Out This Week is a roundup of new games that are out this week. These listings don’t constitute an endorsement or a review of any sort. We also don’t pretend that this is an exhaustive list. If there’s a game on the horizon that interests you, share it in the comments.

Pokémon Conquest
Nintendo DS—June 19

Feudal Japan mixed with cute animals? I’m intrigued, but I want to know more. It’s time again for New Games As Explained By The YouTube Comments On Their Trailers.

An action paced Pokemon spin off? I would buy it. More mature? No! Fuck you.

If you are an attractive girl or woman, then ok, if not, go to hell. Also, what is wrong with having a darker theme to go with the game?

P.S.: When the word “mature” is used, please refrain from thinking only about sex, blood, gore, etc, as it represents Much more than that.

Hideyoshi Toyotomi, Mitsuhide Akechi, Kenshin Uesugi, Shingen Takeda, Yukimura Sanada(?), Nobunaga Oda, Inahime(?), and all of the characters in the little boxes, like Motochika Chōsokabe.

This is based on the past… But that doesnt make sense… Mewtwo was created by scientists in the future.. but he appears in the past.. strange :( i wonder if its just randomly done or if they have a story to it :/

What?

WHAT THE FUCK?

Where is the Pokémon games i grew up with?

WHERE IS THE GAME THAT STARTS WITH A ANNOYING DOCTOR SAYING SHIT I ALREADY KNEW 15 YEARS LATER?

Asking if i’m a boy or girl and asking my name?

WHERE IT IS?

It’s not on my pocket,i swear.

I’m really looking forward to this game,but i do not consider it a Pokémon game.

I’m going to start using “WHERE IT IS?” as the subject line in emails to writers whenever one of them misses a deadline. They’re going to love it!!!!!

Sid Meier’s Civilization V: Gods And Kings
Mac, PC—June 18

According to the developers, in this expansion to Civilization V, “your navy is now split into two different ship types, mêlée and ranged.” Wait, what the hell does mêlée naval combat look like?

Sid Meier = a genius.

Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor
Xbox 360—June 19

People used to make fun of the Steel Battalion controller, because it was this homely thing with millions of buttons. Well, with Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor, all those extra buttons have been replaced with Kinect motion-control commands, which are guaranteed to be cumbersome and malfunction and make you hate all video games, now and forever. You can almost hear the Steel Battalion developers saying, “I bet you wish you had all those nice reliable buttons now, don’t you?” Which makes Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor the first video game developed entirely out of spite.