Sawbuck Gamer

Jack Lumber

Axe And You Shall Receive

Jack Lumber delivers timber-fueled mania.

By Adam Volk • September 20, 2012

Sawbuck Gamer is our daily review of a free or cheap ($10 or less) game.

In the hierarchy of manly occupations, it goes: Navy SEAL, cigarette spokes-cowboy, Don Draper look-alike, velociraptor wrangler, lumberjack.

The latter is the focus of Jack Lumber, a testosterone-fueled chop-’em-up. You take on the role of the titular character, a flannel-clad, “Axe first, ask questions later” woodsman, out for revenge after an evil tree flattens his dear old grandmother. Your goal is to chop apart as many logs as possible, making use of the same finger-blistering action as the popular Fruit Ninja series. Each level features a variety of logs, which fly onto the screen in slow motion to then split down the middle as quickly as possible before time, and gravity, kick in.

Jack Lumber, however, is more than just a mindless wood-splitting experience, requiring dexterity and strategy. The game ramps up the difficulty with logs that can only be cut in one direction, logs that require multiple slices, and special fire and ice logs. The result is frenetic, sap-spattered action across 25 different levels as you prepare for the climactic showdown with the dirty son-of-a-birch who killed your beloved granny.

You’ll also unlock cutesy cartoon animal characters, purchase various maple syrups (which provide special abilities), and receive letters from an irate park ranger and an amorous, axe-wielding Lumber Jill. Toss in a distinct animated style, and the end result is both a tree hugger’s worst nightmare and an addictive lumber-chopping homage to that most manly of professions.

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17 Responses to “Axe And You Shall Receive”

  1. Raging Bear says:

    *Liked* for tree punning…or at least, I wood if I could.

  2. Enkidum says:

    This reminds me of Axe in Face, one of my favourite iOS ridiculous games.

  3. Link The Ecologist says:

    I just want to play a game, any game, with more than 3 types of trees.

    • Cloks says:

      What about Pokemon? They have headbutt trees, honey trees, normal trees, berry trees (technically bushes?) and fake trees (Sudowoodoses).

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      Might I interest you in Guild Wars 2?  It has lots of different types of trees, including an entire race that’s basically humanoid sentient trees/plants.

    • blue vodka lemonade says:

      Runescape has a billion tree varieties, and en entire woodcutting skill which determines your tree-cutting abilities.

      It is also a pretty bad game.

    • Merve says:

      RollerCoaster Tycoon and its sequels have dozens of different types of trees. Of course, if you’re going to abuse the power that such arboreal variety affords you by say, putting a tropical tree next to a boreal tree, I might just have to punch a kitten. You’ve been warned.

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