Out This Week


Crime & Punishment

In this week’s new releases, superheroes are no better than assassins, imperialists, and mobsters.

By Drew Toal • April 16, 2013

Out This Week is a roundup of new games that are out this week. These listings don’t constitute an endorsement or a review of any sort. We also don’t pretend that this is an exhaustive list. If there’s a game on the horizon that interests you, share it in the comments.

Dishonored: The Knife Of Dunwall
PC, PS3, Xbox 360—April 16

The first bit of major Dishonored downloadable content puts the player in control of Daud, the masked regicidal assassin responsible for sullying your character Corvo’s honor in the first place. I think we can all agree that this game could’ve really been improved with the introduction of a dueling glove. Rather than constantly sneaking up on unwary sentries and stabbing them in the neck, Corvo or this Knife person could smack them across the face first and settle the matter as gentlemen.

Star Wars: The Old Republic—Rise Of The Hutt Cartel
PC—April 14

The Hutts are the predominant organized crime syndicate in the Star Wars universe. Space numbers, space racketeering, space smuggling—you name the space law, and the Hutts have broken it (in space). I was hoping, though, that this add-on would be written by Sopranos writer David Chase, and would feature a scene with one of Jabba’s violent ilk seeking psychiatric help.

Dr. Space Melfi: “And how does that make you feel?”

Hutt Crime Lord: “Doompa.”

Melfi: “Interesting. And your dreams?”

Hutt: “E chu ta.”

Melfi: “Your hostility indicates that you again had the dream of me in a slave collar and a gold bikini. You did, didn’t you?”

The Hutt farts, the couch breaks under his weight, and he starts sobbing uncontrollably.

Fade to black.

Injustice: Gods Among Us
PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Wii U—April 16

What if superheroes weren’t so super nice? In Injustice: Gods Among Us, Joker tricks Superman into killing Lois and their unborn child, and an unhinged Man Of Steel goes rogue, resulting in two armed camps of former allies struggling for supremacy. It’s bad, but things could’ve been worse. Just imagine the devastation if instead of Superman, it was Aquaman, King Of The Seven Seas, who lost Aqualad and his trusty pet walrus, Tusky? Beard or no beard, his vengeance would be swift, damp, and terrible.

Victoria II: Heart Of Darkness
PC—April 16

I could listen to this Teutonic-sounding guy sitting in front of the fake Masterpiece Theatre bookshelf talk about imperialist colonial expansion all day.

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