Out This Week

A dwarf

A Dwarf By Any Other Name

Little people reign supreme in the week’s new releases.

By Steve Heisler • October 23, 2012

Out This Week is a roundup of new games that are out this week. These listings don’t constitute an endorsement or a review of any sort. We also don’t pretend that this is an exhaustive list. If there’s a game on the horizon that interests you, share it in the comments.

Skylanders: Giants
Nintendo 3DS, PC, PlayStation 3, Wii, Wii U, Xbox 360—October 21

My eight year old cousin is obsessed with the original Skylanders game, so a few months ago he demanded I play with him. Basically, it’s a game where you place figurines on a power pad of sorts, and the game somehow knows which one you put down, revealing that character on the screen so you can play as them. I think it reads some sort of bar code, by the way, lest you think it’s magic. I accidentally placed a figure on the board that he wanted to play himself, and he flipped out. Then our 4-year-old cousin came over, and I was forced to give up my controller so he could play. Then I knocked one of the figures over, and they both yelled at me. Fuck this game. The new version has giants.

Medal Of Honor: Warfighter
PC, PlayStation 3, Wii U, Xbox 360—October 23

Apparently, there is a lot of crossover between those who enjoy fighting in fictional wars—hence the title—and those who love the smooth, silky sounds of rap-rock outfit Linkin Park. Testosterone, ho!

A Game Of Dwarves
PC—October 23

When you call something A Game Of Dwarves, you’d better be ready to deliver a dwarf-ton of dwarves—dwarves upon dwarves upon dwarves. Thankfully, A Game Of Dwarves has plenty of dwarves doing dwarf-like dwarven things, like dwarfing it up and dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarf. Ever write a word so much it begins to look weird?

Farming Simulator 2013
PC—October 25

Here at Gameological headquarters, I read a lot of descriptions of games. Some make me laugh; some make me cry. All make me learn more about the game. Until now:

Farming Simulator 2013, the #1 farming simulation game! Welcome to the largest and most exciting farming simulator ever made! Farming Simulator 2013 is bigger and enriched with outstanding content and many new features, challenging you to take on the role of a modern-day farmer.

Interesting that the only sentence that didn’t end with an exclamation point is the one about taking on the role “of a modern-day farmer.” I guess with all the genetic engineering and meaningless crop-burnings nowadays, that’s nothing to get excited about.

PC—October 26

Children have always been the scary ones in games. Perhaps it’s the naïveté associated with childhood that makes them susceptible to demon infestation. Perhaps it’s the contrast to our imagined ideal of innocence, of an untarnished soul, that gives the demon child such an impact. Perhaps it’s coincidence that little Lucius here was born on 6/6/66 and went crazy on his sixth birthday. I don’t know. But I do know this: When a child demands you play Skylanders, run.

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160 Responses to “A Dwarf By Any Other Name”

  1. boardgameguy says:

    some exciting and interesting board games are getting their official release at Essen right now.  Tzolk’in: The Mayan Calendar is the game i am most excited for.  it uses a worker placement mechanic (think Agricola) along with a time system so that the longer a worker remains on a space, the more powerful its effect will be when it is ultimately pulled off.  should be cool.

  2. Girard says:

    “Fuck this game. The new version has giants.”

    Amazing. Can this quote be incorporated into the little masthead graphic at the top of the page?

  3. Haymz_Jetfield says:

    Evidently Medal of Honor was not released to critics until today. Judging by the buggy, horrible looking MP beta I’m expecting a total disaster.

    • ToddG says:

      Yeah, apparently there’s a giant day-one patch, which is certainly not a sign of a game rushed out the door before AC3 hits or anything like that.

      • blue vodka lemonade says:

         Notably, the day-one patch make sit so that you can’t, uh, join an invitation-only game without an invitation.

        Among other things.

        I worry.

  4. George_Liquor says:

    Those Skylanders figures contain RFID chips that are read by that base thingy. In 2006, Mattel built a rotten little cockroach of a game console around a similar idea.

  5. Moonside_Malcontent says:

    A Game of Dwarfs, huh?  Didn’t they already give Peter Dinklage top billing, now they give him creative control, too?  Eh?  Eh?

    Dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarf dwarf. Dwarf.

    • Anybody try A Game of Dwarves yet?  I’m looking to scratch my Dungeon Keeper itch (DK2 won’t run on my PC, dammit!!).

      • HobbesMkii says:

         It looks like a less complicated Dwarf Fortress, so I feel hesitant about it.

      • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

        Dungeon Keeper 2 is on gog.com , which if you don’t know is a site that specializes in older pc games that they rejigger them to make them work on modern OSs. Plus they are usually reasonably priced, are DRM free, and contain a bunch of bonus downloads. They also have little sales pretty regularly.

        CHECK EM OUT

        • Thanks for the suggestion, but based on user comments, the gog.com version of DK2 doesn’t work on Win7…

        • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

          aw, bummer @twitter-495079299:disqus . I wonder if they’ll look into patching it or something? Seems like a pretty big oversight, unless there is just nothing they can do about it. 

        • Oddly, I can actually run the game off the disk, without an install, but I can’t save (obviously) and I can’t get to the good levels quickly enough!  

          Time to play 40 more hours of Evil Genius…


  6. Mookalakai says:

     Farming Simulator is a game explicitly made for aging, crippled old farmers trying to relive the glory days of the fields. One last bale of hay, they’ll always be saying…..

    • Citric says:

      Aging, crippled old farmers still farm. They might need help getting into the tractor, but they’ll never admit they can’t do it.

  7. Electric Dragon says:

    “Medal of Honor:Warfighter”. Is this the most generic subtitle for a game ever? Coming Soon: Assassin’s Creed:Manstabber. Call Of Duty:Gunshooter. Football Manager:Football Manager.

  8. stakkalee says:

    How can it be a realistic farming simulator for 2013 if it doesn’t include a gameplay option where you play as an Archer Daniels Midland executive, reading earnings reports and forcing family farms to close? It better include a mini-game where you negotiate with the Teamsters’ Union rep over haulage rates.

    • BarbleBapkins says:

      I prefer Farm Subsidy Simulator 2013. I don’t actually play the game, and the company sends me 50 dollars.

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      Don’t forget your fields being cross-pollinated by Monsanto seeds, and then receiving a bill for growing plants patented by them!

    • Enkidum says:

      We’re a bunch of whiny libtards here, aren’t we?

      Note: Enkidum approves of whiny libtards. The iPad’s spell check wants to change it to libraries. Socialism!

  9. Spacemonkey Mafia says:

    Judging by the trailer, Lucius looks a hot mess.
       But on the upside, the black and white screen grab used on the main page column title looks like one of those delightful ‘before’ scenes from an infomercial.

       “Oh no!  Your son is the seed of the Great Adversary!
              Making ominous proclimations,
              Dropping the help from balconies,
              And all the pea-soup stains on the wallpaper!

              Exorcisms don’t seem to do the trick,
              Your secular humanism has left you weak and unprepared against the sigils and powers of The Deciever,
               And reading the entire Book of Revelations to discover the Key of Unmaking?  Who’s got the time!?!?!?”

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      You need new AntiChristAway!  The simple kitchen gadget that chops vegetables AND wards off evil!  Our patented Crucifix-Cut(tm) design will have you carving carrot crosses with ease!

      Act now, and we’ll throw in not one, not two, but THIRTY-SEVEN mini-shammies, perfect for absorbing blood of murdered pets and housekeepers!

      • blue vodka lemonade says:

         Just pay separate shipping and handling!*

        *No shipping available to: Territories inside or outside the US, Guam, or Earth. Delivery not guaranteed. May the Lord have mercy on your soul.

  10. caspiancomic says:

    Lucius looks like they were so certain they’d get the rights to The Omen that they just started making the game anyway. Kind of like how Mega Man was supposed to be Astro Boy, except that Mega Man changed gaming history for the better while this is no doubt the last time I’ll ever hear about Lucius.

    • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

      So you think!  Diabolical Laughter …laughter …laughter -fading- …laughter…

    • Girard says:

       “how Mega Man was supposed to be Astro Boy”

      Can you source that? I know he was pretty clearly based on Astro Boy (plus a Sentai suit), but I’ve never heard that MegaMan was originally supposed to be an Astro Boy game…

      • caspiancomic says:

         Funnily enough, sourcing that ended up being tougher than I thought. Preliminary research (read: Wikipedia) claims that Inafking cited Astro Boy as an “inspiration”, as you said, but I’d always heard that Mega Man was the result of an Astro Boy tie-in that went south. In the end, the closest thing I found to a genuine source for my claim is a UK Nintendo Magazine. Maybe it’s apocryphal after all?

  11. It might be stymied by Atlus’s bewildering inability to distinguish “ship date” with “on sale date”, but Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward should be out (some time) this week as well, for 3DS and Vita. This is the sequel to 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors and should be an equally bizarre little escape-the-room visual novel.

    Also, depending on when “this week” ends for the purposes of this feature, the new 3DS Professor Layton game (Mask of Miracles?) should be available on Sunday. Gonna be a great week for handheld puzzlers!

    • GhaleonQ says:

      And don’t forget GameArts’ Skull/Dokuro (last week).  I haven’t considered it much, but it has to be among my 5 favorite games of this year.  It has everything great about GameArts (easy to learn, hard to master; aesthetics; story; perfect and original game concepts) with what people like about handhelds (digital; bite-sized; skippable puzzles; inexpensive).

      Buy it!  Buy them all!

  12. CannedUnicornMeat says:

    These developers need to combine all their games to create an even better one! It would be called ‘Dwarves of honor, Lucius simulator: Giant Edition.’
    You would play spyro, an aspiring farmer whose dreams are shattered when a demon destroys his only tractor. You realize that the only logical thing to do would be to hire a dwarvish warrior to claim your revenge.

  13. Molemaniac says:

    I’m not seeing HOTLINE MIAMI! The best 1980s-based murder simulator since GTA:Vice City, or those weird nightmares you had about Miami Vice when you were a kid! From the makers of Keyboard Drumset Fucking Werewolf! HOTLINE MIAMI!

  14. Army_Of_Fun says:

    Hitman: Man Hitter

  15. Effigy_Power says:

    To reference Metalocalypse”

    “You are a metal band with a DJ and your singer raps? Can somebody tell these guys what decade it is?”

  16. blue vodka lemonade says:

    I am looking forward to the Steam Halloween Sale, assuming one happens, and purchasing a pile of spooky shit to tide me over until the Christmas sale, which exists to tide me over until summertime when I go out and like… interact. With other humans.

    They really have me on a short leash, don’t they?

    • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

      There are actually a handful of games I’d like to pick up that were released this year. Previous steam sales have given me just about any game I could want, so I didn’t get anything for the last few sales. I’m kind of excited/pissed about it.

  17. Citric says:

    Farming Simulator needs to come with a big jar of dust to make you super itchy all day, and a pile of shit so you can smell like that all day too.

    I did not enjoy farm life.