Murder ReportVideo

The E3 2012 Murder Report: Nintendo

Nintendo surpasses low expectations and contributes a few disembowelments to the cause.

By John Teti • June 7, 2012

Check out the Microsoft Murder Report and the Sony Murder Report.

Everybody knows the old saying about E3 press conferences: Come for the wholesale murder, stay for the continued wholesale murder. In celebration of the expo’s kill-riffic qualities, we’re crunching the numbers this week on the Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo press conferences. Who racks up the highest body count? And what about the stories behind the deaths?

In the third and final edition of the Murder Report, Nintendo posts a surprisingly respectable number. Nobody expected the friendly folks from Kyoto to make much of a dent in the week’s body count, but Nintendo defied the admittedly low expectations. The company even goosed its human-death number with a brutal Ninja Gaiden mini-trailer. Thanks for your contribution, Big N!

Share this with your friends and enemies

Write a scintillating comment

  • http://www.onelinetaxcode.com/ root (1ltc)

    Won’t someone please think of the children (.jpg).

  • HobbesMkii

    Nintendo: obviously a giant humanist.

  • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

    You know what the Nintendo conference needed? More goomba murder.

    • X_the_Anonymous_Man_or_Woman

       Mushroom goombas or reptile goombas?

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

        Wait, there are reptile goombas? Or are you referring to koopa troopas?

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

           I’m feeling charitable to suggest that he might be referring to the stupid Mario Bros. movie.

        • X_the_Anonymous_Man_or_Woman

           @bakana42:disqus  is correct, I am a horrific person for attempting to remind people of that movie.

          BWA HA HA HA!

  • Afghamistam

    I love smooth fucking jazz.

    Close chords really facilitate heavy petting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/geoffreymgordon Occupy Geoff Gordon

    When Atari game designers were sitting around getting high and envisioning the future of gaming back in the early 80s, this is what their bad trips looked like.