Sawbuck Gamer

Planet Punch

Star Wars

One nasty star goes on a cosmic bullying binge in Planet Punch.

By Matt Gerardi • April 24, 2013

Sawbuck Gamer is our daily review of a free or cheap game ($10 or less).

In what is perhaps the cosmos’ greatest irony, Earth’s death is all but guaranteed to come at the hands of its own Sun. In five billion years, the Sun will reach retirement age and really let itself go, ballooning to 250 times its current size and gorging on Mercury, Venus, and possibly Earth. But don’t worry, the Sun’s getting hotter at such a rate that all water, and subsequently life, will be gone well before that ever happens.

The anti-hero of Planet Punch, an inexplicably mean blue star who goes around beating up everything else in outer space, might be the only stellar force that can alter the Sun’s destructive life path. It doesn’t mean to save Earth from doom, though. Instead, the blue star uses our planet and the rest of its Solar System brethren as fists, each with its own unique punching properties. As this horrible bully of a star, you make your way through a series of nebulae, using Mercury to light satellites on fire and Jupiter to dish out a wallop that sends space dolphins flying. After a handful of levels in which you massacre the inhabitants of an unassuming space neighborhood and beat up stars that just want to be buds, you’ll face a boss that represents the last hope of the local citizens. Crush that, and you’ve successfully wiped an entire nebula of its people!

Planet Punch is saved from monotony by a changing tide of enemies that forces you to adopt new tactics every few levels. It’s also fun to experiment with combinations of your diverse planetary fist arsenal. And hey, when the alternative is waiting to be consumed by a bloated red giant, hitchhiking a ride with a galactic rabble-rouser doesn’t seem so bad. It’s a living.

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2 Responses to “Star Wars”

  1. Enkidum says:

    Speaking of the heat death of the universe (and my tendency to exaggerate, and poker)…¬†