The Bulletin

The Bureau

Slice Of Life

You can now order pizza from your video game machine. There’s also other news that doesn’t matter nearly as much.

By Sam Barsanti • April 29, 2013

The Bulletin is a roundup of a few game-related news stories from the previous week.

Huge mega-shocker: Microsoft is making a new Xbox
Xbox teaser

It looks like Microsoft finally realized that Sony announced a new PlayStation back in February, as the small computer software developer has officially declared that it is working on a new Xbox. Of course, this is the video game industry we’re dealing with, so Microsoft didn’t actually say anything other than that they’ll say something in the future—May 21, to be exact. On that day, the company plans to hold a “special press event” to “mark the beginning of a new generation of games, TV, and entertainment.” In other words, all we’ve got is empty marketing speak for now (and probably for later). The sort-of-announcement comes via Xbox Live’s human avatar, Larry “Major Nelson” Hyrb, who posted about the event on his blog, along with a handy countdown clock that you can camp out in front of. You’ll be able to stream the event on Xbox Live and, or you can watch it on Spike TV if you don’t have enough Axe Body Spray and Ultimate Fighting in your life.

Details are scant at this point, but Kotaku was kind enough to sift through all of the rumors and wild speculation to compile a list of what they do and do not know about the next Xbox. Some highlights from the safe bets: It will probably use Kinect, the controller will probably look the same (or similar), and it’ll have fancier insides. Thrilling, right? Well, one of the most persistent rumors is that it will also suck out your brain and use it to turn a spastic supervillain into a mad genius, but that might just be the plot of Batman Forever. Either way, we’ll find out on May 21.

Xbox Live and Pizza Hut team up to kill America
Pizza Hut Xbox app

Speaking of Microsoft, it launched a new Pizza Hut app on Xbox Live last week that you can use to order food from your Xbox. As reported by Polygon, the app features Pizza Hut’s entire menu and can be paired with Facebook so you can tell your friends about the ridiculous thing you’ve done. On the one hand, this is really no different from ordering pizza with your computer, and it is cool in a “wow, the future!” way to use Kinect and summon crappy food to your door by waving your arms around. On the other hand, there’s something terrifying about the idea of playing Call Of Duty for eight hours and then ordering a P’Zone without even putting your controller down. Is this how people felt when the internet or phones were invented? “Why do you need to call when you can just send a telegram to the Pizza hut?” Because I want my P’Zolo now, Grandpa!

XCOM shooter returns from the land of wind and ghosts

Well, that was fast. Last week, I reported that all traces of 2K’s planned XCOM shooter had been scrubbed from the internet, possibly so that it could be rebranded as something other than an XCOM game. It turns out the opposite is true. As reported by Rock Paper Shotgun, the game is now The Bureau: XCOM Declassified, a third-person shooter. The Bureau is being developed by 2K Marin—the BioShock 2 people—and it retains the 1960s setting from the earlier trailers as well as the stylish suits that the agents wear while they blast aliens. The big difference is that now it’s going to play a little bit more like what people expect from the real-time strategy series. This is certainly good news for fans of XCOM: Enemy Unknown, but what about first-person shooter players? Why won’t anyone make games for them anymore? Sure, the existence of yet another Call Of Duty leaked last week, but is this enough? Is it ever enough? The Bureau will be available for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and PC on August 20. Finally, we can put an end to this multi-year saga.

Nintendo realizes that nobody is buying the Wii U

In a recent financial briefing, Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata busted out best Gob Bluth impression and announced that the company had made a huge mistake when it came to its latest console, the Wii U. He explained that the system had built up a fair amount of sales over the holidays but hadn’t been able to maintain a foothold as the year progressed. His reasoning for this drop off? That Nintendo has “not been able to solidly communicate the product value of Wii U.” In other words, people don’t know why they should buy it, so they’re not buying it. I’m not the CEO of an extremely successful video game company, but I think giving someone a reason to buy your expensive new thing should be the first priority when releasing an expensive new thing. Iwata even mentions that some consumers incorrectly believe that the Wii U is just an add-on for their existing Wii, a misconception probably fueled by the time Jimmy Fallon said almost that exact thing on his Late Night show. He also lamented that the system still doesn’t have a game like Wii Sports that instantly teaches you why it’s fun and worth buying. Again, I’m not a rich and handsome video game CEO, but…maybe I should be? I have to believe I would’ve seen these problems coming.

Also in that financial briefing, Nintendo announced that it would be skipping its traditional press conference during June’s Electronic Entertainment Expo (or “E3” to its friends). Instead, it will be holding smaller, more focused events and online broadcasts (like the “Nintendo Direct” series that recently featured the Link To The Past 2 reveal). The big three console makers traditionally hold events early in E3 week where they announce all of the big stuff they’ll be doing that year, but Nintendo acknowledges that it is “not planning to launch new hardware,” so it seems like the House Of Mario is trying to avoid being overshadowed by PlayStation 4 and whatever Microsoft calls the next Xbox. Of course, this is the company once saw fit to reveal the Wii Vitality Sensor during its E3 keynote, so who knows what Nintendo is ever thinking.

Ratchet And Clank: The Movie is a thing that may soon exist

Once again proving that Hollywood will never run out of ideas, assuming those ideas consist entirely of video games and comic books to adapt, Rainmaker Entertainment (the studio behind Escape From Planet Earth) has announced that it will be producing a movie version of Ratchet And Clank. As reported by Variety, the movie is set for release in 2015 and will try to maintain the games’ level of humor (but probably not the cheeky sex pun titles). The studio also plans to retain many of the same voice actors as the game.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re going to make a marathon of it and see this with the World Of Warcraft movie, Paul W.S. Anderson’s Castlevania movie, and the Need For Speed movie with Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul. Unlike those, which will never come out (okay, Need For Speed might), Ratchet And Clank already has a teaser trailer. I guess this means that maybe it will? I just hope they manage to resurrect Dennis Hopper and get him to play the villain. He did such a good job the last time someone tried that. Casting him as the bad guy in a video game movie, I mean. Not resurrecting him.

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94 Responses to “Slice Of Life”

  1. The_Helmaroc_King says:

    Hot damn, I’m looking more and more forward to that XCOM shooter now. Bioshock 2 may be the odd one out in the Bioshock series, but it had some solid design. Digging the sixties vibe, too, but maybe I’m just a fan of waistcoats.

    • Sam_Barsanti says:

      I like the Little Sister bit in ‘Shock 2, but everything else just seemed like a desperate attempt to recreate the first game. I thought it was really blegh in general. The Bureau looks rad, though.

    • DrFlimFlam says:

      2K Marin definitely proved they know what they’re doing. The vision wasn’t BioShock, but the gameplay was rock solid.

    • Hermetic_Zeal says:

      Not trolling here, but I loved Bioshock 2.  No disrespect to 1 and Infinite – I liked those, too.  XCOM will definitely be worth a glance.

    • Merve says:

      I’ll wait until I see a couple of gameplay trailers before passing judgment, but from the few screenshots that have been released, I can say that I’m really digging the aesthetic. Plus who doesn’t want to blast aliens while wearing a jaunty hat?

  2. PugsMalone says:

    Haven’t people been able to order pizza through World of Warcraft for years?

  3. SamPlays says:

    Say what you will but I’d probably watch Aaron Paul in a Need For Speed movie… provided it’s actually Jesse Pinkman driving his ’84 Tercel. 

    “Where’s the turbo, bitch?”

  4. Xtracurlyfries says:

    Unless that Pizza Hut app can open the door, pay the guy then bring me the pizza, it all seems like way too much effort. I’ve got Cheetos right here, forchrissake.

  5. His_Space_Holiness says:

    Put me in the “cautiously optimistic” category for a Ratchet & Clank movie. On the one hand, video game-based movies have maybe the worst record imaginable, but animation seems like a medium that could avoid a lot of the biggest problems of adapting something like this. Then again, it might just end up feeling like watching a 90-minute cutscene. But this series’s cutscenes are reliably amusing, so… yeah, “cautiously optimistic” is the way to go here, I’d say.

    • Chalkdust says:

      It looks like it’s being written by one of the Insomniac guys (TJ Fixman), which fills me with further cautious optimism. Now if they can just confirm if David Bergeaud will be scoring it or not…

      I chuckled through the teaser at least, so… so far so good!

    • Dikachu says:

      I have a feeling it will be at least decent… other than the last two games, which I feel were missteps (the 4-player one was alright but the camera controls were asinine, and the base-defense one was far too one-dimensional), they’ve got a fantastic track record for making the characters and storylines really enjoyable.  Hell, Crack in Time pretty much had a full movie in it.  The only question in my mind is, will it tank?  Just because a movie’s good doesn’t mean people will necessarily go to see it.

      I do fear that they’re losing focus on what made the franchise so great, though: the main-series games.  Crack in Time was only a few flaws from being the best platformer game I’ve ever played, and another game like that, that fixes the problems, would have been far more welcome.

      • SamPlays says:

        Honestly, I think they need to retire this franchise. I’ve been with the series since the first PS2 game but playing through A Crack in Time felt rote to me. It’s an odd feeling because each new game looks and plays better than the last one. I can’t criticize the games for their technical presentation but the game play, stories and characters feel dried up at this point. I’m sure if everything was unfamiliar I would love the PS3 games more than I do but I felt burned out after Tools of Destruction. 

        • Dikachu says:

          I don’t see a reason to retire the franchise when it’s still doing so well.  But I do agree they need to work on differentiating it somewhat.  R&C2 was the best one to me, simply because it felt so expansive and had so much to do, and they’ve regressed on a lot of that cool stuff.

          For me, they should take a chance on doing a few huge-world levels and spend more time on extending the gameplay for people who actually want to wander and do side-stuff.  Crack in Time was great, but it was kind of short and linear, and really only had one major new thing: the spaceflight between planets and moons.  THAT was a fucking great addition and I wish they’d do more with it in the future.

        • SamPlays says:

          I’m 100% with you on Going Commando. One of the best sequels ever. I also agree about the general lack of exploration that seemed kind of essential to the first few games. However, I’m not sure going back to old tropes will revive the series for me. Insomniac are very good at what they do – might be nice to see some new IPs from them beyond Ratchet and Resistance.

    • I wish there were a solid explanation as to why theatrical video game movies are so frequently awful, but every movie has committed its own sins. To date, the most critically successful (43% on Rotten Tomatoes) is “Final Fantasy: Spirits Within.”

      There have been some decent ones released directly to video, though. “Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva” springs to mind, which is essentially a 90-minute cut-scene.  

      • Dikachu says:

        I think it’s because they’re usually handed over to directors that have no idea what makes games good… games and movies are very different creatures.  Comic books make the transition to movies a lot easier because they’re similar-sized bits of entertainment.  A game takes a LOT longer to tell a story.

        • Chalkdust says:

           This is why I wish somebody would take a chance and go the Game of Thrones route with their video game adaptation.  Mass Effect, this fall on HBO.

          Or, you know, whatever else.

        • I think the main problem is that they’re handed to directors who have no idea how to make good movies. 

          In the 90s, they were mostly campy crap. In the last few years, they’ve mostly become bland action movies. 

          Video game movies need their Richard Donner or Tim Burton or Sam Raimi.

      • WarrenPeace says:

        I’m still excited to see Takashi Miike’s live-action Phoenix Wright movie. That totally sounds like something that isn’t real, but it totally is. 

        • rvb1023 says:

           @WarrenPeace325:disqus Any ETA on when that’s supposed to get localized or subbed? I have been waiting over a year for it’s American release with no word.

          Because I want to see it. Bad.

        • Simon Jones says:

          I saw it at a film festival a while back. It’s a lot of fun.

          It’s also absurdly long.

    • It seems to me R&C started to lose its way right after they started over-using Nefarious (he’s in like 6 games!) when they have a large set of characters and worlds to work with (what ever happened to Angela?). So I’m glad that the early word is that they’re going back to Drek.

      I loved Crack in Time as well, but I wasn’t too big on Clank as a robotic Time Lord – I liked the idea of a diminutive figure from a robot planet who is kinda trying to live up to his robot-mom (from the first game). If they wanted to develop him, I think Insomniac should have gone back to that and explore it more.

      FULL DISCLOSURE: During my fanboy/unemployment days, I actually wrote a full-length, fan fiction R&C movie script that bridged the gap between the PS2 games and the PS3 ones.

      • Dikachu says:

        Yeah, but Nefarious was so goddamn great in Crack in Time.  To me it was a perfect comeback.

        Where they seriously dropped the ball, though, was making him a playable character in All 4 One.  What the fuck???  His death at the end of Crack in Time was so great, and then suddenly he’s just, like, back?  Really fucking bad storytelling, though I guess they figured he’d make a good character for the game and they didn’t really have a fourth main character to rely on.

  6. The_Helmaroc_King says:

    I think I may have to sit out the console wars this coming generation. As much as I’d like to own every game ever, I just don’t have the time, and my money would be better spent on just about anything else.

    Luckily, I have a decent PC now, so I should be able to keep up with most new releases even if I don’t buckle and buy a console, but you’ll have to pry my controller from my cold, dead hands.

    As a consolation, I look forward to the scathing follow-up by Teti!

    • DrFlimFlam says:

      I’m thinking along the same lines. Who has the time for this stuff anymore? I have ten games I need to beat on my Xbox, and whenever THAT gets done (optimistic target – 2015), I’ll need a new computer, and unless that market has collapsed for gaming (it won’t), that seems like a better use of my money.

    • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

         For the past two generations of consoles, I’ve sworn I was done and out of the game, only to buckle and fold at the first sighting of an Oblivion screenshot.
         But I’m really not feeling it this time.  I’ve seen nothing to fire any of neurons that have been so susceptible to upgraded tech in the past.  I guess as you get older, you become more immune to the incremental growth of console generations.
         But like you, I have the leisure of a fairly competent gaming rig, so that more than anything may be affecting my console ennui.    

      • PaganPoet says:

        I’m always a late adopter. I’m not one to shell out big bucks for a new system only to have a cheaper and better version of it released a year later.

        It’s also the same reason I almost never buy a game at launch price.

        • duwease says:

          Ditto, yet I somehow find myself crawling the comment sections of current release discussions on this very site…

        • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

          My current philosophy on console ownership is to abstain until lil’ Spacemonkey asks for one.  Assuming she ever has interest in video games.
             But she’s also the unintentional reason for why I never buy a game at launch price.

        • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

          @duwease:disqus   Any longer, the discussion around games is the only reason I still long for buying them new.  I love the conversation around games and it’s not as fun coming back eighteen months later, trying to drum up the same interest on a title.

      • The_Helmaroc_King says:

        I’m not even sure how competent my gaming rig is! It’s less than two years old, but XCOM: Enemy Unknown ran pretty sluggishly for a time. I think there was an issue with my graphics card because the game ran fine after a driver update, but that was a while ago so I’m not sure. I hope it’s righted itself by the time I pick it up again, though.

    • SamPlays says:

      It seems the only people who get caught up ion the console “wars” are critics and kids. The closest I ever got to console war was when Sega and Nintendo were at each other’s market share:

      I’m really into video games but they don’t define my identity and I have no motivation to “keep up” with current trends. I bought PS2 for it’s above-average DVD-player and PS3 for it’s above-average BD-player – being able to access a library of stellar games almost seems secondary at times. While I’m waiting for the next big thing to prove itself in the marketplace, maybe I’ll catch up on reading those Cormac McCarthy novels sitting on my shelf.

    • Girard says:

      That’s been my sentiment going into pretty much every generation since the first 3D generation. Usually, eventually there’s something that’ll push me to take the plunge a few years into a gen, but, like you, this is my first time having a legitimate game-playing PC, so I may not have any need to invest, barring some amazing and inescapable first-party thing from Nintendo or something.

    • I’m curious as to what this stage of the console wars will bring. As of now, we haven’t seen much to distinguish PS4 and the neXtBox. Neither system has a head start. Third party publishers like EA and Activision will be hesitant to release exclusive titles.

      • Chalkdust says:

         Well, there is the flat-out confirmation from Sony that you can play used games on the PS4 versus the dogged rumors that this will be impossible on XBox Infinity (or whatever it’s called).

    • neodocT says:

      I also have zero incentives to get a next generation console at this moment. I still have a good amount of time to play, but most of the stuff I buy I put off finishing (or even playing!) for a long time.

      I may eventually buy a next-gen console a few years down the line, but for now, I’m happy with the consoles I have and my PC.

      Not to mention that these new consoles seem to suck. “It’s a PS3, but now you can share stuff! Aren’t you excited? Share your excitement with us!”

    • Jackbert says:

      I might like to get the PS4, because last generation was my first generation of gaming. After that, I don’t know. Hardware-wise, I think we’re reaching a point of diminishing returns. I don’t really care about even more uncanny valley graphics, or even huger boring worlds. If next generation just improves the two aspects above, I probably won’t have an interest in the PS5/X-Box 1080/Super Nintendo Wii System Entertainment U.

    • Dikachu says:

      I’ve always just had one of each console generation, and for the last couple it’s been Playstations (2 and 3).  I will probably wind up with a PS4 eventually, because there will undoubtedly be a Ratchet or Jak or Sly Cooper game that I’ll want to play.  But it won’t be until those are released, since, unlike my PS2 and PS3, it wasn’t ALSO giving me a new movie medium to upgrade to (DVD, BluRay). 

      PS2 was more than just a faster PS1, it did new stuff.  PS3 was the same re: PS2.  But it doesn’t look like PS4 or XBox 3 will be anything more than faster versions of their older self (with the exception of not being able to play any of their old games, thank you SO much, Sony).

    • caspiancomic says:

       Not surprisingly, I feel the same as pretty much everybody else on this topic. Let the release dates come and go, let the door crashers do their thing, I’ll probably scoop up a PS4 Slim in four or five years’ time. I’ve always dragged my feet when it came to upgrading hardware (hell, I still use my old flip-phone I had in high school), and for the last several generations there hasn’t really been a killer app that led me to drop everything and buy a multiple hundred dollar piece of consumer electronics. At this point, I don’t even know what game could possibly be announced that would cause that kind of immediate excitement in me. Suikoden VI, probably? III is the only reason I bought a PS2 when I did.


      I plan on getting a PS4 at some point, but that’s about it, I’ve left the consoles for the greener pastures of PC 

    • Simon Jones says:

       My position is similar. Except I have money and can buy all the expensive toys I want. So I’ll just get both.

  7. duwease says:

    This also happened:

    The maker of Game Dev Tycoon released a “warez” version onto torrent sites modified so that it becomes increasingly unwinnable due to pirating as you get into the game proper.  Frustrated forum posts from irony-blind pirates asking for strategy advice ensue.

    • DrFlimFlam says:

       That is so good.

    • stakkalee says:

      Oh man that’s just delicious.  I especially appreciated the pirate who was hoping for the ability to research some sort of DRM to prevent his games from being pirated.  This reminds me of when Madonna released the album American Life and seeded some of the file-sharing sites like Napster and KaZaA with decoy copies of the album songs – the decoys were just recordings of Madonna saying “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”  Greenheart’s response is more clever and has that whole ‘poetic justice’ thing going on, too.

    • Fluka says:

      Similar example.  Not as poetically just, but perhaps a touch more brutal in its giant-pink-immortal-scorpianiness.

    • Jackbert says:

      They had an anti-piracy measure like that in Devil Survivor 2.   The first boss, Dubhe, is invincible when your game is pirated. He also looks like an enormous rainbow ice cream cone.

      • duwease says:

        I didn’t even realize DS piracy was a big thing.  I guess it does have a huge install base, and the hardware is simple enough, so it makes sense.

        • Girard says:

          DS piracy was pretty huge, especially with the ease and ubiquity of R4 carts. I definitely had friends who primarily played pirated games on their DS, which I wasn’t crazy about (especially when they were pulling in engineer dosh, and I’m a poor-ass artist and early-childhood teacher who managed to afford actually buying all of my DS games). I’m not one to make blanket black/white pronouncements about piracy, but some folks really took advantage of the system, and it definitely seemed to be pretty easy to exploit.

        • zerocrates says:

          Like Girard says, DS piracy was a gigantic thing, big enough to support a brisk shadow industry for not only the R4, but also a ridiculously large number of other brands and devices.

          There’s a fairly significant amount of DS homebrew, but it’s not hard to see what drove all those card sales.

    • NakedSnake says:

      +5000 high fives for Greenheart Games, then.

    • zerocrates says:

      That is a funny story, and it’s always fun to see pirates get their comeuppance, but this story seems to be creating a lot of positive press for what looks like a pretty shameless clone.

      The isometric view, selection of theme/genre, fictionalized versions of historical consoles, counters for bugs, hype, and fans (with the same names), and even the “Y # M # W #” calendar in the corner are all straight out of Kairosoft’s Game Dev Story.

      I don’t remember, are we still fuming about clones, or is that just for Zynga?

      • duwease says:

        Fuming about clones is exhausting considering hardly anything is *that* new.  Even supposed new blood like Angry Birds and Minecraft are clones, whatcha gonna do?  If I didn’t play clones of some level, I wouldn’t have much to play.

  8. DrFlimFlam says:

    Nintendo never should have released a version of the WiiU without the game that sells the system as the local multiplayer champion. All WiiU’s should have come with NintendoLand. And they need more software.

    I like the WiiU more than the Wii from a player concept area, but it’s still not something I’d plunk down money for. It feels more like a half-baked Sony thing. The 3DS and WiiU should be nigh-interchangeable systems that share purchases and experiences; instead, there’s a tablet you can take with you to the couch, I guess, but why?

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      “I’m not the CEO of an extremely successful video game company, but I think giving someone a reason to buy your expensive new thing should be the first priority when releasing an expensive new thing.” – Exactly.

    • Girard says:

      The Wii U was just kind of perfect storm of baffling and ill-conceived decisions. Most non-game-playing folks I know either don’t know it exists, aren’t aware that it’s different from the Wii, or assume that the screen is just a peripheral for the Wii. Even if it weren’t totally confusing to the average consumer, its design strategy is kind of baffling (a room-sized HD DS, more or less?), and they seem to have hung onto a lot of the UI / on-line issues from previous generations, and exacerbated them by doing a really crummy job of letting people port over their on-line content from the Wii.

      I honestly kind of feel like getting one (even for free) would be more inconvenient than fun. Which is not a good sentiment to encourage with respect to your entertainment device…

      • Aurora Boreanaz says:

        And it sounds like Nintendo isn’t going to be doing much better this year.

        Sony and Microsoft are announcing next gen systems, while Nintendo announces…more Wii games.

        It’s kind of sad…when the Wii came out, the motion sensor controls were really innovative and fun.  But the novelty wore off quick, and now it sounds like they’ll be falling farther behind the curve unless they come up with another new idea quick.

        • GrantB says:

          The Wii’s motion-control novelty didn’t wear off so much as it simply wasn’t used in any further interesting ways.  Very few took the baseline established by Wii Sports and made even cooler things.  Even Nintendo failed it, somehow making the Wii Punch-Out’s controls less interesting than Wii Sports Boxing’s.
          Even worse, often when motion controls were used, they were used in the most superficial ways.  How many games “support” motion controls by simply mapping the basic attack button to a shake?  “Oh shit, we forgot motion controls.  Can we change it so that the attack button is a shake instead?  Cool, perfect.”  And then you finish a stage, and your wrist is starting to hurt from all the shaking, and then you never play the shitty game again.

          Nintendo really needs to be 80s-era dicks again with the quality control.

      • Bad Horse says:

        Nintendo has been making baffling decisions since at least the N64. It’s just that the DS and Wii managed to work despite the gimmickry, at least for a while. The DS’s moment has passed and the Wii never had one, really, not the way you’d like if you’re a software manufacturer.

        • Girard says:

          The DS was initially totally confusing, but turned out to be wildly successful and basically created its own niche. The Wii wasn’t really baffling -it made sense, it had a clear goal, and it succeeded handily at that goal. These new systems, especially the Wii U, feel like Nintendo is just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks.

        • Chalkdust says:

          @paraclete_pizza:disqus I love the DS (and 3DS) for being the new home of old-fashioned/retro/classic/however-you-want-to-describe-it JRPGs and weird story-heavy games like Phoenix Wright, 999, Lux Pain, etc.

          Best place for it now, but admittedly not as wide a fanbase as ages past.  Still, as long as they keep releasing Pokemon on it, it’ll be fine, I think.

      • ChicaneryTheYounger says:

        I forgot the Wii U existed from a week after it launched until this moment. I think it’s fair to say that’s a failure.

      • murtry says:

        I -won- a Wii U and I can confirm the fun barely outweighs the frustration, especially never having owned an original Wii.  First off, given the low number and high price of launch titles,  I thought, I’ll play some Wii games until the price drops.

        Want to play Wii games? You have to buy a WiiRemote Plus and Nunchuck. (2 pairs if you want 2-player) because the Gamepad that comes with the system doesn’t work in Wii mode. They also sell an xbox-style “pro” controller for the Wii U or a “classic” controller for the  Wii, but they’re not cross-compatible between Wii and Wii U mode.

        The menu screens are appallingly slow. I didn’t mind the gigantic patch they issued, but while it has built-in wireless, if you want to speed things up by using an ethernet cable, you have to buy a separate LAN adapter.

        Online DLC and games? Once again separate.  Nintendo Points for Wii, E Shop points for Wii U.  

        Thinking back, I believe Super Mario U and Zombi U were the only exclusive Wii launch titles!! If they want to advertise Wii compatibility and have hardy any NEW games to choose from, they could’ve at least made it easier to play Wii stuff.

        I’m sure I’ll think of more things that irritate me about this system.

  9. HobbesMkii says:

    Paul W. S. Anderson should change his name so that there wouldn’t be all that confusion whenever I mention P. T. Anderson and people go, “doesn’t he make those really terrible video game adaptations?”

  10. Liebheart says:

    Ratchet and Clank: Double-Teaming the World

  11. VS says:

    You lost me at Batman Forever.

  12. Sean Smith says:

    What is this “PDT” business? East coast bias for life!

  13. ChicaneryTheYounger says:

    I’m sorry, but what the hell is Italian Sausage? You may as well have French Cheese or Irish Bread as a topping.

  14. Cloks says:

    This is the way the world will end
    This is the way the world will end
    This is the way the world will end
    Not with a shooter, but with a pizza.

  15. Naked Man Holding A Fudgesicle says:

    ::sighs heavily, gently puts playstation controller down on coffee table, reflects momentarily on empty growling belly and wipes tears from eyes, heaves self out of chair and goes and gets another packet of Nacho Cheese Doritos from pantry::

    • The_Helmaroc_King says:

      Don’t do it!

      You have so much to live for!

      • Naked Man Holding A Fudgesicle says:

        These are the depths of depravity we are left with when the nearby celebrity castle has run out of a certain delicious treat in their refrigerator.

        In all seriousness, the first and last time I ordered a dominos pizza online I was thrilled that I could further limit human interaction. But when the dominos pizza delivery guy knocked on the door, I opened it to find another dominos pizza guy lurking about 10 feet behind him in the shadows. So I said ‘who the hell is that guy?’, and pizza guy sort of looked down at his feet and mumbled ‘he’s training me, it’s my first day.’ It was weird.

        So there you go, pizza delivery guys need training now, because driving a dinky pizza car and walking up to a door is now considered too difficult to work out for yourself. There must have been a string of new pizza guys forgetting to get the payment or showing up without the pizza. Or maybe, the world’s gone fucking mad.

        “Now Bobby, what did you do wrong there?”
        “Um, drove the car into a ditch, ate all the pizzas myself, and ran off naked after lighting the car on fire?”
        “Yes, well done. See, last time you didn’t even realize that was wrong.”



  17. ferrarimanf355 says:

    Pizza Hut? I’m one of those mom-and-pop pizza shop eating hipsters.