Best Treasure Ever

Wabbajack vs. Luck Bobblehead

The Final: Wabbajack vs. Luck Bobblehead

Today, a champion is made.

By Steve Heisler and John Teti • September 21, 2012

After two weeks of heated competition, it comes down to this. The Wabbajack from Skyrim against the surprisingly resilient Luck Bobblehead from Fallout 3. We now present a special Best Treasure Ever debate. Steve Heisler will argue in favor of the Wabbajack, while John Teti rallies Team Bobblehead. But this vote is in your hands, readers. Who will prevail? Votes close at midnight Eastern tonight Saturday night (for the weekend stragglers); the winner will be feted on Monday.

Wabbajack, Oblivion and Skyrim

Steve Heisler, Team Wabbajack: The Wabbajack’s trail to the finals is a true Cinderella story. It entered as the No. 8 seed, facing off against one of the rarest and most valuable treasures in the entire Final Fantasy universe. Most saw it as a joke—a stick with the power to do…what exactly?—but it wouldn’t be counted out. Couldn’t be counted out. And now not only is it one of the last two treasures remaining, but it defeated the Tanooki Suit, an early favorite, by a four-to-one margin.

Plus, if this weren’t enough of a Cinderella story already, we could simply point the Wabbajack at a pumpkin and hope it turns into the Cinderella. Take that, Disney!

A vote for the Wabbajack is a vote for the American dream: No matter what life throws at you, turn it into some piece of junk you can sell at Coney Island.

Luck Bobblehead, Fallout 3

John Teti, Team Luck Bobblehead: This is like that episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Commander Riker had to argue in a judicial hearing that Data wasn’t a person, not because he believed it but because he was obligated to do so for the adversarial justice system to function. But I will do my duty and make my case for the Luck Bobblehead.

We all know that the Wabbajack possesses a splendid wackiness. It is all weapons at once, and also none of them. But my fellow Gameologists, this is the Best TREASURE Ever bracket. And I submit to you that the Bobblehead exemplifies the qualities of great treasure more convincingly than anything else on our bracket, except maybe for the Space Hamster, which you readers in your infinite wisdom eliminated in the second round, for pete’s sake, not that I am bitter.

What does one do with a “treasure”? Does one brandish it about town, turning innocent passersby into chickens and sweet rolls? Wave it through the air like a madman? My stars, no. A treasure is something so precious that it enlivens and enriches the world simply by being. You display a treasure, and by virtue of your owning it, it passes some desirable quality on to you—social status, wealth, security, you name it.

When you acquire the Luck Bobblehead in Fallout 3, there’s nothing more to do. Once you have it, your Luck stat goes up—thereby improving all of your abilities in the game—and you can show it off on a smart little display case. This is how a proper treasure serves its master.

The Wabbajack doesn’t do jack unless you take it out and—ugh—use it. How pedestrian. So sure, let Steve Heisler weave his Cinderella narrative and appeal to your jingoistic side. He relies on rhetorical smoke and mirrors because he knows that the Wabbajack is deficient in the one quality that Gameological needs right now: treasure-ness. If the word “treasure” means anything to you, you must vote Bobblehead.

Steve Heisler: My fellow Gameologicalans: In his haste to debunk my story (compelling as it may be) of the Wabbajack’s meteoric, unassuming rise to stardom, John Teti has neglected the forest for the trees. Sure, perhaps in his bobbleheaded reality does the Luck Bobblehead exemplify what it means to be a real piece of “treasure,” but he’s forgotten something so rudimentary, it pains me even to bring it up.

The Wabbajack is simply more fun than the Bobblehead! Fun! F-U-N! Rich, invigorating, mind-blowing, button-mashing FUN.

Let’s review what the Luck Bobblehead does. It boosts an arbitrary number on a grid of fictional powers. It gathers digital dust in a home you share with a helper robot and, if you’re lucky, a pooch appropriately named Dogmeat, given how simplistic he is.

The Wabbajack is fun incarnate. Wave it over your square of a boss, and he’ll don sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt like in a terrible 1980s beer commercial. Or he’ll become a fax machine for an equally dated reference. Or your long lost daughter. What fun!

Unpredictability, irreverence, laughter—these are the qualities of fun, and the qualities the Wabbajack has embodied time and time again. And long after the Luck Bobblehead has been destroyed in yet another atomic attack, the Wabbajack will stand strong (probably in a parallel dimension like the Shivering Isles), ready to make us smile again. The world needs clowns, John Teti. And lucky for you, it has the Wabbajack.

John Teti: My fellow Gameologicianists, Steve Heisler makes my case for me. Fun is transitory. That’s one of the great things about it. It’s a bit of momentary bliss, impossible to replicate. But you can’t enshrine fun. And what we are doing here is enshrining the Best Treasure Ever.

Look, I go around the site, and I talk to a lot of people who like the Wabbajack. They voted for the Wabbajack in the past, and they want to see the Wabbajack succeed. And the Wabbajack is a good treasure. But Gameological readers should not have to be stuck playing these childhood games, staring up at fading Wabbajack posters and wondering when they can move on from freezing people in spikes of ice and get on with their life.

Wabbajack supporters, it’s okay for you to vote Bobblehead. It really is. Because what you face on this final ballot, dear readers, is a choice. A choice between the knee-jerk transformational zaps of the Wabbajack on one side and the proven stimulative effects of the Luck Bobblehead of the other. The Luck Bobblehead is the sound choice for the future. Its effects are permanent; they stick with you through the fun times AND the sad times. Because the Bobblehead wants to make life better for all residents of the post-nuclear Wasteland, even the pathetic irradiated zombies who consider themselves victims.

So vote for the Luck Bobblehead. In your heart, you know he’s right.

What is the Best Treasure Ever?

  • The Wabbajack (64%)
  • Luck Bobblehead (36%)
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  • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

    This is far and away the funniest thing that I’ve seen on Gameological in weeks. Kudos, guys.

    Also, if you don’t vote for the Wabbajack, you probably hate ice cream. And freedom. And America.

    • Bad Horse

      WAB
      BA
      JACK

      WAB
      BA
      JACK

    • http://www.facebook.com/alexandre.ducharme.58 Alexandre Ducharme

      Well i do hate america thats why i like fallout RUINED AMERICA!!!

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/SNYSRMPPV5ABGA25QLZH25H47Q Field

        you’re a failure and you should feel like one

      • ApesMa

        You’re in a CIA database now.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-Bobington/100002856228354 Bob Bobington

        becuse you dont love america and have a flag up your ass some me in black are probly going toarest you with no trial torture and watterbord you with no trial till you die of old age then that will show you to love america

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/CHAXRIM5E3CTEIPSWGS3K5I6SM Alex

       I hate America :/

  • NFET

    There’s no Screw Attack, so why should I care? I wore my “This is how I roll” Metroid shirt today for nothing!

    • GaryX

      I’m confused that both this won. When did the tide turn? I though I voted pretty late, and both the Screw Attack and Tanooki suit were crazy far ahead.

      Oh well. I choose abstain as I like neither of the options.

      • ShrikeTheAvatar

        Are you sure you weren’t reading it incorrectly?  The Wabbajack was ahead the whole time, I thought.

        • GaryX

          I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it was ahead by a sizeable margin. 

          Someone else posted an update: “Just wanted to update – as of 9:15AM EST it’s 64/36 Tanooki and 62/38 Screw Attack.  So at least that filthy leprechaun is losing…”I wonder what caused the giant shit because the Tanooki suit ended up with only 18% of the vote.

  • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

    I am so confused that the bobblehead has made it this far, and that at the moment it and Wabbajack are almost 50/50. Are people mainly just voting for it because they like Fallout games, or is there something actually mildly interesting about that thing that I’m not recognizing?

    • BarbleBapkins

      Yeah, I am not sure I understand why the bobblehead has done so well. It seems a little, I dunno, boring.

      Although, it is the LUCK bobblehead, so maybe it has made it this far with votes coming solely from people dropping their
      lunch on their mouse with perfect comedic timing or accidentally
      trying to vote for Pat Buchanan (damn Irish!).

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=50300736 Shawn Hudson

        I voted Bobblehead because of Teti’s argument. It’s classy, timeless – the treasure you want to bring home to Mom. Wabbajack is all freaky and random and just as likely to vomit all over the dinner table as it is to give everyone a foot massage.

        • His_Space_Holiness

          It’s a very freaky treasure… the kind you don’t bring home to Mother…

      • Fluka

        This contest really comes down to one truly poetic question:
        Who wins in a fight between Chaos and Luck?

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

           Ooh, I like that. Wabbajack voters are bitter, disillusioned realists, resigned to the arbitrary caprice of an unfeeling universe, while Luck Totem voters have a glimmer of hope, a faith that a magic totem can increase their odds in life.

        • Ziegfelding

          Actually the Wabbajack represents luck too. If you turn a bandit into a Daedroth, well, your day didnt get much better, did it? But he ends up a delicious sweetroll and its smiles all around. Sure the Bobblehead will grant you some luck, but it is the Wabbajack which translates your luck into Victory.

        • Fluka

          @Ziegfelding:disqus That is the beauty of it all.  Luck cannot exist without chaos, and chaos is just another side of luck.  *Retires to a mountain to contemplate.*

        • http://www.facebook.com/riccardo.giovanelli Riccardo Jones Giovanelli

          Chaos is He Who Masters Luck.
          So Wabbajack is the Destined Winner.

    • Colonel

      It’s the L-Block all over again.

    • http://slydante.deviantart.com/ SlyDante

      Looking back, it’s possible all the Wabbajack fans (& others) voted for the Luck Bobblehead so it’d have an easy win in the end.

      Because of that – and because I love the Fallout games. I voted for it. You think you can rig up an easy win? Ha, I say!

      And besides, the Luck Bobblehead is special: You can actually use it to go beyond 100 skill points to 101. Like the inscription says…

    • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

      +1 to all skills, +1 to critical chance, better rolls in speech checks, possibility to unlock perks. It’s a can’t lose in its own continuity.

    • Maudib

       Luck is my favorite stat in Fallout.  In any game, assuming they provide it.  If not, I prefer to max Charisma. 

      • blue vodka lemonade

         You spoony bard.

        • Maudib

          Wertle-wertle-wertle-woo
          Wertle-woooooo

    • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp David Dalrymple

      It’s the protest vote. 

    • http://profiles.google.com/wizeexcalibuurr John Doe

      It’s part of a collection, and is the only part of the collection that raises all of your stats (Luck). 

    • Shain Eighmey

      Just imagine an item that makes everything in the world turn out just a bit more in your favor. It seems a great deal weaker than an awesome weapon or armor on the surface, but it’s the Luck Bobblehead that will save you when everything else fails. It’s less a mighty treasure and more a wise treasure. 

  • caspiancomic

    Every step of this tournament has felt like voting in a poll attempting to determine the planet most habitable for human life and finding that Saturn has the lead against Earth.

    I haven’t often gone into my reasons for voting (or, indeed, mentioned my votes one way or the other), but now at the end of this long road I suppose a bit of reflection is in order. I have never played Fallout. Nor have I played Oblivion, nor Skyrim. My familiarity with these objects was obtained through osmosis, parsing my fellow Gameologists’ reasoning and attempting to synthesize an opinion based on how other people feel about these items. It was like developing an opinion through echo location, firing bursts of sound into the comments section and seeing what opinions reverberated back to me.

    At the end of the day, without having laid hands on either tool, I was forced to adhere to the old cliches and follow my heart. Both the Wabbajack and the Luck Bobblehead speak to me, in their own ways. I’ve always made attempts to retain my ability to surprise even those people closest to me, and becoming truly predictable is one of my great fears. Certainly the Wabbajack speaks to my desire to remain unknowable. Similarly, as I believe I’ve mentioned in the past, I’ve tended to skate through this life on force of sheer natural talent and blind stupid luck, rather than hard work and fair play. As people like me often do, I tend sometimes to interpret reality through the filter of movies or games, to help make sense of the chaos: I’ve always felt that my raw statistics would portray a character handicapped in all manner of strength, dexterity, intelligence, and skill, but tripping over himself with luck (or, depending on the stats in use, charisma.) The Luck Bobblehead ought then to be terribly close to my heart, as a totemic incarnation of the very force that has kept me in good health and shoe leather my five and twenty years.

    In the end, I voted for the Luck Bobblehead. Thrilling as the Wabbajack may be (and holding within it the key to my coveted true unpredictability), it also represents chaos, madness, and disorder, which perhaps paradoxically, I despise. I suppose what I hope to capture is closer to “organized chaos”, or “method and madness”, appearing unpredictable to outside observers but in perfect and total control of my own actions, motivations, and trains of thought. For me, then, the Luck Bobblehead has no drawbacks and no side effects. Unlike other classes which may need to decide between equipment favouring strength or skill, or be forced to make the choice between magic or defence, I with my pure luck build can glut myself on all the boosts to good fortune as I can get my hands on, and never be worse off for it.

    I suppose it’s strange that a popularity contest between two imaginary trinkets would be the genesis of such soul-searching, but thankfully this is the kind of place the Gameological Society is. Godspeed little bobblehead.

  • His_Space_Holiness

    Logging in for the first time to say WABBAJACK FOREVER, STUPID FAKE-IRISH THINGY NEVER!

    And yes, I’m the Space Pope over at the A.V. Club, so my reductionist rhyming chant is now HOLY WRIT.

    • Spacemonkey Mafia

      Best be careful, Gameological is a far reach from the authority of the A.V. Club.  There’s real risk of a schism occurring and a new anti-Space Pope being set up here on a heretics throne.
         A space Pope with a very Bobbly head. 

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

        I’m interested to see how the “Irish Space Emigre” block votes now. They’re pretty beholden to the Space Pope, but on the other hand, I’m given to understand that they have an inclination to vote for anything with a shamrock on it.

        • Spacemonkey Mafia

          The galactic diaspora following the astro-potato famine has kinda diminished their voting-bloc clout, but just to be safe, I say we follow your intuition and paste clover all over the Wabbajack.

        • His_Space_Holiness

          That assumption is exactly why this kind of shamrock-bedecked crap gets churned out. I’m offended on behalf of all my flock in Space Ireland.

    • Effigy_Power

      Also, we have a guillotine made from the sad remains of physical game storage, which in the age of digital streaming really has no space in this world other than to be used for rudimentary tools.
      The basket to catch your head would be “ye olde fashioned cardboard sleeve-box” in which games once came, when people still called for handbooks and the occasional poster.

      Actually I am sad now and miss those things terribly.

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

         Perhaps the greatest casualty of this trend were Infocom’s “feelies”.

        My favorite was the carbon-paper triplicate form from Douglas Adams’s Bureaucracy, which had different text on each carbon-paper page, meaning when you ticked a box on the white form to list, say, your car as an asset, you were also ticking a box on the pink form agreeing to donate that car to the  credit card company, and so on.

        • Ziegfelding

          I still have my one Zorkmid from Beyond Zork. I keep it with my one Septim from Oblivion. I need more fictional currency.

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

        I still remember that the special edition of SimCity 2000 came with a 100-page manual full of poetry and artwork. ‘Twas a thing to behold.

  • JimmyThr

    I was gonna change my vote for the wabbajack to the bobblehead up until that racial slur against ghouls, John Teti hates Ghouls, and he was a pretty cool guy until I found out.

  • http://www.avclub.com/users/mattman-begins,89632 Mattman Begins

    (sobs to see Screw and Tanooki gone)

    No immortality-by-association for me this year, I see.  Ah, well.  We’ll always have the semi-finals.

    I went against my earlier rant vs. the Luck Bobblehead on this one, not just because John’s argument was more well-reasoned in a hopeless situation (here, have Maximilian Schell’s Oscar for Judgment At Nuremberg), but because, in real life, I’d rather have something that increases my good luck by a smidge than something that increases my overall luck–potentially bad as well as good–by a more sizeable amount.  Although I’d trade ‘em both to see one of my kids up here.

    Somehow, @LoveWaffle:disqus , I know this is all your fault.

    • LoveWaffle

      You’re welcome

    • Captain Internet

      Well, you’d been spitting your drink out all week, and everyone was concerned it was morning sickness.

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/mattman-begins,89632 Mattman Begins

        Naw, don’t be silly.  I was just trying to deliver the perfect spit-take in a space as visual-humor-impaired as a Disqus comment box.  I…

        (cut to)

        TLC VOICE-OVER ANNOUNCER: Next week, special guest @MattmanBegins:disqus shares his surprising and heartwarming story of what happened during a Gameological Society Tournament!  On a very special I Didn’t Know I Was Nintendo-Pregnant.

  • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

    If you think the Vault Boy Bobbleheads can be something as mundane as an atomic blast you don’t know Vault-Tec. I don’t know where to go with this one. I do love crits more than life itself; but Wabbajack will save your ass when it really counts even more reliably.

    • http://profiles.google.com/wizeexcalibuurr John Doe

      I’m going to shove my quantum harmonizer up your photonic resonation chamber. 

      • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

        *says nothing, slips away before scientist can continue his rant*

  • ItsTheShadsy

    If the Luck Bobblehead wins, I’m gonna set fire to a mini-mall. The Wabbajack is our last, best hope for this tournament — nay, for the future of our planet.

    • Maudib

      Arson is a selling point, not a deterrent.  You are the Kanti, the god of fire.  Watch the blazes dance to woo you.  Reduce the world to a bed of ashes so you can finally obtain a mattress that truly conforms to your body.  That mini-mall mocks you and will piss on your grave because you are organic, mortal, weak, and impotent to act on your threats and desires.

  • Juan_Carlo

    I usually vote for the games, not the treasure, but unfortunately Fallout 3 and Oblivion both suck.  Like most Bethesda games they are great hiking simulators with awesome level design, but shit writing and world building.  So once you get past the pretty vistas the worlds end up seeming strangely vacant and hollow.  

    Still, I guess I’ll vote for Bobblehead just because I love all the other games in the Fallout franchise (including New Vegas, which gets everything right that Fallout 3 got wrong).

    • Mercenary_Security_number_4

       ”hiking simulators”  perfect description.  I love world exploration so I see that as a good thing, but you are very right.

  • PaganPoet

    *sigh*

    It doesn’t matter how I cast my vote at this point. Democracy doesn’t work.

    *closes eyes and picks*

  • http://slydante.deviantart.com/ SlyDante

    I just realized…What would happen if these titans actually combined forces?

    Think about it: All the random glory of the Wabbajack, but with the added boost from the Luck Bobblehead that prevents your enemy from being turned into an even more gigantic beast that will rip your flesh out!

    I hereby suggest we suggest we start a write-in campaign! Bobblejack 2012!

    • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

      What if you used the Wabbajack on the Luck Bobblehead? Can Daedric magic and Atomic SCIENCE! be combined safely? Would it conjure Vault Boy himself as an immortal ally, smiting your mutant foes with naught but his 10 CHA smile?

    • ItsTheShadsy

      You realize that this is how I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream happened, right?

  • LoveWaffle

    For one final time

    WABBAJACK ME
    PLEASE WABBAJACK ME

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/mattman-begins,89632 Mattman Begins

       *wabbajacks @lovewaffle:disqus  into the Luck Bobblehead*

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

      The Gameological comments section turned into a hardcore porn site so gradually that I barely even noticed.

      • Staggering Stew Bum

        “John Teti: Stud Fiend” didn’t tip you off?

      • Effigy_Power

        I have to stop showing @Merve2:disqus my sketches for “Drew Toal – The Mustache Ride Experience”…

  • Spacemonkey Mafia

    So it’s come to this, has it?
       Democracy has been coming home later and later, more disheveled and drunk these last few decades, but this is it.  This is the night we get the phone call that it’s body has been found just off the New Jersey Turnpike, pinned under an Escalade Truck, a dollar bill white with cocaine jammed up it’s nose and Czech Techno still playing on the stereo.
       Democracy is dead.  It is so proven with this final lineup.
       Time to give up on this joke of populist representation.  Let’s just give ourselves over to a string of lead-addled Caligula’s who will force us by spear point to make out with each other in little model ships made of marzipan that melt apart in a swimming pool of famished alligators.
       I know, it sounds terrible.  But really, it’s no better than we deserve if it’s come to this.
       I can’t even depart dramatically after this screed as I have no approximation of flight provided by either a full-body raccoon suit, or a leaping dervish of pure energy.
       So I’ll just sit here instead and tap the Bobblehead with the Wabbajack until it transmogrifies into something worthy of the final round. 

    • Effigy_Power

      Maybe we can wabbajack you into someone less bitter?
      But, as someone who has been on the side of deadric magic from round 1 on, I will graciously say:
      “NYA NYA NYA NYAAAA NYAAA!”

      • Spacemonkey Mafia

        Not if it comes at the expense of my capacity to write floral, overwrought treaties on recreational group exercises in arbitrary item ranking.
           Besides, your pluralistic sympathies clearly mark you as a Whig, and not one to be trusted in such matters.

        • Effigy_Power

          My local phrenologist would agree with you. Apparently I have the cranial slope of a common apple-thief.

    • http://twitter.com/MikoSquiz Miko the Squiz

      These are my two favourites (although Space Hamster or Golden Pantaloons would also have done). Items like the Tanuki Suit and Screw Attack are so.. functionalist. They’re just tools, like a screwdriver or a pipe wrench (that aren’t being used as weapons).

      So, I guess what I’m saying is, nyaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

         I like the Tanooki suit because it takes something functional (the racoon tail), and turns it into a ridiculous outfit and adds a virtually useless but really weird ability (turning into a little Buddha statue). Nothing essentialist or functional about that!

        It’s like a hammer spray-painted in gold with a small disco-ball attached to the handle in case you find yourself hammering in a dance club. It’s something functional made very weird.

        The bobble head, on the other hand, is the most boring thing in the entire tournament tree, and most reasons people cited above for voting for it were functional rather than inspired (“Luck is the most important stat in Fallout games,” etc. etc.).

        The wabbajack is pretty funny/interesting, though.

      • BarbleBapkins

        Which is why I think that if an item from Mario 3 made it on the list, it should have been Kuribo’s Shoe. The thing was only in one level (and disappeared when you beat it, can’t take it with you!), and is pretty much useless but kind of awesome in a strange way…

        That’s it, I am starting a last minute write-in campaign! Shoe 2012! Shoe 2012!

        • ApesMa

          It’s not useless, it makes the level way easier! You can jump on everything, like Yoshi.

  • Aurora Boreanaz

    It’s only been an hour and I can’t vote?

  • Fluka

    Secret surprise ending!  Wabbajack defeats Luck Bobblehead…

    …when it turns the Luck Bobblehead into a hamster.

    A space hamster.

    *Sheds a single tear of joy.*

    • The_Forgotten_Quill

      Best.
      Plot Twist.
      Ever.

      *Joins in joyous tear shedding*

      We love you little guy!

    • His_Space_Holiness

      Suddenly the ending of Mass Effect 3 makes so much sense.

      • SisterMaryFrancis

        Buzz Aldrin is the ancestor of the Space Hamster.

  • Staggering Stew Bum

    No matter which candidate comes out on top, and either will be worthy victors, I think we can all agree that the real winner out of all this is Borderlands 2.

    • Effigy_Power

      “You have glimpsed behind the facade of this election and recognized it for what it is. You gain the trait ‘Cynic’, which turns all future answers into “Whatever, it doesn’t matter anyways” and gain +2 CHA for being dark and brooding and shit.”

      On the other hand, I didn’t buy Borderlands 2 and since I consider myself the ideal target audience for just about everything, I claim that this ad-campaign failed.

  • http://www.facebook.com/duke.rufus Vince Barbosa

    the luck boblehead is ordinary what is wrong with you people. anyway it should’ve been the FF3 atma weapon.

    • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

      But you can get more than one Atma Weapon. Treasures are called treasures for a reason.

    • http://profiles.google.com/brianward Brian Ward

       Referring to FF6 as FF3 makes you something bad that I can’t think of.

  • http://twitter.com/Thrillem_Defoe Vince Barbosa

    The answer was either the Hadoken in the SNES megaman or Ermac in MK1.

    You all lose. Good day sir!

    • Captain Internet

      You’d better get this to the President. He’s going to announce the results later today.

    • Effigy_Power

      Just be glad it’s not some dumb hat from TF2 and get on with your life.

      • BarbleBapkins

        I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that. *dons bowler/panama/tophat combo, cries a single tear*

  • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

    Consider this voters: Hope is a gift you give yourself; and so is Wabbajack.

  • Mercenary_Security_number_4

    Well great.  Bethesda vs. Bethesda.  From two games that are basically the same game, just trade out explosives for magic.  Next time you guys do this, you should group items from the same developer into the first round so that the finals aren’t dominated by a specific style of gameplay.  (and I say that as someone who loves FO3 & Skyrim).

    • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

      That seems a petty complaint given that the two don’t even serve close to the same function

    • http://gameological.com/author/johnteti/ John Teti

      Ha, yeah, there are a thousand ways you could retroactively restructure the bracket once it hasn’t generated the results you wanted, but in practice it’s hard to get around that old problem of democracy.

      The best approach is probably to accept that the bracket will affect absolutely nothing of importance and let its utter subjectivity and lack of consequence wash over you, like a cleansing tide. It’s much more fun that way.

      • Effigy_Power

        Plus we can claim that the Wabbajack had to fight its way through the AL East of items (BFG alone) and the Bobble Head ran virtually unopposed, at least from my point of view. Even if Wabbajack loses, which I don’t really see possible now that the metal-bra makers from the Nexus have their moddy fingers in this, it would lose after a much tougher fight.

        • The Guilty Party

          Hey, they don’t just make metal bras. They also make tiny-chinned, giant-eyed grotesque parodies of the female face.

        • SisterMaryFrancis

          Bobblehead didn’t go unopposed, it had to take out Golden Pantaloons in an all out bloodbath. I lost my faith in humanity when I saw the tattered remains of the Golden Pantaloons left behind by the Luck bastard.

          Never forget.

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

         The obvious way around this problem would have been to simply let Mercenary_Security_number_4 seed the whole tournament with stuff he would have liked to see compete. I can’t believe you guys didn’t think to do that!

        • Mercenary_Security_number_4

           NOW we’re getting somewhere!

  • http://twitter.com/itisdancing djur

    I am almost inclined to vote against the sacred Wabbajack because of what it’s cited from. Oblivion and Skyrim? No, no, no!

    The Wabbajack is from Daggerfall! You cited the Screw Attack as being from  Metroid, so why wouldn’t you cite the Wabbajack’s first appearance? Fie!

    But I can’t vote for the Luck Bobblehead, because its very presence here is an affront to the treasure from the Fallout series that really deserves to be here: the Spectacles (Fallout 2)!

    (Alternatively, the You Have No Idea in Fallout, before it became a collectible in the sequel.)

    • http://gameological.com/author/johnteti/ John Teti

      Mostly because many more people are familiar with the Oblivion and Skyrim versions, so that’s what we included on the bracket. There were a number of entries that didn’t refer to a treasure’s first appearance. That said, let it be noted here and forever that one of the votes for The Wabbajack applies to the original Daggerfall version.

      • GaryX

        DOES IT, JOHN?! I don’t know what to believe anymore.  Truly, this is Wabbajackgate. I think I’m going to need to see some kind of internal memo dating the creation of this item.

        • http://gameological.com/author/johnteti/ John Teti
        • Spacemonkey Mafia

          @JohnTeti:disqus 
             I’m not sure how I feel about you conscripting Soupy into the Rose Mary Woods role in this whole scenario.

        • GaryX

          @JohnTeti:disqus I’m going to have to see the long form certificate to verify that’s real!!

          (I think the like button is broken, I’ve been pressing it over and over for 33 minutes, but it seems to have only gone up once despite that link being the best.)

        • Cornell_University

          wait, you’re accepting absentee ballots?  aren’t 8 weeks allotted for all to be received?  I’m asking for a friend, who has 1700 “weather’s here, wish you were beautiful” postcards that all say RED RING on them.

          /demands recount, burns down Hyrule

  • Fluka

    Despite my previous disdain for the Bobblehead, on reflection there truly is a beautiful symmetry in this final battle.  Wabbajack is the bringer of chaos to an orderly universe, whereas the Luck Bobblehead is the restorer of order to unforgiving randomness.  Wabbajack sets the scales of life careening back and forth, while Luck Bobblehead steadies them and tips them slightly in your favor.  One is Vishnu to the other’s Shiva, one the yin to the other’s yang.

    This vote is a philosophical test: do you cast your lot with the random cruelty of nature, or do you hold out hope for some tiny bit of cosmic grace?

    *Stands before the precipice and thinks.*

    *Casts her vote for the Destroyer of Worlds.*

    • Electric Dragon

      Now we are all sons of bitches.

    • Staggering Stew Bum

      You’re at the precipice, @Fluka:disqus , of an enormous crossroad.

    • Effigy_Power

      If Bobblehead tips the scales in our favor, doesn’t it stand for chaos a lot more than Wabbajack? Tipping the scales represents a constant and unchangeable skewing of order in the entire universe.
      Wabbajack on the other hand may seem chaotic, but in the long run amounts to a statistical chance for order. For every sweet-roll there is a minor dragon. For every chicken a very confused troll. Wabbajack evens out the world in a seemingly random way.
      Bobblehead is the true disruption here, depending on which hands it falls into… and since I played Fallout3 pretty evil, it most definitely did in my case.

      • http://twitter.com/MikoSquiz Miko the Squiz

        The Wabbajack represents the Second Law. Thus the bobblehead must represent humanity’s striving to conquer it.

    • http://twitter.com/MikoSquiz Miko the Squiz

      I only regret that I have but one like to give for your post. 

    • The_Forgotten_Quill

      *Stands in ovation*

      So say we all.

  • http://twitter.com/sarCCastro SarChris Castro

    Voting for the Luck Bobblehead because nothing should have beaten the fucking RYNO V ya damn heathens.

  • mecca92

    Common now, wouldn’t it sound lame telling some one that you went on an adventure and all you found was a lucky bobble head.

    And what if the person that found the Wabbajak asked about it and said
    “so you risked your life through a wasteland dungeon for a bobblehead, what dose it do.” and you say “It gives me +1 Luck.” and that’s it

    Now you ask what that person found on their quest.
    and the adventurer pull a staff from a small explosion of cheseey chicken feathers and says ”The WABBAJACK”. Then uses the wabbajack to turn your broken pre-war computer into a pimped out monster truck. Its so big that it busts through your roof. Next turns your bobblehead into a supermodel witch then hops in the truck and speeds off.

    Just because you found luck, dose not mean its good luck.

    • Staggering Stew Bum

      The WABBAJACK: Creative force behind every beer commercial ever made.

      • Fluka

        Lord Sheogorath wants to know…are WE having FUN YET?

    • Maudib

       Not just a bobblehead, but Junder Plunkett’s fingers fresh from the body.  Those appendages tipped the adventure to a resounding success.

  • Mike Mariano

    I never sought out the Luck bobblehead and I kept the “L” of my SPECIAL firmly planted in the middle.  I refuse to believe in luck.

    Turning people into Daedra, though, I absolutely believe in that.

  • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

    I went with the Luck Bobblehead simply because I somehow never knew it existed. 

    Also because for some reason, the Wabbajack has never done anything cool for me in Skyrim. 

    ps: Holy shit, Gameological is actually talking about games I’ve played! If this keeps up, I just may have to come back.

    • GaryX

      Really? It’s never talked about games you’ve played before these two?

      • Fluka

        To be fair, the Elder Scrolls series probably comprises 50% of the modern games my husband plays (and for hundreds and hundreds of hours).  Bethesda is its own genre.

      • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

        Well, it probably has, I don’t follow this site very closely. I check here every two weeks or so and pretty much none of the stories are about things I’ve even heard of (which is not to say it’s bad, just not interesting to me)… which would be why I don’t follow it very closely.

  • blue vodka lemonade

    I did not even read the text before I placed that vote. Take THAT, democracy.

  • stakkalee

    Of course I voted for Wabbajack.  To hell with that filthy leprechaun – he melted down the golden pantaloons to add them to his Pot O’Gold, and he deserves whatever Wabbajack turns him into.

    • Fyodor Douchetoevsky

      I for one refuse to simply vote for the lesser of two evils. Fuckin’ bullshit, where’s my glorious Screw Attack?

  • huimeng

     http://lnk.co/I2VI9

  • Effigy_Power

    I just realized… doesn’t the Wabbajack only have 3 sides? WHAT KIND OF FACSIMILE ARE WE VOTING ON HERE?

    • http://twitter.com/itisdancing djur

      It’s a Daedric Staff, so it’s cylindrical.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gareth.hughes.1253 Gareth Hughes

    I’m not sure a lot of these are technically treasure, as I’m sure has been discussed before but it’s been a lot of fun reading and watching the kitschy valuation videos. Nice to see Gameological is hitting it’s stride with some more AV Club style features.

  • http://twitter.com/tapirman Kyle O’Reilly

    How did the damn Lucky Bubblehead even get this far? Sheer luck I say…

    • GaryX

      /Bethesda forums.

  • http://www.facebook.com/onlyZUUL779 Bryan Cook

    I’m with Bad Horse

  • http://www.facebook.com/onlyZUUL779 Bryan Cook

    Bobbleheads in Fallout are an ok item(I woulden’t know since my luck is ALWAYS set to 10 so it doesn’t matter) But the Wabbajack is what sparked my interest in skyrim in the first place, so I’d say the Wabbajack is the winner. Look at the poll!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/VUGIJ3FS3SX6HR2E67N2CO64DQ Kimo

    The Wabbajack is the most useful item ever…except when it tuns a rat into a giant.  Then it’s not.  To truly appreciate the genius of Sheggorath, you need to add “Uncle Shegoroth’s Useful Hints and Tips” to your Skyrim mods.  It makes those loading screens so much more helpful.  except when they aren’t.   But thery always add 50000% more cheese.  And entrails.

  • Xerxes

    To protest the injustice of the Tanooki Suit being eliminated, I will be sitting motionless holding down-B until the Gameological Society gives in to my demands or the level timer expires.

  • Ghostfucker

    No Tanooki suit? No SCREW ATTACK!? THIS IS MADNESS! GRAAAAAAAAAAHLAKSAHDSALDHSADSALDJSADLJAA

  • http://www.facebook.com/bragiola1 Guilherme Bragiola

    Wabbajack

  • http://www.facebook.com/wtcostillas Will T. Costillas

    Very hard to choose but I guess permanent stat bonuses are always more expensive than sideboard items. Luck Bobblehead!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joshua.benedum.3 Joshua Benedum

    i sold the wabbajack shortly after i obtained it. however, i still have my luck bobblehead sitting on my display case in megaton. bobblehead wins. 

    • Shain Eighmey

      You sold the power to make a different fate? You truly are mad! Sheogorath must be proud. 

  • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

    FYI this article just got a shout out on Bethesda and Fallout’s official Facebooks. 

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/SNYSRMPPV5ABGA25QLZH25H47Q Field

    one is a souvenir that sits in a stand the other is a wizard stuff that can turn demons into adorable bunnies.  

    I don’t really see the point in the question since it’s so obvious which is better 

    • Shain Eighmey

      To be fair, it also can turn bunnies until horrible demons. 

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/VUGIJ3FS3SX6HR2E67N2CO64DQ Kimo

        Or turn horrible bunnies into adorable demons.  I love the Wabajack.

  • http://www.facebook.com/william.doney.9 William Doney

    To quote Sheogorath: “Sure, you can rely on your spells and weapons and armor or you can use…. THE WABBAJACK! Huh? Huh? Didn’t see that coming, did you?”

  • Famous_Original_Feigenbaum

    More fun: Wabbajack or the Nuka Grenade?

  • http://www.facebook.com/Fluffmeister.LukeVerhave Luke Fluffy Verhave

    You need Luck to get the Wabbajack to even hit you opponent if they’re moving

  • DoomPriestK

    Two things.

    1. Nay contest, Fallout has been around since the old days with a fantastic story, setting and blend of old and new. Skyrim / Oblivion while good offer little more than dragons flying backwards and a lack of dwarves (the most awesome fantasy race ever made, i mean COME ON, badass full plate grumpy warriors or pointy-eared pansies that tend to enjoy hugging trees? bad choice Bethesda).

    They pale in comparison to Fallout. (IMHO)

     2. I think it’s worth mentioning that the space hamster is only there because of the best game franchise ever made, Baldur’s Gate.

    Recognize.

    • http://twitter.com/Zaldir Jostein Sikkeland

      Fallout has been around since what… 1997? The Elder Scrolls has been around since 1994 (Wabbajack since 1996). So your #1 point being..? (By the way, the Dwemer (the TES dwarves) are no tree-huggers… Have you seen many trees down in their dark dungeons?)

      Anyway, both are great series! :D

      • DoomPriestK

         wasnt saying fallout is older, i meant it’s a classic :P

        oh, and i meant why get rid of the dwemer when they should have extinguished the elves instead, cant stand elves lol.

        DPK

  • http://www.facebook.com/wojciech.eksel Wojciech Trybuś

    Too bad I cant vote for Space Hamster anymore… Its a freaking SPACE HAMSTER :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/MrGlies Albert Frøkjær Glies

    wabbajack, wabbajack WABBAJACK!

  • http://www.facebook.com/BigBurkhart Josh Burkhart

    Honestly, I can’t really see the appeal of the Wabbajack. Sure, it was funny for a small time, but honestly, who among you made the Wabbajack your primary weapon? Or even carried it with you everywhere? There were much better treasures in Oblivion alone, much less the entire gaming universe. Getting the Wabbajack was never a moment of “Holy crap this is the best thing ever!” It was a moment of confusion, (What’s this thing do?) followed by slight bemusement, (You turn a wild animal into a bunny.) followed by boredom with the item when you remember there are more people to kill for the Black Hand or Necromancers to hunt down for the Mage’s Guild or whatever other quest chain you were currently on.

    Not to say that the Bobblehead is much better. It is better, but not by much. If you were simply wandering around, the Bobbleheads were nice bonuses to the game, and it was comforting knowing that going out and exploring in such a massive world had such great rewards. It only served to encourage you to go out and explore more and become immersed in the great world that the developers designed for you.

    However, neither of these are truly the greatest treasures that were listed here. What makes a great treasure in a video game? A great treasure is something that you constantly have on you. Something that makes you think “I am so glad I have this.” Something that you look forward to getting if you decide to play the game again no matter what, and something that when you finally get your hands on it, it gives to a feeling of satisfaction. A feeling that, you EARNED this, and now this magnificent item is in your hands for fun, profit, and the stomping of heads (metaphorically, and occasionally literally.)

    Both the Wabbajack and the Bobblehead will be simply collecting dust in your home base in each respective game once you get it. One is too unwieldy to use on a regular basis, and the other… well, that’s what it’s supposed to do.

    No, neither of these items truly exemplify what a gaming treasure really is. Personally, I feel like Snake’s Bandanna, the RYNO V (or any of its earlier models, I’m partial to the first RYNO along with the 5th model, myself), the Hammer Bro. Suit (admit it, it was better than the tanooki suit), and even the red ring were better treasures simply because you had to work for them, and work hard. The biggest part of what makes a treasure great is the feeling of payoff for the work you put in, and none of these items were easy to get by any means. A few on the list were hard to keep.

    TL;DR: A treasure is what you make of it. It should be something to show accomplishment, not just something silly.

    That’s my 2 cents on the subject. Feel free to vote any way your damn heart pleases.

    • Shain Eighmey

      You’re looking for mighty treasures, but the Wabbajack and the Luck Bobblehead are wise treasures in much the same vein. A mighty sword or armor may be better must of the time, but if they fail you then you are utterly defeated.

      What Wabbajack and Luck Bobblehead offer you is a chance to turn even the most horrible odds in your favor. Luck is obviously a bit more subtle, but it is always there working in the background. Meanwhile, the Wabbajack simply allows you to defy the universe and decide to re-roll the dice of fate in your encounter. You may have been better off not doing so, but it gives you the choice to make a choice.  

  • Rosveen

    Wabbajack made its first appearance in Daggerfall… But I guess everything before Oblivion is forgotten.

    • Shain Eighmey

      Technically, everything before Skyrim has been retconned. That’s actually a feature of the TES universe though, not a bug. 

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/VUGIJ3FS3SX6HR2E67N2CO64DQ Kimo

        Nothing has not been retconned.  It’s all in a book or a scroll somewhere…

      • Rosveen

        I don’t see that in Skyrim. A lot of things were retconned in Morrowind (thus the vocal opposition of Daggerfall fans) and in Oblivion (witness the home of the Red King Once Jungled…).
        But Skyrim focuses on things we knew before: dragons, thu’um, Alduin, Sovngarde, even kalpas.
        What we lost are is gameplay, not lore. Mysticism, spellmaking – the same way we lost climbing and languages 10 years ago. While it might not be in the game, it’s still in Tamriel, we just don’t see it.

  • shnshnshn

     http://lnk.co/I2VI9

  • nataliesharp

    I voted Wabbajack because I never saw much need for the luck perk. I make my own luck. *flips two sided coin*

  • aibuwan
  • diomio955
  • http://www.facebook.com/onlyZUUL779 Bryan Cook

    Y U NO MAKE FINAL!?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Peter-Hendry/100000225095186 Matthew Peter Hendry

    i have the luck bobblehead :) and very proud of finding it! so i’m voting for  that one.

  • http://jormungandr.myopenid.com/ JadedDragoon

    “Most saw it as a joke—a stick with the power to do…what exactly?”

    wabbajack. DOES. !!WABBAJACK!!
    HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

    Also… how did the screw attack lose to the lucky bobblehead? Meh… I might have been conflicted if the screw attack had won. Doesn’t make any… heh… hehehehe… sense… hahahahahaha.

    I vote wabbajack! Cause it does wabbajack…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003114825681 Emi Riley

     Wabbajack!

  • me

    I’m going to shove my quantum harmonizer up your photonic resonation chamber. by medibird