Out This Week

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14

Infinite Jest

This week, BioShock gets air-dried, and a couple of Rey Mysterio, Jr. looking guys bust up a Mexican drug operation.

By Drew Toal • March 26, 2013

Out This Week is a roundup of new games that are out this week. These listings don’t constitute an endorsement or a review of any sort. We also don’t pretend that this is an exhaustive list. If there’s a game on the horizon that interests you, share it in the comments.

Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon
Nintendo 3DS—March 24

I like to picture Luigi as being the reclusive Charles Koch to Mario’s more visible David. I’m sure they both own more than a few haunted mansions (thanks, pipefitters union), but Luigi probably enjoys the fact that his only friends are the tortured spirits of the damned.

BioShock Infinite
PC, PlayStation 3, Xbox 360—March 26

Sometimes in these internet pages, I let my cynicism get the best of me. No, no, it’s true. When you see a game repackaged and regurgitated for the umpteenth time, it wears on one’s soul. But I’m going to go out on a limb here. The latest BioShock game, which takes place high above the clouds instead of deep beneath the ocean, looks fairly promising. You’re shocked at my use of such an extreme, definitive adjective? That’s what conviction smells like.

Army Of Two: The Devil’s Cartel
PlayStation 3, Xbox 360—March 26

If I were taking on a Mexican drug cartel known as La Guadaña (or, in layman’s terms, “The Scythe”), I’d probably be rolling deeper than two. The more the merrier, I always say. I don’t even really like to dine alone. Oh, it’s fine sometimes, like if you’re going to the diner with a newspaper and just want to mainline bad coffee for an hour or so, but it’s really meant to be a more social thing. Hey, there’s an idea. Rather than kicking the door down and shooting up the place, maybe this two-man luchador army could approach La Guadaña bearing the Burrito Of Peace® and try talking out their differences over a nice meal without someone getting decapitated. It’s like the old adage: “Make guacamole, not brutal drug war.”

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 14
PlayStation 3, Xbox 360—March 26

2014 promises to be another roller coaster of a year for Tiger, with biweekly stories on ESPN explaining why he’s “back” or he “isn’t back.” Is he back? He’s back. You remember last month when we said he was back and he wasn’t really back? He’s back from that premature backedness. He’s definitely back, for now. Golf sure is boring.

Share this with your friends and enemies

Write a scintillating comment

36 Responses to “Infinite Jest”

  1. Logoboros says:

    I really enjoyed the Tiger Wood’s PGA games on the Wii (which really is the most natural platform for them), and, of course, they no longer make them for the Wii. Which is a real shame because I thought the 2012 edition (which was the one that downplayed the TW connection as much as possible) had just about ironed out most of the little annoyances, and with one more iteration they might have gotten it just about perfect.

    • Naked Man Holding A Fudgesicle says:

      The best thing about the Tiger Woods PGA Tour games on the Wii were the spectacular cheat codes. I’ll never look at those Wii nunchuks the same way again.

  2. DrFlimFlam says:

    First launch game since Assassin’s Creed for me in BioShock Infinite.

    Whenever Microsoft Store ships it, anyway. Buyer beware there. No shipment notification yet. This is my price for a free 1600 MS Points with pre-order.

    • Mercenary_Security_number_4 says:

       That’s cool.  I had no idea Microsoft Store did that.  I have a rule of never paying more than $40 for a game (they all hit that point soon enough), but maybe I can bend that rule if I tell myself I’m really getting $20 back.

      • DrFlimFlam says:

        I usually don’t break $20 (just got LEGO LOTR from Amazon now that it’s at that price point), but I want to be playing BioShock Infinite on my birthday, and this pays for the “Season Pass” to boot, so I figured I’d go for it.

    • GaryX says:

      Got it from Amazon. First time I’ve day one purchased a game in years.

      As soon as it got here in the office, I opened it and swapped that cover around.

      • DrFlimFlam says:

        I like when games ship with alternate covers. I can get Jenny McCarthy’s bullshit face off of my Command & Conquer 3 Red Alert that way.

  3. duwease says:


    Sorry, I wanted to see if having my role next to me in huge letters was as gratifying as it looks in the video.  It’s not, but then again the letters are still about 2,048 font sizes too small.

  4. Nothing to play this week.  What a shame.  Guess I’ll just keep messing with sandbox mode in Incredipede.

    What’s that?  A Gilded Age First-Person Shooter about American Exceptionalism featuring wacky ass left arm powers, and a dash of FUCKING TIME TRAVEL!?!?!

    I’ll be in my bunk.

    • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

      Just keep the curtains closed if you’re taking your “Boss Tweed” to “Tammany Hall”.

  5. ItsTheShadsy says:

    Wait really, Army of Two? I thought they had just announced it or it was a rumor or something. That came out of goddamn nowhere (and I suspect there’s a reason for that).

    • DrFlimFlam says:

      As I understand it, the games aren’t terrible – they just fly under the radar, like so many extraction agents flying a chopper under the Golden Gate bridge to Alcatraz, where old British secret agent man John Patrick Mason must resolve a hostage situation even though he’s god nerdy Stanley Goodspeed around faux-swearing and being terrible at stealth.

  6. Effigy_Power says:

    I recommend that you take a look at “Warframe” for either new games or Sawbuck Gamer, which just hit Steam 2 days ago. It seems woefully forgotten (and released in a somewhat unfortunate time period, with all the AAA news) and deserves some coverage.

    • djsubversive says:

      I have a longer and more “hey this is fun you should play it”-filled description of Warframe further down the page. 

      Get it. It’s fun.

    • The_Helmaroc_King says:

      Can’t say I plan on joining any Free to Play games, but when watching the trailer I thought that it reminded me of Dark Sector. I was pleasantly surprised when I checked and it looks like they’re both by the same developers.

      • Effigy_Power says:

        From what I read this is the look Dark Sector was supposed to have before the distributor got their greasy mitts on it and ‘normalized’ the thing to make money.

    • Chalkdust says:

       Has Sawbuck ever been used for the larger-scope F2P games?  I’ve only seen it on browser and mobile games (though admittedly, I have not gone through the whole backlog since coming here).

      On the one hand, yeah, free game so why not Sawbuck, but on the other, microtransactional F2P stuff seems like ripe territory for its own dedicated feature.

      • djsubversive says:

        I like that idea. Since F2P seems to be a pretty popular model nowadays, even just an occasional (every month or couple of months) “here’s what’s available for free-2-play games these days” article would be nice. It could also cover non-subscription based games.

  7. caspiancomic says:

    Oh geez, when I first looked at that still from the Tiger Woods video, I thought they meant “golfer” as in like, “more golf.” PGA Tour 14 is golfer than PGA Tour 13 ever was! Sometimes I worry about myself.

    • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

      Urban Dictionary
      1.  Golfer n.

        A man, typically white Anglo-Saxon protestant, who has emerged from a middle-to-upper-middle income into great success through his skill at golf.

      Shit, son!  You look Golfer in that Green Masters jacket!”

      • Effigy_Power says:

        I golf in short shorts and a very stylish plaid shirt, so I definitely look nothing like a…
        I am a WASP… my catholic parents are not going to be happy.

    • Joel of Arc says:

      These games become way golfer whenever you select POWER DRIVE.

      • Naked Man Holding A Fudgesicle says:

        Ball is in…parking lot. Would you like to play again? You have selected, “No.”

  8. djsubversive says:

    Hey, everyone! @Effigy_Power:disqus  and I discovered a pretty sweet game last night! It’s called Warframe, and it’s a free co-op third-person shooter with space ninjas. The levels are all semi-random (“tile sets” similar to Diablo for the room layouts, and each level is made of a bunch of connected rooms), and there’s a lot of stuff to upgrade and unlock.

    It’s free-to-play, which here means there’s pay-to-avoid-grind and pay-to-look-cool. The prices seem a little high, maybe, but the game is still in open beta, so maybe that’s still being worked on. Or maybe I just need to get a little more familiar with things, and it won’t seem so bad. One nice thing is that they start new players with 50 platinum (their real-money-currency), which isn’t enough to really get new weapons or anything. But there are a few things I could have gotten (I didn’t because I have no clue what they do or how I use them).

    Still, my first impression from last night is still pretty much accurate: “FUCK YEAH.” You can do sweet John-Woo-style slides and leaps while shooting guys with an automatic rifle or a pistol (or TWO pistols, but that’s an unlockable thing), then slice dudes up with a sword. With up to 3 other people!

    It’s fun, it looks cool and unique, it’s co-op, and it’s free! You should all get it and join Eff and me for space-ninja shooty-and-slashy fun times. We’ve already got one person sucked in, but it was late so we didn’t actually play last night. :)

    • Enkidum says:

      Woah, I came like three times reading that. Must download.

      • djsubversive says:

        It’s tough to get cool screenshots mid-action, but I managed to get this, which is me reloading my pistol while sliding past a guy.

        • Enkidum says:

          That dude’s pants are weird.

        • djsubversive says:

          @Enkidum:disqus I think those are supposed to be other warframe suits, just not as awesome as the ones we get. Those dudes are like basic military grunts or clones or something. You’re right, though: his pants are weird.

    • Kevin Sorbo as Hercules says:

      I love this game.  I played it for like a month before Update 7 and it was fun.  I enjoyed the grinding that’s required to get new warframes and weapons.  But then Update 7 happened and it went from good to great.  Fortunately I was able to get my Rhino warframe before the update because it seems a lot harder now but I really really like it.

      I haven’t spent any money yet but I’m considering dropping $20 on it because I really want to support them so they will keep updating.  Which is weird because normally I don’t give a shit about the future of a game.

  9. beema says:

    Uff I want to play Bioshock so bad. I’ve never seen such across the board great reviews for something.

  10. Naked Man Holding A Fudgesicle says:

    Drew, you title the article ‘Infinite Jest’ and yet there is no mention of the long awaited “Eschaton WiiU”, nor that Hamlet-themed brawler I’ve also been waiting eons for.