Sawbuck Gamer

No, Birdie, No!

Get A Grip

No, Birdie, No! is a white-knuckle experience.

By Steve Heisler • November 9, 2012

No, Birdie, No! is the perfect commentary on our technologically obsessed culture. To survive, you must literally cling to your keyboard, holding down the ASDF keys to hold onto the side of a mountain. A bird comes along and pecks at your fingers, requiring you to lift just the right keys to keep clinging without falling. The hands are mirror images of each other, too, meaning you sometimes lift the wrong finger and have a large red welt to show for your mistake. That bird might as well be the Twitter bird, sapping your attention span and requiring you to be particularly dexterous with your typing.

The game is unfussy and simple. The look is a moderate evolution of Apple II-era visuals, and your score is a tabulation of how long you stay on the mountain. No special powers, nothing fancy. It’s just you and your keyboard, the latter acting as a lifeboat of sorts in which you keep afloat rather than face the darkness of the game ending. Not that the ending is dark—it’s more about the void you feel when you close the tab and are forced to move on to nondigital pursuits, like reading a book or churning butter.

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389 Responses to “Get A Grip”

  1. Aaron Riccio says:

    Why did that game require the Unity player?! 

    In any case, bare-knuckling gameplay led to a rather boring experience, all told, on my end. But maybe I just suck at mirroring.

    I did enjoy yelling the title of the game at the bird, though. Only I think I was more “Why? WHYYYYY?!”

    • Effigy_Power says:

      Funny enough, the “Why Unity player for this” was my first thought too.
      Followed by “mirrorz are for noobz and I hate this”.
      It might be fun, but I am notoriously bad at this.

      • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

        I had to use my stupid right hand which felt awful and wrong on the asdf keys. It reminded me of a Warioware or Rhythm Heaven game, which is cool. But this was way less fun than either of those.

  2. Overflight says:

    This game becomes trivially easy once you discover that this guy has the uncanny ability to hang by only two fingers indefinitely. Just keep pressing one key and when the bird approaches press another (making sure to not let go the first one first, naturally).

  3. wzzzzd says:

    I straight up cannot get my head around the left hand being backwards. If it was up to me I’d have ASDF and JKL: and two birds. Maybe that’d be too easy, but at least the wiring in my brain would be able to make sense of it.