Out This Week

Dead Space 3

FANBOY OVER HERE!!!

YouTube commenters give us the Dead Space 3 scoop, plus more of the week’s new releases.

By John Teti • February 5, 2013

Out This Week is a roundup of new games that are out this week. These listings don’t constitute an endorsement or a review of any sort. We also don’t pretend that this is an exhaustive list. If there’s a game on the horizon that interests you, share it in the comments.

Dead Space 3
PC, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360—February 5

Hi everyone, it’s your editor, John Teti, filling in for Steve Heisler this week. Longtime readers know what that means. It’s time for another edition of New Video Games As Explained By YouTube Comments. Today’s subject is Dead Space 3. Hmm. Some sort of sci-fi game? I’m not familiar with it. Please fill me in, YouTube commenters!

This game looks like its gonna suck 1st reason its sooooo unrealistic 2nd reason C.O.D is waaaaay better and i would play that any day over this peice of shit game

the cod series was a very good series i to an extent agree with you

FANBOY OVER HERE !!! ALERT WE GOTTA A GAY ASS FANBOY OVER HERE

People, focus. The topic is Dead Space 3.

That sucks, Isacc’s insanity really sold the game for me, all his cool visions and how he couldnt cope along with anything

Actually this was said a while ago, like months ago when the game didn’t have a trailer, but Issac might still have a bit more insanity inside him. Idk if it’s part of the game, but he might have a split personality because of DS and DS2

Okay, insanity level is debatable. What else?

For people who are complaining about the actionized horror….look at the relationship between the movies Alien, and Aliens. Remember how that turned out?

Yes.

Dead Space 3 is what Resident Evil 6 should’ve been like, dark and gritty

Good news. Never dark OR gritty, please. Always both.

shut the fuck up you dumbass Crysis came out before the COD craze you dipshit

and COD is just a rip off of any FPS before it ?, shit Black is better then COD, so is medal of honor underground. or European assault

COD is the real piece of garbage, you shouldnt even be saying COD i s agood game to begin with, its total crap just like madden dickheads

go play a real game like Heavy Rain or Alan wake, maybe some system shock 2. i bet you’ve never even played singularity

you GTFO

johnny boy

Teti’s Law Of YouTube Comments holds again: As a comment thread for a YouTube video game trailer grows in size, its content asymptotically approaches a Call Of Duty flamewar. Closing arguments?

Yeh this game is shit

Rebuttal?

Woah there Hitler

Fist Of The North Star: Ken’s Rage 2
Playstation 3, Xbox 360—February 5; Wii U—February 7

Fist Of The North Star: Ken’s Rage 2 is a game in which a man with powerful fists (yes, “fists” plural—ignore the misleading title) beats up larger men with even more powerful fists while buxom women look on in awe. It’s a real heartwarmer, basically the Rudy of games where you punch people. That said, I don’t know how good Ken’s Rage 2 is going to be, and I’m not going to read the YouTube comments to find out. All I know is that I won’t be happy until they finally translate Fist Of The North Star Typing for American audiences. If there’s anything that life as a professional writer has taught me, it’s that beating enemies unconscious with your words is really hard, even with caps lock on. Only with Fist Of The North Star Typing can I live the dream.

Sly Cooper: Thieves In Time
PlayStation 3, PlayStation Vita—February 5

No joke, this game looks like a lot of fun. The trailer is done up to make Thieves In Time look like a playable version of the old Mission: Impossible TV series, which is available on Netflix and worth watching the next time you’ve got an hour to kill. Did you know that Peter Graves didn’t become the leader of the Impossible Missions Force until season two? He replaced another actor, Steven Hill, who left the show because of disagreements with the producers. The Sly Cooper series has a similar history. Few people know that Sly Cooper, the raccoon super-thief, was a bonobo in the first Cooper game. The developers had to fire Bonobo Sly after the ape got too “handsy” with the other anthropomorphic animals. Sly Cooper: I Can’t Help It! is now a mostly forgotten footnote in video game lore.

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  • ItsTheShadsy

    “Johnny Boy” is my new favorite insult. What does that even mean?

    • http://gameological.com/author/jasonreich/ Jason Reich

       Was that an insult? I thought he was signing off.

      • HobbesMkii

        It’s totally ambiguous!
        johnny boy

        • Spacemonkey Mafia

          I am completely offended and/or objectively acknowledging the the completion of your statement!

      • djsubversive

        I think you’re right, but it’s way more amusing to think of the last two lines mashed together as an insult. “You GTFO johnny boy”

        • djsubversive

          I keep reading “GTFO” as “git-fo.”

          Amusement is a lot easier to find when you’ve been up all night. Thanks, coffee!

        • Aurora Boreanaz

          That’s the abbreviation for the lesser-known political prison, Gitdafuckoffama Bay.

      • ItsTheShadsy

        Digging up the original comment, it looks like the commenter was responding to someone named “john johnny,” so it’s… sort of an insult? It’s such a weird thing to say.

        • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

          It strikes me as a very grade school kind of thing. You call a person by their name as if the name itself were an insult. It implies that their most fundamental identity is worthy of contempt.

      • Mookalakai

         *Johnny Boy drops mic

      • George_Liquor

        Johnny Boy out!

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/mattman-begins,89632 Mattman Begins

      I’m actually more interested in this spinoff of EA’s NFL franchise that he alludes to:  Madden Dickheads.  If he thinks it’s total crap, he probably only played the DS version.

      johnny boy

  • rvb1023

    Dead Space 3 will be one of the biggest messes of a release ever, the lead up to its release has been nothing but bad press.

    I also wonder if Fist of the North Star: Ken’s Rage 2 will be as ridiculously stupid as the first. It had better be.

    • http://twitter.com/tapirman Kyle O’Reilly

      I wouldn’t really say biggest mess ever.  I think it will do alright, like the other Dead Space games but not as good as EA wants.

      Most of the bad press was on dedicated gaming sites where a fraction of the majority of gamers actually go, and now that it’s been released the game has received some positive reviews and the “shoddy PC-port” rumor was shot down by some users on reddit when they found out you could edit everything from FOV to anti-aliasing, etc.

      I enjoyed the first 2 games though the lack of horror elements is a downer, I am attracted to the variable-weapon system and the chance to see the trilogy come to a close.  Apparently the end gets wicked freaky and throws a lot of the lore on it’s head.

      Long story short; yeah, I’m gonna Redbox this.

      • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

        I really enjoyed DS1, popped in the disk for DS2 and found it almost alarmingly tension-free, the opening scene was all gore and shock and not at all the same type of ‘creepy’, so turned it off.  Does DS2 slow down eventually or is it hell-bent-for-action all the way through?

        • http://twitter.com/tapirman Kyle O’Reilly

          It slows down at parts but while the pace is quicker there are some enemies that take advantage of the hair trigger style to really make you pee your pantalones. 

          I couldn’t find any good youtube videos of it, but a little ways in to the game there are enemies nick named “raptors” that move in packs and hide in areas with lots of corners and will peak around at you, or dash quickly enough for you to just see that one flanked you.  This creates an environment where you’re constantly looking over your shoulder to see if one is peaking out behind you or if they’re moving closer. They also have a hideous howl for when they kamikaze charge you.  They scared me more than a few times.

          Also it’s worth it just to see the contrast between these immaculate church of Unintology buildings and the porous, disgusting behemoths within them.

        • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

          Hmm, okay, thanks, maybe I’ll tough it out!  I’m actually curious about that church business.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005030347854 Lawrence Allen

          I never really forgave them for making Isaac talk. There was something weirdly existential and touching about a mute every man confronting an incomprehensible alien menace, the embrace of fanged monsters the only meaningful contact with another life he ever had.

      • Raging Bear

        The one burning, unanswered question is: how will Dead Space 3 affect our mothers? The Dead Space 2 press blitz left us with no doubt in this regard.

        • Pandas_please

           As much as I hate those ads, I can’t help but admire them a little for knowing their target audience so well and making the perfect commercial for them.

    • GaryX

      The only thing I really have against Dead Space 3 is having monetized transactions in a game because “it’s what gamers expect due to the app store market.” What a fucking whack excuse.

      • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

        “Gamers are used to being fucked over by EA, and we hate to disappoint them.”

      • valondar

         It’s just comments like that which make me feel like I live on another planet. I mean I know I’m a perennially out of touch PC gamer who browses gog for old crap, but the idea anyone expects microtransactions as a given in a non-FTP game just boggles the mind.

      • http://twitter.com/jeremyrsaunders Jeremy Saunders

        EA: IT’S IN THE GAME.*

        *Not actually in the game. May be available as DLC to put it in the game. May be on the disc, but not in the game. Online pass required to put it in the game. We reserve the right to shut down the servers at any stage, in which case it will no longer be in the game.

    • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

      It will be just like Resident Evil 6, another game tweaked and changed my marketing execs and focus groups. Capcom recently announced that it underpreformed. Granted, it sold 5 million copies, so to most people, calling that underpreformance is insane. But all of these idiot publishers are literally trying to capture Call of Duty sales numbers, which will just not happen. Ever. With anything they try. Call of Duty is a phenomenon unto itself, and the sooner these colostomy bags like John Riccitiello realize that, the better. However, that still wont stop them from trying to squeeze every cent out of the product and doing things like adding a free-to-play sales mechanism inside of a full-price retail game. As much as I loved Dead Space as an IP, I would really rather just see it collapse and fail so at least EA can stop turning it in to a cynical corporate joke.

  • His_Space_Holiness

    Well, color me psyched for the Sly Cooper sequel! Looks like the new studio has the style down pat.

    • http://twitter.com/tapirman Kyle O’Reilly

      the sly cooper series was a very good series i to an extent agree with you.

      • PaganPoet

        Woah there Hitler

        • Citric

          FANBOY OVER HERE !!! ALERT WE GOTTA A GAY ASS FANBOY OVER HERE

        • PaganPoet

          Well, I technically AM a huge fan of gay ass.

        • Effigy_Power

          I find that seriously discriminates against gay fanny fangirls.

          Thanks Obama.
          (Seriously, how was that not mentioned?)

      • Chum Joely

        Since when do we between the subject and main verb of a sentence put prepositional phrases like that?

        In other news, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. (–Churchill)

    • http://pseudonymjones.com/ Pseudonym Jones

      I didn’t realize I wanted to play a new Sly Cooper until I gave the demo a spin. It seems like it plays exactly like Sly 3 and apparently I’m in the mood for that!

      As I was playing I found myself asking “Why don’t video game bad guys explode into bouncy, spinning coins anymore?” Gosh it feels so good to explode a bad guy into bouncy, spinning coins again. So nostalgic.

  • HobbesMkii

    John Teti’s Law of YouTube Comments sounds very much like Godwin’s Law (which I would be remiss if I didn’t point out was once again proven in those selected comments).

    • Enkidum

      Woah there hitler.

    • http://gameological.com/author/jasonreich/ Jason Reich

      GTFO Adolfy Boy

    • Effigy_Power

       Thanks Obama.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Kovalsky/1504237433 Peter Kovalsky

        Not sure that’ll ever get old, Eff.

        • Effigy_Power

          Nevah.

  • PugsMalone

    “go play a real game like Heavy Rain”

    Christ.

    • HobbesMkii

      The tenor of the discussion around Call of Duty on the Internet reminds me a lot of the tenor of discussion of Ayn Rand’s body of work. For people who’ve read it (or played, in this case), very few of them are on the fence in their opinions, and many (though not all) feel compelled to loudly oppose the side that disagrees with them. It’s fascinating, like watching a fight break out at a bus stop between two people you don’t know.

      • valondar

         The other thing about Call of Duty arguments is they’re infectious. I’ve seen long Call of Duty rants when all I wanted was a playthrough of a Doom level (although I did like this video which is essentially one extended shot at Call of Duty’s single player campaign):
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4yIxUOWrtw

    • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

      It’s really funny to read someone making an argument that you might find in a more literary game corner of the Internet (recommending narrative-heavy games like Heavy Rain and Alan Wake, or classics like System Shock 2 over Call of Duty-style military FPSes) written in YouTube-ese.

      SHUT THE FUCK UP, NOOB, MAN-UP AND PLAY A REAL GAME LIKE A MIND FOREVER VOYAGING. THAT SHIT IS MAD IMMERSIVE, DIPSHIT, AND WILL TOTALLY FUCK YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR LINEAR GOAL-BASED PLAY. JOHNNY BOY.

      • Raging Bear

        I think “Johnny Boy” is officially Gameological’s newest meme.

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

          It also works as a nick-name for Gameological’s founder/mascot, John Teti! (Though I doubt “Stud Fiend” will ever be fully deposed.)

        • HobbesMkii

          I hope so. None of the legwork I did for MAXIMUM CHICKEN paid off.

        • GaryX

          @paraclete_pizza:disqus LOL. Will never not refer to John Teti as “Johnny Boy” now.

        • djsubversive

          whoa there hitler

        • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

          @paraclete_pizza:disqus : It doesn’t have to be an either/or situation. Johnny Boy is a great name for a stud fiend.

          @HobbesMkii:disqus: It’s even more disappointing that nobody wants to talk about Cole Phelps anymore. :( On the bright side, though, those YouTube comments were totally MAXIMUM CHICKEN.

        • Effigy_Power

          Thanks Obama.

      • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

        YO WASH THE SAND OUT OF YOUR PUSSY BEFORE YOU EVEN TRY TO ENJOY THE METICULOUS ART AND ENTHRALLING STORYTELLING OF BASTION
        johnny boy

        • djsubversive

          LISTEN UP, FUCKSTICK, YOU WANT FUCKIN’ STORYTELLING, YOU GOTTA PLAY PLANESCAPE: TORMENT. WHAT CAN CHANGE THE NATURE OF A BITCH
          johnny boy

      • Fluka

        This game looks like its gonna suck 1st reason its sooooo unpoetic 2nd reason Proteus is waaaaay better and i would play that any day over this peice of shit game

      • uselessyss

        That’s kind of ZMF’s schtick, isn’t it?

        Like his  appraisal of Defcom.

        • djsubversive

          “I fucked up a shark” is pretty much the best thing about Far Cry 3. Not fucking up a shark in-game, but that all ZMF could write was “I fucked up a shark”.

    • Citric

      If it doesn’t have an interactive shower sequence, it’s not a real game.

  • djsubversive

    a) I’m on my 25th hour of being awake so bear with me (stupid delivery was delayed by two hours).  Also, thanks Merve, Effigy, Kovalsky, and Emperor Norton I for helping me stay awake all night. It may have been a mistake, but at least I’ll fall asleep easily in about ten minutes. :)

    b) There are people who cite COD as a “realistic” first-person shooter? Forgetting for a moment that “realistic” isn’t fun for a video game, what the fuck kind of drugs are these people on? This is a series that uses lasers shaped like M4A1s and M249s.

    3) You want a more “realistic” shoot-man simulator? VBS. Since you probably don’t have access to that, the next “best” thing would be the ArmA series (and it’s predecessor, Operation Flashpoint). For actual games, though, S.T.A.L.K.E.R.’s gunplay makes CoD look like paintball.

    4) Dead Space is not an FPS, so the comparison isn’t even valid. Unless DS3 has totally changed up the formula. I haven’t been paying attention to it.

    5/e) “a real game like Heavy Rain or Alan Wake” – somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t both of those less “game” and more “interactive story”? (I have zero first-hand experience with either title, so this one might be way off-base. I blame lack of sleep).

    last) Sly Cooper looks pretty neat.

    • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

      FANBOY OVER HERE !!!

      • djsubversive

        for S.T.A.L.K.E.R.? fuck yeah. 

        • Effigy_Power

          Whoa there Stalin.
          (because it plays in Russia… I don’t know…)

        • http://www.avclub.com/users/mattman-begins,89632 Mattman Begins

           Thanks Putin.

        • djsubversive

          @Effigy_Power:disqus and @MattmanBegins:disqus : Ukraine. Learn your depressing eastern European countries that had nuclear disasters, guys.

    • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

      Did you guys play Payday: The Heist all night again?

      • djsubversive

        no. Effigy, Merve, and Kovalsky had a pretty interesting discussion that I had very little to add to, but it was enough to keep me awake. Then we ranted about video games for a while, until those three went to bed. Then Norton and I played Torchlight 2 for an hour or so. click-click-loot. It’s a great time-waster.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Kovalsky/1504237433 Peter Kovalsky

          Cue all the non-chat-regulars going, “Who the fuck is Kovalsky?”

          I feel like John Galt.

          See how I tied that back, there?

        • djsubversive

          @facebook-1504237433:disqus That’s a shortcoming of all the non-chat regulars, not you or me.

          See how I tied that back, there? :)

      • HobbesMkii

        Oh, yeah. Payday. We should play Payday again, @djsubversive:disqus 

        • djsubversive

          Yes we should. We should also try to get two more people so we don’t have to deal with bots.

        • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

          *cough*

        • djsubversive

          @twitter-495079299:disqus Lozenge?

          (Seriously, though, hop in the steam chat sometime. We’ll rob a bank and try to steal diamonds and end up spreading the L4D Infection from Mercy Hospital and stuff.)

    • George_Liquor

      Isn’t there a “hyper-realistic” WWII FPS? One that takes into account wind, bullet trajectories and such?

      • Chum Joely

        Ironically, you may eventually not need to take account of such things anymore when shooting actual guns:

        Futuristic rifle turns novice into sharpshooter

      • djsubversive

        It’s not “hyper-realistic,” but the first Sniper Elite had all that. Wind, posture, distance, and adrenaline levels are all taken into account when sniping. Unfortunately, it also has psychic enemies who seem to all know where you are almost immediately after you take a shot, even if you’re almost completely hidden and you’re using the sound of a passing squadron of jets or an artillery barrage to mask the sound of your gunfire.

        Sniper Elite 2, on the other hand, is less awesome, prettier, and you can (with DLC) shoot Hitler in the groin.

        • George_Liquor

          That must be it. I guess a “hyper-realistic” FPS wouldn’t be too fun, anyway: If you get shot once, you spend the rest of the game suffering from chronic pain and trying to collect veteran’s benefits.

        • djsubversive

          @George_Liquor:disqus I didn’t see the FPS part. Sniper Elite is third-person, other than your sniper scope and binoculars (which have better magnification than the scope).

          The ACE mod for ArmA 2 is pretty hardcore, as far as hyper-realism goes. Getting wounded means you start bleeding, and can be treated by bandages. If you move, you bleed out more. And you’re slowed down, on top of the already-pretty-ridiculous stamina system that has a trained Marine out of breath after jogging for 40 meters. If you go down? TEN-MINUTE coma. Real-time. No exaggeration. Effigy_Power and Mooy can back me up on this. You can only be treated by a medic (other than light bandaging), and only fully healed by a medic at a field hospital or near an ambulance. 

          BONUS: While you’re in that ten-minute coma, you can’t use the in-game chat system at all. You occasionally get brief periods of semi-consciousness, where you can look around and even move your head (a signal that you’re still alive). A medic can inject you with an epi-pen to bring you out of it, but you’re still most likely wounded, so you’ll need bandaging. And morphine to dull the pain. And maybe a tourniquet for a broken limb. You wouldn’t be able to walk anyway, just crawl along the ground.

          So, if you ARE actually interested in a “hyper-realistic FPS,” ACE comes pretty close. And you’re right, it turned out to be not very fun when we got into combat rather than just seeing what neat tricks I could do with the editor.

          The mod DOES have some neat features, though, and it’s an impressive overhaul of ArmA 2 (which is a pretty mil-sim-ish game already). It’s probably actually pretty fun, if you’re in a big  coordinated multiplayer game. Just not for 3-4 players like I was trying to do.

      • EmperorNortonI

         Red Orchestra is pretty good.  The bullets are ballistic, aiming is hard, and they hit with pretty serious force – most kill in one hit.  There are also tanks.  The biggest knock on the game is that the environments are almost totally non-destructible.  So, the impact of a T-34′s main gun on the lower side armor of a Stug is well modeled, but neither of them can drive over a wooden fence.

    • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

      Wait – what’s being delivered? Were you chatting with them while you were going into labor?

      • djsubversive

        haha, no. I had to go to work at dawn to meet a guy in a truck. A totally legit operation that has nothing to do with smuggling.

      • GaryX

        Second the interest. Why were you staying up?

        • Effigy_Power

          Sub shares his flat with a monster that eats dreams. Or he drank too much coffee.
          One of those two.

  • ComradePig

     In more important news, the first information about the Witcher 3 has been released. An infinity of boners is the result.

    http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2013/02/05/the-witcher-3-wild-hunt-bigger-than-skyrim-30-times-the-size-of-the-witcher-2/

    The less said about the thoroughly depressing Dead Space 3 the better. EA has diluted the quality of numerous franchises but rarely so transparently as turning an atmospheric horror series like Dead Space into a redundant Gears of War clone. The box art alone is hopelessly generic.

    • djsubversive

      Is it odd for anyone else that Forbes has become a relatively decent source of video game news and information?

      • valondar

         I really liked their review of Guild Wars 2, partially because it was one of the few that felt like it wasn’t fawning all over ArenaNet, but delivered the criticisms in a clean and interesting way. There’s a lot in game journalism I just don’t care for (not Gameological, obviously!) but Forbes is impressing me.

      • Effigy_Power

        I guess it fits with Merve playing games, even if he hasn’t really played many of the great titles of the last few years.
        Economists make cheap gamers, I guess.

    • Mookalakai

       Not to dowse the flames of hype for the Witcher 3, but I will definitely wait for some more concrete gameplay and information before I get too excited. Also it probably won’t come out for like, a million years.

    • George_Liquor

      I’d reserve judgment until the game is out, as a shift in tone may breathe a little more life into the series. I haven’t finished Dead Space 2 yet, but it seemed to be devolving into a rote monster closet shooter. I mean, there’s only so many times the lights can go out and still be scary.

  • Fluka

    “the cod series was a very good series i to an extent agree with you”

    This sounds like Roast Beef from Achewood.

    • djsubversive

      I love that “to an extent” that’s just wedged in there.

      • Citric

        The cod series also includes the “liver oil” spinoff.

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

        A game about cod, you say? Behold, CoD of Duty! Shooting fish in a barrel has never been this much fun.

      • Effigy_Power

        Maybe they mean: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Pond
        Incidentally, one of the earliest games I can remember.

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

         Appropos of nothing, I have JUST NOW realized that your icon is not a kneecap + fibula and tibia.

        • djsubversive

          heh. It’s the “Engineer” class icon from ArmA 2, actually, but now that you mention it, I could totally see it being leg bones.

        • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

           LOL that’s what I thought it was too! But now looking closer, I guess it’s a pair of pliers or something.

    • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

      I greatly preferred the haddock series, myself.

      • HobbesMkii

        I liked the baked flounder in bread crumbs with a sprinkle of lemon juice series that was briefly the major fish series until it was replaced by cod and haddock.

        • PaganPoet

          I could go for some Peruvian style ceviche series for lunch today, myself.

        • Chum Joely

          I with lemon juice love that baked flounder and to an extent like also haddock.

        • Effigy_Power

          I can’t make jokes about this. The dreadful siege of Albacore is still too fresh in my memory.

        • HobbesMkii

           @Effigy_Power:disqus I almost made a sardine-Holocaust joke, then thought better of it. But I am posting this to let people know I am a bad person.

        • Effigy_Power

          @HobbesMkii:disqus: Three bad people actually. Get tested!

      • His_Space_Holiness

        Blistering barnacles!

        • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

          Milles sabords! Tonnerre de Brest!

  • Citric

    Madden Dickheads was a change in direction for the series which I really didn’t enjoy very much. The lighter, more arcade-y gameplay had its moments, but some of the imagery was just unpleasant, and I wasn’t fond of the terribly rude announcers.

    • djsubversive

      Have you heard? This year, they’re changing the name to Madden Douchebags. Prepare for a bro-tastrophe.

    • Effigy_Power

      Don’t forget the facebook tie-in with fully functional fake girlfriends currently dying of who-gives-a-fuck for instant inspirado.

  • PaganPoet

    Holy cow, I didn’t realize the new Sly Cooper game was out this week! Yes please! (gay ass fanboy over here!)

    • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

      Every time I post on the internet about how over-rated asses are, some gay ass fanboy has to try and start a fight.

      • PaganPoet

        wtf r u on, wut do u liek, bewbs? those r soooo overrated and gay, go listn 2 justin beebr n kill urself lmafao!!!!1!

        • Citric

          Somewhere, Larry Mafao is quietly crying.

        • Effigy_Power

          Whoa there Liberace.

  • caspiancomic

    Man I thought Dead Space 3 was getting an insane amount of press and publicity until I realized that I was lumping ads for DS3 and Crysis 3 together, due to those games being identical to a disinterested party.

    • PaganPoet

      I’m generally a fan of Dead Space (I dunno why, but space-horror is a genre that usually appeals to me, no matter how idiotic), but I can’t deal with “Crysis” as a title. And that it’s about space marines and it’s not Mass Effect.

      • George_Liquor

         As a game, Crysis is an excellent tech demo.

        • Fluka

          For being such an apparent gold standard of tech and benchmark for when to buy a new gaming PC, the Crysis series seems like such a nonentity.

        • George_Liquor

          Crysis reminds me of the original Unreal. That game was so far ahead of its time from a technical standpoint that nobody could play it at a decent frame rate for years after its release. And yet, it was a pat, boring, generic sci-fi shooter that was ultimately eclipsed by its contemporary, Half-Life.

        • http://www.facebook.com/gareth.hughes.1253 Gareth Hughes

          The Crysis series is OK. That’s probably both the best and worst thing I can say about it. I’ve played through the original, Warhead and 2 and can recall very little about any of them, but I was obviously motivated enough to finish all 3.

        • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

          Can we retire this joke already?

    • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

      …and with your post, I just realized that Crysis 3 and Fray Cry 3 are actually different things.

      • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

        Now I’m wishing there was a ‘Fry Cry 3′ where you work out your inner turmoil in a tumultuous third-world short-order kitchen.

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

          Stay tuned for the “tearjerky” DLC!

      • valondar

         It was only when Far Cry 3 was released and I started reading reviews and opinion pieces attacking the game’s white messiah narrative (because stuff like that is nectar to me) that I learned that Far Cry and Crysis are separate things.

      • Effigy_Power

        The “Pray Cry” DLC will be so emotionally confusing.
        The cover features a picture of Shia LeBeuf crysturbating.

      • Fixda Fernback

        I was more a fan of Cray Cray 3.

      • http://twitter.com/HttpLovecraft Http Lovecraft

        Ah god, Pry Cry 3, the crowbar simulator, was totally classic.  Five crowbars out of five.

        • djsubversive

          Since 3 is a joke just to piss off fans of the series, there should be a remake of the Half-Life series from a crowbar’s perspective. Get on it, Valve.

      • Professor_Cuntburglar

         It’s funny, because I used to get them confused too before I bought Far Cry 2.

    • His_Space_Holiness

      I’ve had the exact same problem with the Far Cry and Just Cause series. I mean, they’re two words, they have islands in them, I’m probably not going to play them… it’s only recently that I realized they’re two different things.

      • djsubversive

        Far Cry 2 is beautiful and terrible at the same time. Visually and technically, it’s pretty impressive. The gameplay is solid, if repetitive. The “story” is laughable at best. You’re basically playing a terrorist, fucking with the natives as much as you can. But there are a lot of really neat little things about it. I can’t speak for the first game in the series, as I only played through part of the console version at a friend’s house.

        Come to think of it, all that applies to Just Cause 2 as well. Even the last one, oddly enough.

        I am not a fan of Far Cry 3. At all. There is no Just Cause 3. Yet.

        • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

          You play a mercenary. You take jobs from two warlords fighting over the region. To some people that’s the same as a terrorist, I suppose.

        • djsubversive

           @twitter-259492037:disqus True enough. I admit that one was a bit of a stretch, but I was trying to make sure that “all these things apply to Just Cause 2″ worked.

      • Fluka

        They are?!?

        • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

           Man… I can’t believe you people. I thought this was a gaming site!

        • http://www.backloggery.com/colliewest Colliewest

          It’s a gaming website where getting Far Space, Dead Cause and Just Cry (1, 2 and sometimes 3) mixed up is permitted.

      • DrKumAndGo

        I had this exact same problem. I spent a couple days being really confused by the reviews for Far Cry 3.

    • ComradePig

       I feel like the Crysis series always gets a weirdly bad rap for just being impressive ‘tech demo’ on top of a generic FPS framework but I feel as though that undersells the strengths of those titles, particularly the first, pretty considerably.

      I wouldn’t go so far as to call them truly ‘innovative’, but the games have consistently encouraged player choice, experimentation and non-linearity in a way that is rare among the current slate of first-person shooters.

      I can understand why people might find them a bit bland purely on account of general FPS fatigue, but there’s clearly a lot of thought that goes into the actual game and campaign design of those titles; doubly so when spoken about in the context of the rest of the genre.

      • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

         I thought the first Crysis was actually pretty great. If they could have made the AI less omniscient, it would have been a truly terrific experience. Wide open environments that give you unparalleled freedom as compared to other FPS titles. Of course, they saw fit to put an end to that in the sequel. Thanks EA.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=579674289 Morgan Filbert

    I always appreciated Bonobo Sly for the Marat/Sade’s Duperret references they worked in.

  • http://twitter.com/tapirman Kyle O’Reilly

    I have a soft-spot for the Dead Space games and I’m as bummed as the next bloke to see that horror was put on the back burner for DS3, but I’m still mildly excited for it.

    The majority of reviews have been positive and it looks like it’s shifted more to the shooting mechanic than the “Holy shit, panic and stomp!” mechanic, which doesn’t bother me that much when I think about how good shooting has always felt in the Dead Space games.  Guns carry a real weight to them and you can’t just aim for the chest.  The variables they introduced sound interesting, as I like the idea of adding damage modifiers and silly little RPG-tweak things like that to my weapons.

    I heard it’s padded out with fetch quests at times, and there are too many human v human shoot outs… but dammit, I can’t NOT support a game that uses Phil Collins in its advertisements!

    • Spacemonkey Mafia

      Dead Space 3 is going to focus on that soft spot with a precision, multi-arc space welder and explode it so it can’t regenerate.

    • GaryX

      Yeah, you can. When it’s a really shitty version of Phil Collins (4 da kidz), you can not support it.

      • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

        Yeah, that cover is just awful.

    • Fluka

      My absolute favorite comment about the Phil Collins trailer:

      “Dead Space: your mom will hate it!  But she might like the soundtrack.”

    • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

      Wait…how is Phil Collins implicated in all this? My first guess is they used “In the Air Tonight” for instant, easy creepiness?

      …aaaaaand YouTube confirms that they did, in fact, go for the obvious choice. However, they did go to the trouble of recording a super-bland, totally generic version that is somewhat less creepy than the original – an act for which I’m not sure whether they’ve earned or lost points.

      • Drew Toal

        I’m wearing my late-era Phil Collins t-shirt next time I’m on the Digest.

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

          Bonus points for doing the detective work to uncover a murderer, sending him free tickets to a taping of The Digest, and exposing his secret online while the Dead Space 3 trailer plays in the background.

        • HobbesMkii

          @paraclete_pizza:disqus There are tickets to tapings of the Digest? I thought it was filmed in front of Teti’s bookcase.

        • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

          @HobbesMkii:disqus: Ahem. Soupy’s bookcase.

        • Effigy_Power

          I am not drawing that. In fact I will replace with with an Enya shirt just to fuck with you, Toal.

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

           @Effigy_Power:disqus : Kind of a total non-sequitir, BUT, I just this morning posted a photo of little me in an Enya shirt with my bro-bro over at the AVClub when stating the case that Amy Poehler could totally play Tina Fey’s sister.

        • Effigy_Power

          @paraclete_pizza:disqus: The littlest Cossack.

      • PaganPoet

        They could’ve used the surprisingly-good Greg Kurstin (of The Bird and The Bee)-penned and Ke$ha-peformed rip-off of the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8yNDz9SuG8

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

          I know a lot of folks shit all over her, and she isn’t someone I’d ever buy an album by or whatever, but I can’t hate on anyone with such an awesome album cover. AND DAT LOGO.

          Also, the song is kind of cool – you can definitely feel the “in the air tonight”-iness of it.

        • PaganPoet

          @paraclete_pizza:disqus In spite of her fake party girl irreverence and the sing-songy rap that gets irritating, I actually genuinely like her. I bought her latest album with no sense of shame (I’m too old to be ashamed of things I like anyway).

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

          Yeah, I remember seeing her performance on SNL and everyone saying what a disaster it was, but I found it had a weird, shaggy county-fair charm or something. She seems like she knows what she’s doing, and even if it’s not OMG TOTALLY GROUNDBREAKING, people who just write her off as the death of pop music or whatever seem to be trying a bit to hard.

        • Effigy_Power

          She looks like she’s sticky and probably smells like crotch.
          Nothankyou.

    • Pandas_please

       I loved the first Dead Space, and liked the second, but I played the demo and couldn’t help but just feel bored. I got a very Michael Bay meets video games feel from it and every sequence just seemed very predictable. Still hope it’s good but my expectations are not high.

    • uselessyss

      Horror is not facing an army of disfigured mutant aliens with legs for faces.

      It’s facing that army with Phil Collins as your only choice of background music.

  • djsubversive

    Engineerin’ all up in here.

    I know “on the horizon” means “in the near future,” but I’d just like to mention ArmA 3, which is supposed to come out “sometime this year”, after “what might be described as an eventful year” (Bohemia Interactive Studios: masters of understatement). Two of the devs were in jail for about 4 months for taking pictures of Greek military installations, but were recently released. It better not be as buggy as ArmA 2, because it looks gorgeous.

    If BIS releases it with an editor as extensive as their previous 3 games had, it might renew my faith in them. I finally hit my limit and gave up on mission-making when I discovered a severe lack of useful information on fixing a pretty major bug (client players in a multiplayer mission don’t have access to their action menu, which is how you interact with pretty much everything, other than shooting at it).

    • Effigy_Power

      We begged him to. His keyboard has bite-marks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-John-Agnello/1362601810 Anthony John Agnello

    I think we can all agree that God Hand is the Rudy of games about punching people in the face. 

    • Spacemonkey Mafia

      And Rudy is the Zaxxon of inspiring underdog sports movies!

  • Pandas_please

    Poor COD it’s the go to trolling game for people that want to make fans of other series angry. 

    • http://twitter.com/Evad_Dalrymp Unexpected Dave

      “CoD? LOL more like LCD! (lowest common denominator)”

      But, yeah, when you’re the most popular game series out there, you’re going to get mocked. “Popular” has become synonymous with “bland and dumb”, regardless of actual merit. That applies to all artistic media these days.

      • Pandas_please

         Pretty much, but I think the whole idea of people intentionally using CoD to make people more angry is interesting. Like trying to get flamed by talking about how bad a series is in the middle of a bunch of fans and then saying how much better CoD is because of the image that CoD fans have, I’m almost sure most of these types of posts are insincere it’s just a weird form of trolling.

    • Citric

      Every medium has its troll entry. Right now in music it’s Bieber, movies it’s The Master if you want to accuse people of being too arty-farty, I’ve lost track of what’s the dumb-dumb movie – Michael Bay movies maybe? 

      It must really suck to be the troll entry, it strikes without warning. 

      • Fluka

        I’m pretty sure the troll entry for film is Twilight at this point.  Books too.

  • Effigy_Power

    I can’t put as much as air into my lungs as I want to groan.

    • valondar

      That line sounds like the most underwhelming sequel to ‘I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream’ imaginable.

      • Effigy_Power

        “I have small lungs and I must sigh.”

      • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

         EA must have market tested it

  • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

    Confession time: I find Carmelita Fox weirdly attractive.

    What’s wrong with me?

    • HobbesMkii

       Here’s some Rule 34 to feed your illness.

      • Professor_Cuntburglar

         Why is there a picture of her and Sly as Centaurs?!

        Better question: Why did I click that link?

        • HobbesMkii

           Could be worse. You could’ve clicked the link from @Effigy_Power:disqus.

    • Effigy_Power
      • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

        Uhhhhhhhh…

        ATTRACTION ERASED.

        • Fluka

          I don’t know what’s going on in this thread…but I’m gonna call the decontamination crew just in case.

        • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

           Yeah, that happens to most guys after they “finish.” You’ll be back.

    • Pandas_please

       Would you say she’s…foxy? Buh-dum-cha.

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

        I would have an hour ago. Now, after what @Effigy_Power:disqus showed me, I’m not so sure.

        • Effigy_Power

          Now it all looks like radioactive seafood someone stepped on.

  • ferrarimanf355

    There’s one big release for me this week. The Twilight Zone table is finally available for the PS3/Vita version of Pinball Arcade. This is going to be so awesome.

  • Ardney

    This week I’m looking forward to getting Fire Emblem: Awakening. Oh, and a 3DS to play it on. That’ll help too.

  • Eco1970

    Why don’t you review some of these games as well as the masses of indy stuff you do for Sawbuck Gamer? It seems like 80% of the weiting on gameological is for indy games. I’m happy to see people making stuff like that bulkfighter in a coma game, but it’s not going to beat my time spent playing New Vegas, is it?

    Gameological sometimes feels like that French beatnik bar Auey sneaks off to in Funny Face.

    • Eco1970

      And dosqus wont let me insert characters on edit, only delete. Iphone.

      Audrey.

    • http://twitter.com/djbeema Reuben

      Which is why I pretty much struggle to come here and read/comment. If this is supposed to be an indie game site, that’s fine, but I thought it was supposed to be a site about all-things-gaming as an offshoot of AVC.

      Every time I come here, most of the posts are about some indie thing I’ve never heard of, so it winds up feeling like this site is some snooty hipster place where only faux-8-bit retro games are cool.

      But then I peek in to the comments and see people are playing the same games as me, and I go “oh okay, maybe I should stick around here.”

    • djsubversive

      Really, what else is out there that beats “time spent in New Vegas”? Not much. Multiple playthroughs of Alpha Protocol, and realizing just how much you DIDN’T find out the last time comes pretty close, though. Like, for example, [REDACTED] to [REDACTED] when you [REDACTED] in [REDACTED].

  • Lord Autumn-Bottom

    Ah, “I bet you’ve never even x,” the cornerstone of any great game-related argument.