Sawbuck Gamer


Crowdsurf’s Up!

You capture your fans’ hearts—and their unmentionables—in Stagediver.

By Derrick Sanskrit • May 8, 2013

Sawbuck Gamer is our daily review of a free or cheap game ($10 or less).

We’ve all harbored a dream of being a big-time rock star, and while Harmonix’s Rock Band games placated some of those desires, it was lacking in one big rock department: showmanship. Where were the unmentionables tossed onto our mic stand? Where was the tense drama of the merch table? Where was the crowdsurfing? Stagediver meets all of those ludicrous demands in one swift nonsensical blow, just like my tour rider that insists on 300 yellow Reese’s Pieces served in a crystal bowl shaped like a clown’s skull, and for every orange or brown Reese’s Piece I find, I will freaking murder you, man. Seriously.

You play as Dwayne York, rock and/or roll icon. After mashing out your epic guitar solo, you dive into an arena full of screaming fans, performing the most bombastic crowdsurfing acrobatics you can muster, all in an attempt to collect more of the audience’s admiration and personal effects. Mooching the crowd is easy as pie, but it takes true finesse to somersault through the air, stay in the spotlight, and get back to stage before the adoring masses have forgotten how truly sweet your guitar solo was. The bigger your stage-dive antics, the bigger the sales at your merch booth, and if there’s anything we learned from the Napster era, it’s that bands only really make money from licensing out their music and selling merchandise on tour—and Dwayne York ain’t about to sell out to no car company. The question remains, though, where does all the underwear come from? Do concert-goers bring extra pairs just for throwing or are they discreetly taking their pants off in the crowd? Why throw the nice expensive ones? Why not throw your laundry-day granny panties? Is Dwayne supposed to wash, fold, and return them? I don’t think rock stars do the whole wash-and-fold thing.

Share this with your friends and enemies

Write a scintillating comment

7 Responses to “Crowdsurf’s Up!”

  1. The_Helmaroc_King says:

    Is that a banana hammock in red?

  2. boardgameguy says:

    i love the “mash the keyboard” directions that have come up in other major bueno games as well

    • lokimotive says:

      I don’t. Or rather I do when I’m home, but it becomes difficult to pretend I’m actually working when playing this game at work. My boss would know something’s up if she hears me pounding on the keyboard as frantically as this game necessitates. There’s no way I’m that productive/invested in my job.

      • Chalkdust says:

         Get new job as quality assurance tester at a keyboard company.  Problem solved!

        • lokimotive says:

          Oh sure, but then all my comments on sites would look like: ghghghghghqweropjh

      • Naked Man Holding A Fudgesicle says:

        My company is too poor to upgrade our slow and unreliable computers, so people mashing on their keyboards in frustration is a common occurrence. Or maybe I’m just the only one not playing a game all day at my desk.