Of The Stupid Seas! until that type of thing happens. This sort of blind adrenaline is the kind of EpiPen jolt Angry Birds needs.

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252 Responses to “April 10, 2012: Pirates Of The Stupid Seas!

  1. Basement Boy says:

    Ahoy! Will have to check this one out… dang bosses lurking about.

  2. Speaking if angry birds, curse those fowl harpies! YARR!

  3. Destroy Him My Robots says:

    I’m just gonna go ahead and hijack this space right here to say RIP Jack Tramiel. Is Gameological gonna do topical articles? Would be pretty sweet if we could get a retrospective because I grew up with Commodore and I’m selfish.

    Incidentally, I just set up an AROS VM last week out of interest. It’s impressive, but from an end-user standpoint also awful.

    • Drew Toal says:

      Commodore was the best.

    • The_Misanthrope says:

       Best remembered for the Commodore 64, least remembered for the Datasette.  There is one upshot to the Datasette, however:  I will always have an old-man “back when I was a kid…” trump-card for anyone that complains about long loading times.

      • AuroraBoreanaz says:

        I had one of the cassette drives for my Atari 400.  God that thing was pathetic.  C64’s floppy drive was so much faster…it only took 20 (!) minutes to load a game!

  4. trilobiter says:

    WELP, I just spent much too much of my life on this game.  But I did get all of the treasures except one, and that one was fiendish indeed.  Somehow, I think I can live without it.

  5. Sarah Sharp says:

    Although the game itself is kind of slipshod at times, I found the images of treasure weirdly hilarious.