Sawbuck Gamer

60 Seconds Burger Run

Fast Food

In 60 Seconds Burger Run, getting proper exercise is all a matter of motivation.

By Drew Toal • July 26, 2012

Sawbuck Gamer is our daily review of a free of cheap ($10 or less) game.

You’re a morbidly obese flame-broiled meat enthusiast, and you’ve just received word that your favorite burger joint is shutting its door forever in 60 seconds. What do you do? What do you do? The brick-breaking lard ball of 60 Seconds Burger Run doesn’t have much in common physically with the Keanu Reeves of Speed, but both must move quickly, make split-second decisions, and operate with the knowledge that one wrong move spells disaster.

You have one minute to traverse a strange land of floating bricks, spikes, and a fairy-powered flying school bus. If you die, or run out of time, you have to start again at the very beginning. You’ll have to use every second to make it to that great McDonalds in the sky. This game, despite its titular brevity, is hard—almost unfairly so. You need to put that flabby hero through a nearly perfect run through seven linked levels to beat the clock, and—especially during the last few boards—you only have a few seconds to learn how they work. Decoys and false paths increase the frustration level, but if you can get through the game without smashing your computer into a million pieces, maybe you’ll be able to sit down for a burger with Blade, Striker, and the president.

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227 Responses to “Fast Food”

  1. Effigy_Power says:

    So… apart from the message of this game, which ranks somewhere between biting sarcasm and disgusting consumerism (the fact that it’s on Newgrounds makes me think it’s the latter), this game serves no purpose but to be as annoying, frustrating and stress-inducing as humanly possible.
    What a peachy process.
    Especially when the goal sometimes turns out to be a prank, resulting in the 50th “You dead, haha” screen, this little gem has all the entertainment factor of trying to fish an old chip out of a bag of broken glass.

    • JudgeReinhold says:

      So…did you like it? Not like it? I can’t tell. 

    • Merve says:

      This game would probably be improved with a 90-second time limit.

      • Aaron Riccio says:

        It’s fast food, not slow food. I don’t know what sort of crap McDonald’s service YOU’RE used to, but 90 seconds is inexcusable. I want that food now. NOW!

    • George_Liquor says:

       Play this Fast Food:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbo3SdoK1n8

      You’ll like it better.

      • Effigy_Power says:

        That is just wrong. But at least you’ll learn a skill.
        Not sure “Pickle-dodging” has the same connotations everywhere tho…

      • Merve says:

        Uh oh. Watch out, Mr. Glitch!

      • George_Liquor says:

        And now I realize this game isn’t actually called Fast Food. Hooray reading comprehension.

      • doyourealize says:

        I like how the reviewer tells us how the food speeds up every level, thus giving the title of the game it’s double meaning. Then he goes and explains the double meaning, in case you don’t know what “fast” means, or “food” for that matter. Not sure if this is to pad length or he doesn’t trust us to figure that out on our own.

    • ImANarc says:

      How do you think the message compares to that of Eat at Ralph’s?

      • Effigy_Power says:

        At least that taught you that eating a load of crap would make people barf… even if it also taught them that you could just re-eat that… eww…
        A minute of the pace the “character” takes in this game would end in a triple coronary.

    • Aaron Riccio says:

      Yeah, I think Drew was on the mustard when he pointed out how unfair the learning curve is — figuring out that there are shortcuts helps slightly, and the pranks only catch you once, so after Limbo, I’m fine with that. But having to replay the same easy forty-five seconds over and over again simply to figure out the trick in the final stage, well, that’s a bit tedious. 

      Incidentally, in what trippy city is this dude living, what with the bus arriving EXACTLY when you do, time and time again, oh, and breaking the speed of light, apparently, as it transports you to the next place without deducting any time. 

      The biggest prank of all would be this same game, only when you arrive at the first bus stop, you lose, because you wait. And wait. And wait. 

      You could call it, “Waiting for Food, Oh.” 

      • Effigy_Power says:

        It makes you fatter than Godot.

        • Aaron Riccio says:

          Point is, I imagine waiting around doing nothing would cause you to gain a lot more weight than running long-distance dashes to get food. Although I suppose slowly starving and dwindling away ala Beckett is a rather profound type of diet. Fail better.

        • lokimotive says:

          The most effective Beckett diet is Krapp’s Last Tapeworm