UPDATE: Semifinal voting is now closed, so head on over to the final!
Where there were once 32, there are now only four—a third-grade math problem turned ugly by fervent clicking and commenting. But what came before was child’s play, merely intra-division shenanigans delaying the inevitable. Now comes the real test of a treasure’s mettle: the ability to destroy a relic from a completely different gaming corner. Animals will scratch at weapons. Retro artifacts will be surprised by what our Wild Card is dishing out. These match-ups are sad but inevitable, as there can be only one (arbitrary) Best Treasure Ever. So start shedding tears, then use the Wabbajack to transmogrify those tears into Daedric face lotion.
(By the way, a programming note: Voting on this round closes at 10:00 p.m. Eastern tonight, not at midnight.)
Tanooki Suit vs. The Wabbajack
Of all the clothing Mario wears in his many games, the Tanooki Suit probably covers the most of his skin. This isn’t some Raccoon Mario where he merely sprouts ears and a tail, or Fire Mario where he simply changes colors. No, this is full-on animal kingdom infiltration, only with a mustache, too—as if he’s a criminal trying to sneak by an unsuspecting police officer in a movie from the 1920s. The Tanooki Suit transforms Mario completely. It’s the Daniel Day-Lewis of the Super Mario world.
Meanwhile, the stick with the magical power of a Carrot Top prop box has soared from its No. 8 slot into the hearts of voters—its victory over the RYNO V was decisive. And it’s a relic hellbent on transformation, its ability touching not just its victims but also the game itself. For once the Wabbajack is in your possession, Elder Scrolls becomes a dangerous game of chance, not unlike Russian roulette, or eating sushi from the restaurant that also serves Chinese food and Vietnamese sandwiches.
The Tanooki Suit offers two possibilities: flight and stone-cold stillness. The Wabbajack offers infinite possibilities. I think you’ll make the right choice. (Arthur M. Gameological has made his.)[poll id=”31″]
Screw Attack vs. Luck Bobblehead
There’s very little that’s luck-based about the Screw Attack. Once it’s in tow, there’s no need for stealth, merely brute force via singeing cartwheels. Who cares if an enemy dodges away at just the right time? You’ll get him sooner or later, by virtue of the fact that you are a giant electric ball of hurt.
Nothing is more full of chance than Lady Luck, but her bobblehead equivalentcomes close. The quality of luck remains even more elusive than a fan of the PlayStation Move: The roll of a die or the serendipitous timing of an event can change your fate forever—for better, worse, or…other? Maybe we all have a predefined luck meter running above our heads, and God (a.k.a. Morgan Freeman) removes a smidge or two as He sees fit. Maybe luck is in our coffee, our water, our beer, or other liquids I see when I look around my room just now. Or maybe, just maybe, this is all the Wabbajack talking.[poll id=”32″]