Sawbuck Gamer

Rockpocalypse

Worlds Collide

In Rockpocalypse, The Rock meets Dwayne Johnson, and it gets ugly.

By Matt Kodner • April 25, 2013

Sawbuck Gamer is our daily review of a free or cheap game ($10 or less).

The Rock and Dwayne Johnson are two very different entities. In the WWE Universe, The Rock is a self-obsessed professional man-puncher who talks in the third person. In Hollywood, Dwayne Johnson produces movies based on the drawing of a teddy bear he saw on the internet. WWE Presents: Rockpocalypse seeks to marry these two personas in a free-to-play fighting game along the lines of Infinity Blade. It fails.

Crew members go crazy and attack civilians on the set of Dwayne Johnson’s latest movie. Johnson hears the news and immediately Rocks Out (you can have that one free of charge, Dwayne). He challenges these crazed workers to sludgy combat across sprawling barren locations such as Lot 25-1, Lot 26-3, and even Lot 27-2. Combat boils down to swiping your finger to punch and tapping to dodge. Your thuggish opponents offer little resistance. Equipping The Rock with a two-by-four added a bit of novelty, but nothing can overcome just how boring this game is. In the span of two days, I won 12 of 54 indistinguishable bouts. If there is an ending to this hellacious game or some sort of revelation as to why the Teamsters revolted, I won’t ever know, and I have no desire to find out.

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18 Responses to “Worlds Collide”

  1. Effigy_Power says:

    So much potential for psychological introspection, so much muscly man boob and beating each other in the face instead.

    • Girard says:

      0/5 stars
      For a game that so prominently offers the opportunity to “Rock out,” this game offers disappointingly few (read: NO) opportunities to do so with one’s cock out.

      [It’s times like this I wish I actually could access the App store and post reviews]

  2. O Superman says:

    So he’s a union buster?

    • SamPlays says:

      Cracking the skulls of union members is clearly prohibited in their collective agreement. The sequel to this clobberfest should be an arbitration simulator in the vein of Phoenix Wright. Vin Diesel can be the mediator!

  3. stakkalee says:

    Well the screenshots show an amazing variety of weapons – we have a baseball bat, a 2×4, and a lead pipe!  You do have the opportunity to use the Rock’s “special moves”, so there’s a good chance we’ll get to see The People’s Elbow, but I’m betting no cameo from Mr. Socko.  Man, I miss the Rock & Sock Connection…

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      Someday we’ll find it
      The Rock & Sock Connection
      The Clubbers,
      The Beaters,
      And me

  4. Aurora Boreanaz says:

    Too bad…this could have really given Injustice a run for its money if they’d included The Rock as Clark Kent / Supe R. Mann from SNL.

    Now that I think of it, a fighting game featuring only characters The Rock has played could be fun.

    The Scorpion King vs. Mr. Peepers’ father!
    Nicotrel vs. The Champion from Star Trek Voyager episode Tsunkatse!

    • Matt Kodner says:

      I would pay any amount of money to play a Super Smash Bros.-styled game starring the many faces of Dwayne. 

      I’m practically salivating at the thought of an Attitude Era Rock pummeling The Tooth Fairy while Fast Five‘s favela-smashing FBI agent shoots whatever Rocky was in Race To Witch Mountain as his two wards watch from the sidelines. 

      • Aurora Boreanaz says:

        Any amount of money, eh?  *starts Kickstarter with $500,000 goal*

        Pay up, and I’ll make one for you!

        • dreadguacamole says:

           hey, The Rock’s got integrity -it’s not as if he would take up shitty projects if you paid him enough money…

    • WarrenPeace says:

      Myself, I would like to see The Rock Obama vs. Samoan Alone.

  5. ferrarimanf355 says:

    IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THIS GAME SUCKS!

    Want some pie?

  6. JokersNuts says:

    Dang I thought it would be game taking all the various Rock personas over the years and having them fight it out in a big free for all. That’d be cool. Oh yeah, and roody-poo candyass, jabroni, lay the smackdown. Ugh feels good to get that off my chest.

    • Grimbus says:

      He does, at various intervals say things such as:

      “Good thing I”m wearing my boots. My boots-to-asses boots!”

      Even so, the game is crummy. There are a TON of wardrobe options, though, for purchase with in-game currency.