Sawbuck Gamer

Quantum Patrol

If You Can’t Beat ’Em, Quantum

Quantum Patrol is familiar and fresh at the same time.

By Jason Reich • January 16, 2013

Sawbuck Gamer is our daily review of a free or cheap ($10 or less) game.

Sometime in the distant or perhaps not-quite-distant future, the galaxy world of mankind is being threatened by an undeniably evil evilness. As Earth-manity’s only hope, it is up to you to infiltrate the enemy’s HQ-station and retrieve the MacGuffin 6000. Also, turrets. Lots of turrets.

Okay, so Quantum Patrol’s hoary backstory, nonsensical title, and generic sci-fi trappings aren’t that exciting. The enemies aren’t particularly distinct, and the puzzles are all “put this block on this button to open this door” fare. Despite all that, there’s a slick little action game hiding beneath the tropes. The mouse aims and shoots while you direct movement and choose weapons from the keyboard. Aside from a few tricky grappling-hook sections, the two-handed control scheme is easy enough to manage even for folks like me who aren’t terribly coordinated. The physical space is nondescript, but it’s built in a way that requires some strategy and memorization. Go charging in (or rather, rolling in) with guns blazing, and you’ll find yourself quickly overwhelmed, but the levels are short enough and the save points frequent enough that progress is never a chore. There’s not a whole lot new about Quantum Patrol, but there’s still a lot to like. Dust off your robo-lasers, outer-space astro-bot, the Generic Federation Empire of World-Planets is counting on you.

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  • http://twitter.com/tapirman Kyle O’Reilly

    Have you guys done Frog Fractions yet? You should do Frog Fractions.

  • Aurora Boreanaz

    The generic-ness reminds me of my standard go-to whenever professional sports come up in conversations.  “Go sports teams!  Win the games with points!”  (Not to express disdain that others like sports, just that I mostly don’t pay attention to them.)

    • George_Liquor

      I know the feeling. My only goal, when the topic of Sportball comes up, is to not sound like a complete moron. I find that vague comments about bad officiating are usually safe.

      • PaganPoet

        I just lie back and think of England.

      • http://thewavefunctionjunction.blogspot.com/ trilobiter

         I just agree with everybody constantly.  “Oh yeah, yeah, I hear that’s true.  Crazy, huh?”

  • http://thewavefunctionjunction.blogspot.com/ trilobiter

    I like this game, but it’s hard to keep all the different keys straight, because I’m apparently a moron.

    Also, I got stuck at a gate I couldn’t open.

    • Aurora Boreanaz

      Did you reverse the polarity of the neutron flow?  Recalibrate the deflector dish to pick up neutrino signatures?  Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around?

      • George_Liquor

        I’m done rekafoobling the energy-mo-tron. Or, whatever.

        • BarbleBapkins

           Like a Balloon! And something bad happens!