Keyboard Geniuses

Resident Evil 6

Colonel Sanders’ Swim Meet

Highlights from the week’s comment threads.

By Matt Kodner and Landon Gray Mitchell • October 5, 2012

Keyboard Geniuses is our weekly glance at a few intriguing, witty, or otherwise notable posts from the Gameological discussion threads. Comments have been excerpted and edited here for grammar, length, and/or clarity. You can follow the links to see the full threads.

Take Me To The River
Resident Evil 6

Though appreciating the effort put into it, Scott Jones was disappointed, to say the least, by Resident Evil 6. Numerous elements failed, but one seemed a glimmering beacon of hope: an evil Colonel Sanders doppelgänger. Not much of a spoiler, but a little ways into the game, The Colonel meets an untimely “end” by disappearing into a river, “never” to be seen again. Stakkalee took issue with a variety of stories implementing this similar watershed trope:

Having your villain “die” by disappearing into the river was old when Sam Raimi did it to Doc Ock in Spider-Man 2. It was old when Bill Finger did it to The Joker in Batman #4, and then again in Batman #5. It was old when Arthur Conan Doyle did it to Holmes off of Reichenbach Falls in “The Adventure of the Final Problem.” It was probably old when Set tricked his brother Osiris into that box and threw him in the Nile. What I’m saying is, weak sauce, Resident Evil, weak sauce.

Further picking apart the trope, Merve questioned the logistical barriers that would allow a villain to be rescued from said waters:

I always wonder: who rescues these guys from the river? Do all villains have personal assistants who lurk in the shadows while their masters fight the heroes and then jump into the river to rescue their masters once they’ve been defeated and the heroes have left? Do these personal assistants do anything else, or are they relegated to lifeguard duty? If they’re merely glorified lifeguards, then how much do they get paid? Is employing them even cost-effective? How does one get hired as a villain’s personal assistant/lifeguard? I mean, I can’t just browse the listings for EvilCorp and The Doom Company on Monster. Where do I send my résumé?

Who says no new jobs are being created?

I Swear, Fist To God
Fallout 3

This week’s inventory rounded up more than 17 cults and fringe religions notably featured in video games. Assassin’s Creed, in particular, was mentioned for its batshit storyline involving ancient aliens, Templars, and a final boss who is a particularly well-known religious figure. Christopher Paul elaborated on what makes the fight so damn great:

At the end of Assassin’s Creed 2 your character throws aside his weapons so he can duel Borgia mano-a-mano. For all the game’s flaws, you have to admit: Fist-fighting the pope is a pretty entertaining boss fight.

Probably made for an awkward communion later.

Welcome To The Jungle
Tokyo Jungle

Steve Heisler reviewed Tokyo Jungle, the game that lets you roam as a wild animal in post-human Japan, so long as that animal is male. Well, you can be a female, but it’s an extremely difficult and confusing process. Effigy Power called for gender equality in gaming and an end to ignorance:

When faced with discrimination, I always find these three possibilities (laziness, hatred or ignorance) at the center, and ignorance has always struck me as the most detestable, because it requires the least effort to change about oneself. But ignorance and beliefs derived therefrom are the culmination of a willingness to accept things that are dubious, false, or downright idiotic without bringing up the effort to make sure that they are correct. And in the day and age we live in, at least in our industrialized world, ignorance is by necessity always willful. There is in my mind nothing more detestable and damning than willful ignorance, and being a self-righteous cynic, I usually reach for that as the reason why things that piss me off are as they are.

It’s Gonna Booglarize You, Baby
Super Hexagon

Adam Volk gave Super Hexagon the Sawbuck treatment, and Captain Internet compared playing the addictive game to consuming an entire singer-songwriter album:

It’s very, very hard, but it’s one of those games that reprograms you as you play it. It’s like listening to a full Captain Beefheart or Ephel Duath album: You start off confused and miserable, but if you can go the full hour, normal music doesn’t seem worth listening to.

File this away for a future Alternate Soundtrack.

The Hank Hill Theory Of “Gameplay”

This week, Steve Heisler began Games Go To Hollywood, a new entry in our ongoing Special Topics In Gameology feature. Focusing on how classic TV shows misrepresented video games, Steve first picked apart the seminal Full House, and its terrified response to the addictive nature of games. Using a neat analogy, George_Liquor noted that our generation’s finest actors are still unsure how to fake-play a game:

It’s weird how actors have finally convinced themselves that fake-driving no longer means ridiculously jerking steering wheels back & forth, but they still think fake-gaming must involve wildly mashing buttons & waggling joysticks.

Amidst much vitriol directed towards the show itself, Taumpy Tears pointed us towards a particularly constructive representation from Arlen, Texas:

For anybody looking for a good depiction of video games, the King Of The Hill episode where Hank gets addicted to a Grand Theft Auto-style game that some kids made about him ironically. It captures something about GTA-style games that no one else has, which is that people can play their own way and NOT just randomly murder people. Hank gets into making deliveries and stopping purse-thieves. I remember reading a review for Vice City where the reviewer said his sister played the game for hours and never killed a person, she just rode around on a scooter exploring the city and seeing the sights, doing some of the odd jobs.

Us cats love synergy! Thanks for reading and commenting, and we’ll see you all next week!

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366 Responses to “Colonel Sanders’ Swim Meet”

  1. stakkalee says:

    I’m still compiling stats, but there’s a mistake – George didn’t make the comment about KotH, @TaumpyTearrs:disqus did, and it’ll net him a Plaid Jacket.

    • HobbesMkii says:

       *Gasp* But that would mean that Soupy is fallible! My whole world is collapsing around me!

    • Girard says:

       The weird font format thing makes me thing someone forgot to close an html tag somewhere, and George’s quote, along with the text leading into “…pointed us towards a particularly constructive representation from Arlen, Texas:” got swallowed up.

    • Girard says:

      And here is the missing/malformed code:

      <blockquote class="longquote><p>It&rsquo;s weird how actors have finally convinced themselves that fake-driving no longer means ridiculously jerking steering wheels back &amp; forth, but they still think fake-gaming must involve wildly mashing buttons &amp; waggling joysticks.</p></blockquote>

      <p>Amidst much vitriol directed towards the show itself, <b>Taumpy Tears</b> <a href="http://gameological.com/2012/10/games-go-to-hollywood-full-house/#comment-667411412">pointed us towards a particularly constructive representation</a> from Arlen, Texas:</p>

      <blockquote class="longquote"><p>For anybody looking for a good depiction of video games, the <i>King Of The Hill</i> episode where Hank gets addicted to a <i>Grand Theft Auto</i>-style game that some kids made about him ironically. It captures something about <i>GTA</i>-style games that no one else has, which is that people can play their own way and NOT just randomly murder people. Hank gets into making deliveries and stopping purse-thieves. I remember reading a review for <i>Vice City</i> where the reviewer said his sister played the game for hours and never killed a person, she just rode around on a scooter exploring the city and seeing the sights, doing some of the odd jobs.</p></blockquote>

      This should provide you with the necessary data. Both @george_liquor AND @TraumpyTearrs were honored this week.

      • Aurora Boreanaz says:

        I think the messed up code might also be screwing up Disqus?  I got a bunch of notifications that people replied to my comment below, but I still only see 2 replies (and one reply-to-reply).

      • stakkalee says:

        Many thanks, De-tec-tive. [/Ra’s]

        • Girard says:

           No problem!

          Oh, and, uh, no need to dig through the code yourself to see, but Girard got, like, uh, 5 mentions. The code just, uh, swallowed them. Honest.

  2. George_Liquor says:

    Though I would truly appreciate another feline shout-out, that quote isn’t mine.

  3. Effigy_Power says:

    My first mention was a heartwarming story about my niece.
    Now it’s all complaining. I appear bitter, don’t I?
    Next week is going to be all kittens and flowers and shit.

    • Girard says:

      Eff, next week, in a retrospective on Flower: “I hate flowers, they smell!”

       Eff, next week, in a review of an obscure import Hello Kitty game:  “I didn’t know kittens could be sexist. Color me surprised. What a bunch of assholes. Fuck ’em. Fuck ’em all.”

    • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

      I always love hearing (seeing, whatever) people talking about gender n shit, especially in regards to videogames. Just sayin’.

  4. Aurora Boreanaz says:

    Congrats to the winners!

    On a related side note, I thought y’all might be interested in this story:

    http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/ingame/republicans-out-democrat-world-warcraft-witch-hunt-6283586

    Apparently the Republicans in Maine think that playing video games is equivalent to treason for someone in public office.  I’m sure they’d have no problem justifying their own love of football, golf, or yelling at young’uns to get off their lawn.

    • Effigy_Power says:

      Sometimes I have a hard time not groaning.
      But then WoW-players are pretty fucked up as a whole.

      Just kidding.

    • NarcolepticPanda says:

      Oh look, those teabaggers *coughs* sorry, the Tea Party thinks WoW is more sadistic than shooting wolves out of helicopters. Well, that seems logical. I mean, that character is GREEN! And her name sounds NON-EUROPEAN! But in all seriousness, @Effigy_Power:disqus , any more room up there?

      /rant

      Sorry, still in a bad mood after the debate.

      *shakes head*

    • George_Liquor says:

      Funny, everybody I know who plays WoW–which amounts to a whopping two people –are  hardcore republicans.

      • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

        I bet that’s also the sole number of hard-core republicans you know.  A tidy little venn diagram.
           I wonder if it’s the same principle as table-top war gaming?  That particular sub-set of nerddom seems to draw a much higher than average number of chickenhawk conservatives. 

        • George_Liquor says:

          Sadly, I know many, many… *sigh* many, many more than those two. I seem to be related to about half of the GOP. 

        • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

          Yikes. It’s enough to drive a man’s online avatar to drink.

    • Merve says:

      As far as the Maine senate race goes, it’s true that people in the public eye need to watch what they say, both orally and in print, and I think it would be fair to criticize Ms. Lachowicz for any comments she made in World of Warcraft that could be considered offensive in context. But criticizing her for merely playing the game? That’s just juvenile. Conflating the two criticisms makes this seem like a desperate attempt to discredit her by appealing to the “video games are evil” crowd. To be frank, if she was able to mount a competent enough political campaign that her opponents deemed it necessary to unleash such a silly attack, then clearly her gaming hasn’t been detrimental to her ability to do her job.

      • HobbesMkii says:

         The comments are hardly “crude, vicious, and violent” though. They’re just kinda a tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment of the violence in the game, and her opposition to it real life, as well as a desire to be doing something fun rather than working.

      • HobbesMkii says:

         The comments are hardly “crude, vicious, and violent” though. They’re just kinda a tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment of the violence in the game, and her opposition to it real life, as well as a desire to be doing something fun rather than working.

  5. stakkalee says:

    It was a slow week, but then, CONTROVERSY!  Or a simple mistake, take your pick.

    Most-commented-article goes to the fringe religions Inventory with 137 comments, narrowly edging out the Resident Evil 6 review, which only had 130 comments.

    Despite it’s second-place status, the RE6 review did give us 4 of the top 5 most-liked comments.  Those are:

    1) @NarcolepticPanda:disqus, with 37 likes on this bank-shot punchline-to-a-punchline.  Thank god he had another guy!

    2) @Citric:discus, with 32 likes on the original punchline.  Sometimes the panda gets you, my friend.

    3) Fixda Fernback (@DigThatFunk:disqus) with 24 likes on this comment defending the honor of GS.  A twirl of the mustache, my good sir-or-ma’am!

    4) Gareth Hughes from Facebook, with 17 likes on this terrible pun, because all puns are terrible.

    And a tie for fifth:@MikeMariano:disqus had 15 likes on this comment about Earthbound, and @Staggering_Stew_Bum:disqus also got 15 likes for his form error.  I’m going to blame Stew for any and all further HTML errors on this site.  And everywhere else; why not?
    And now the real reason we’re here, hep cats and kittens.  After the judges were taken out back and lashed, @TaumpyTearrs:disqus gets a plaid jacket, as does Christopher Paul (let’s see if Disqus has learned how to handle Facebook notifications, @facebook-639797745:disqus).  Welcome aboard, and start practicing your harumphs!

    @George_Liquor:disqus gets a third pin, and with 17 likes that also makes his comment the most-liked KG comment. @Captain_Internet:disqus gets a fourth pin, as do I (woohoo!), @Merve2:disqus gets an eighth (fist-bump), and the Queen moves back into third, getting her eleventh pin!  Our leaderboard is now at @Paraclete_Pizza:disqus with 13, @caspiancomic:disqus with 12, and @Effigy_Power:disqus with 11.  Well done one and all!

    I’ll leave you with two links: one, some gorgeous Pac Man propaganda posters, and the other, a list of 10 weird World Championships.  That Air Sex competitor is really giving his all!  So that’s it, and until next week, keep it scintillating!

    • Effigy_Power says:

      What? No mention of my 1000th post?
      Has my obsessive, almost stalker-like tenacity been for NOTHING?
      I DEMAND TO BE REWARDED FOR QUANTITY!!!

      • Girard says:

         But, but, you’ve moved up in the “like” rankings? Doesn’t that count for anything?

        (This is where you scream “I’M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS!”)

        • Effigy_Power says:

          YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUawwfuck.
          Wrong outrage.

        • HobbesMkii says:

          I’m pretty impressed by the rise, here. I didn’t think anyone could challenge your numbers, Girard, but Eff’s on pace to overtake you.

        • Girard says:

           @HobbesMkii:disqus If someone as eminently “like” able (and likable, without the affected quote marks) as you can get passed up, I really don’t hold any illusions about my ability to maintain pole position.

          However, Eff might want to check her brake lines at the end of each day as she heads out to the Gameological parking lot. Sometimes “accidents” happen to people who put on airs and try to rise above their station, if you catch my drift…

        • Effigy_Power says:

          On the day my helicopter has to be repaired, I’ll just let my adolescent slaves start and test my car. That’s what they are for.

  6. Merve says:

    I think Disqus might have pooped its pants today. I’m getting reply notifications for comments that don’t appear to exist. I think I’ve seen a couple of comments disappear, and there has been at least one that was incorrectly flagged for review.

    DISQUUUUUUUUUUS!!!!

    • NarcolepticPanda says:

      Yeah, I’ve had a couple comments deleted. Wasn’t sure if it was my web browser or Disqus, but, given my previous experiences earlier in the week, I’m prone to blame Disqus.

      • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

        Have you thought that perhaps they’ve been removed due to your inflammatory pro-video games agenda?!?! 

  7. Mr. Glitch says:

    Hi everybody, Mr. Glitch here! I’m kicking off my month-long Halloween horror-fest-o-rama with a review of Splatterhouse for the TurboGrafx-16. Head on over to mathmanmustdie.blogspot.com, get out your favorite chainsaw and have a ball with the denizens of the West Mansion!

    • Girard says:

       Have you ever played Chibi Splatterhouse for the Famicom? It is kind of awesome. The first level ends with a Thriller dance homage.

      • Mr. Glitch says:

        I have not, but I sincerely thank you for introducing me to it. That game looks absolutely terrific! The Famicom, along with most Japanese consoles, is a big gap in my gaming knowledge; one I hope to start filling soon.