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Yesterday’s Xbox One reveal in two hilarious, expertly edited minutes

By Matt Gerardi • May 22, 2013

To the surprise of no one, yesterday’s unveiling of the new Xbox was pretty underwhelming. The presentation spent hardly any time on games. Instead, the hour was mostly used to introduce the Xbox One’s living room domination techniques. If you missed the show, don’t fret! YouTube user Darkbeatdk put together a highlight reel of the event that will catch you up in less than two minutes. I love the editing in this video. There’s a great comedic cadence to it, especially when it gets to the EA Sports guy. Now if only I could get back the hour of my life that Microsoft wasted…

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74 Responses to “Yesterday’s Xbox One reveal in two hilarious, expertly edited minutes”

  1. Marozeph says:

    My current job isn’t great, but at least i’m not forced to watch awful presentations like this.
    BTT: considering the presentation was extremely focused on T.V., i’m kinda interested how it’s handled outside the USA. Here in Germany, we don’t have Netflix, so a proper streaming service could actually fill a niche.

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      Whenever you DO get a streaming video service in Germany, I’m sure Microsoft will be happy to charge you extra to use your Xbox to access it!

      • CyberneticOrganism says:

        Your avatar’s smug, slightly condescending smirk (and matching “xbox green”) embody that comment perfectly.

    • George_Liquor says:

      Actually, I think this is one of the better new product non-reveal reveals I’ve seen lately. It’s not easy to make “We have no information to give you” sound exciting.

  2. Jer Link says:

     “TV” is a nickname and nicknames are for friends, and television is no friend of mine.

  3. WixosTrix says:

    I take it they’re doing something with TVs…

  4. Aurora Boreanaz says:

    I couldn’t help but chuckle at this…though it is missing “revolutionary” and “revolution”.

  5. Xyvir says:

    This was brilliant. Why couldn’t the presentation just have been this brief to begin with? It would save everyone so much time. They wasted it saying so little, repeating so much nonsense.

  6. Merve says:

    YouTube is having a field day with that crappy conference. Another good one:

    • Destroy Him My Robots says:

      That’s exactly the one I’ve been waiting for.

    • TreeRol says:

      This is fantastic!

      “The Xbox One is made of rocket science and five billion other things, so that gamers can do what gamers do best: YOGA!”

  7. His_Space_Holiness says:

    Needs more dog.

  8. DrFlimFlam says:

    I cannot wait to watch Call of Duty TV.

  9. Why do they keep telling the Xbox to “call a doody”?

    • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

      Xbox One’s target demographic is Jerky Boys fans.

      • OldeFortran77 says:

        I’ve played enough multi-player games to know that this was ALWAYS Xbox’s target demographic.

  10. beema says:

    Yeah pretty much. If there’s a “winner” of this next console war, it will be PS4 because shockingly they actually focused on games.

    • George_Liquor says:

      But the PS4 lacks dog. Xbox One has dog built right in.

    • indy2003 says:

      I wasn’t too impressed with the PS4 presentation, but it looks pretty awesome in hindsight. Even if most of the new products and console features they revealed weren’t all that exciting, at least the products were mostly games and the console features were mostly related to gaming.

      On the other hand… TV. And sports. AND TV. So it’s a tough call.

    • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

      Or the Wii U if ninty gets their shit together. But the rising costs of console games does not seem sustainable to me, so my bet is that no one will be a winner. Except for me and my computer.

      • Mercenary_Security_number_4 says:

         Wii U’s entire framework, from barely competitive hardware to accounts linked to physical consoles to what is basically a proprietary tablet, is decidedly backwards looking.  From what I’ve experienced, I have a hard time believing its possible for Nintendo to get their shit together without just dumping the thing in a landfill and starting from scratch.

        • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

          Most of what I’m looking forward to from the Wii U hardware is seeing what hackers will be able to do with it. The Wii actually had some pretty neat homebrew apps that I still use pretty regularly.

        • AreisReising says:

          Hey now, proprietary tablets seem to be doing just fine, thanks. Just ask Apple!

      • beema says:

        LOL Wii U
        you’re joking, right?

        • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

          Didn’t the Wii sell loads more than both PS3 and 360? I haven’t followed the sales numbers or whatever, but they made fat sacks of cash on that thing.

  11. Fluka says:

    On a more serious note, has anyone else read Leigh Alexander’s response to the event?  It makes the point that the reveal was a “desperate prayer” to maintain the concept of a TV-in-livingroom-centric gaming experience, while much of the world had started to move on from that model.  Interesting polemic.

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      Brilliant observation!  I guess when everyone has moved on to tablet and phone-based games, then it’s “revolutionary” to make them sit in their living rooms again?

      • Everything about that presentation suggests that Microsoft is chasing the past rather than the future. And they top it all off by naming it “Xbox One”. They’re making it way too easy on the pundits. 

      • Mercenary_Security_number_4 says:

         Its like on the recent episode of Futurama where they introduced phone booths to the 31st century: “finally I don’t have to carry my phone around!”

    • Marozeph says:

      I agree with a lot in the article. Is there really a point in having Skype or Facebook on your TV, when other devices can do it much more comfortable?
      I’m not sure about the “everyone lives in tiny, impermanent living spaces”-part. Sure, there are lots of people in that situation, but i don’t know if they are really representative – and i don’t think MS will design the XBO in a way that makes it completely unfeasible if you don’t have a giant TV with a spacious living room.

    • The_Misanthrope says:

       I think probably one of the strangest recently added Xbox Live apps has got to be the Internet Explorer one.  Like most Xbox Live apps, it held onto the 360 with patches and magic so it takes forever to load up.  And then you have to try to browse the internet using a controller.  Mind you, my tablet isn’t optimal for internet browsing either, but it’s convenient enough that it doesn’t matter.

      I think Microsoft was just hoping we’d have devolved into limbless blobs permanently fused to our couches being tube-fed on Doritos mush and Mountain Dew by this point.

    • NakedSnake says:

       I love the idea that Microsoft is still doggedly pursuing the plan they formulated at least 12 years ago to have a game system be the center of the living room despite the myriad of huge technological changes since then.

      • Aurora Boreanaz says:

        Consarn these newfangled gasoline engines!  Nobody will ever do better than to harness the power of steam locomotion!

      • The_Misanthrope says:

         I think they had assumed that the 360 would be the culmination of that plan.  They had everything planned out and then Netflix decided people might want to watch some of their selections online; Almost overnight, they were playing catch-up in a race they assumed they had in the bag.  And they have been lagging behind ever since.

        • Mercenary_Security_number_4 says:

           And don’t forget HD-DVD was going to win the format war.

    • Citric says:

      There’s something about that article that bugs me, mostly that Alexander is confusing “people I know” with “people.” There’s a lot of talk about the tiny impermanent living spaces and student debt, but that doesn’t apply to places that are not large cities – I’ve never lived in a place that didn’t have a living room, my tiny old house has two – and student debt is a problem that affects a very narrow demographic for a relatively narrow stretch of time. While the consumption of content is changing she’s kind of focused on a narrow section of the market rather than people as a whole – many of which have living rooms with some kind of TV in the middle.

      Which isn’t to say that the entire thing isn’t an attempt to bring people back to old methods of content consumption – the whole focus on TV, even if many of us (like me!) play games instead of watching TV – just that Alexander’s focus on a narrow spread of debt-laden urbanites is probably not going to be the biggest part of any product’s market.

      • Fluka says:

        Yeah, it’s an interesting issue, which kind of reminds me of the debate over TV consumption nowadays.  Obviously, there are a lot of people who still watch TV on a television with a cable subscription, even though it may be recorded through a DVR.  But there’s still been this debate about the downfall of traditional programming, the rise of streaming, iTunes and Hulu, and people using their laptops, tablets, phones, etc.  It kind of reminds me of HBO doubling down on their subscription-only plan while people keep asking for al a carte HBOGo.  Are they right or wrong in assuming they will always be able to depend on an audience who necessarily own televisions and pay for cable bundles?  I haven’t owned a TV since moving into a college dorm, but then again I’m part of the same social slice as Alexander.  

        I’d actually be curious to see some numbers on console sales and profitability from the past few decades.  I’ve heard a lot of rumblings recently on how AAA gaming is ultimately an unsustainable industry which increasingly appeals to a more and more narrow audience.  We live in a world where Tomb Raider’s 3 million copies sold was considered a disappointment, after all.  I wonder if that’s a fault of the hardware or the software, however.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the Xbox One’s move from game console to console/DVD player/chat device/blender is in reaction to the perceived niche appeal and unprofitability of “core gaming” itself.

        In short, that’s one thing I can definitely agree with in Alexander’s piece: the new Xbox reveal definitely felt like a plea for continued relevance.  

        • Citric says:

          I think part of the problem with AAA gaming is that an increase in budget is making publishers less risk averse. Since shooty gritty things sell, a lot of them are going to be made, but it’s not a particularly diverse audience, and you risk saturating the market. But, nobody is willing to do something daring, because there’s a greater chance you could lose your shirt, even if doing something daring is the only way to expand your audience.

          Hell, if you look at the XBO launch, you’ve got a company that is aggressively playing it safe. Sports and CoD, TV and dogs, all of these things are pretty reliable from a sales perspective, but not much very new. It’s definitely a company which does not want to see much change.

          This is probably why everyone’s talking about casual gaming being the next big thing. It’s because the relatively low risk of financing tiny niche titles means exciting things can happen, while they can’t in the hyper-budgeted AAA space.

      • The other weird issue – and something someone called out in the comments underneath that article – is that the author defines the privilege of the centered-TV-living room, but inexplicably fails to recognize the privilege of possessing a computer/smartphone/tablet. She defines the separation of privileged possessions as more humble and modern than the privilege of centralized entertainment, which… what?

        I don’t know if people -are- moving away from the living room as entertainment hub (also, the hell does the size of the TV have to do with anything?). That’s one heck on an unsubstantiated statement. Also, how can you claim that no one would plunk down 400 bucks the Xbox One when people willingly plunk down 400 bucks for a tablet/laptop/new console/smartphone/HD TV all the freaking time?

        I’m hit or miss on the Xbox One, to be honest. The voice/body features seem -like- where the technology is generally headed. I’m not sure about the full media hub idea, because it seems glutted (Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, cable companies, smart-TVs, TIVO, modern blu-ray players, generic PCs – heck, even the Xbox 360/PS3 has most of these features), and following up with organizing licensing deals seem like it will be a hassle at the consumer level.

        • Citric says:

          There’s also the weird loaded phrases like “entertainment altar” which… seriously? I can understand different priorities based on space, budget and so on, but there’s some weird class warfare stuff going on in that piece which is gleefully and aggressively ignorant of any lifestyle outside of the writer’s own.

        • Simon Jones says:

           Ah. There’s an easy way to explain this particular view point.

          Leigh Alexander occasionally writes for Boing Boing.

      • Mercenary_Security_number_4 says:

        student debt is a problem that affects a very narrow demographic for a relatively narrow stretch of time.

        huh. we live in very different worlds.

        • Citric says:

          Exactly my point, everyone does live in a different world and it’d be plain stupidity to say that the people I know represent the majority, which Alexander does here. Well-educated young people are the group that are most affected by student debt, and that’s a small group when compared to the world at large, or even the population of North America. Which is not to say it’s not a significant group, just that there’s a hell of a lot of people out there.

          Then again, I didn’t have student debt because cows paid for my education, as made up as that sounds. 

    • It makes some sense for the event to have catered to the stereotypical “Man-Cave Gamer”. Analysts seem to think that the so-called “casual gamers” that bought millions of Wiis and plastic guitars have left consoles for good. That puts Microsoft in an awkward position. Privately, they’re convinced that their product has once again become a niche device, but they have to promote it as if every home should have one.

      Yeah, I think that’s what bothers me most about the event. Microsoft showed us a device for a niche market (the “Man-Cave Gamer”) and told us it was for everyone.    

  12. neodocT says:

    They talked a lot, but I still don’t get what the XboxOne does to my TV that’s new. My PS3 already has Netflix, and I don’t need a DVR. So… it has Skype? Is that it?

    • aklab says:

      I guess so! Me, I just need a machine to play games on.

    • Dan Reynolds says:

      my ps3 has netflix.  so does my wii.  and my DVR.  AND MY TV.  i am hard-pressed to name a screened electronic device i own that doesn’t have netflix.  i guess my keurig doesn’t.  (yet)

      • The_Misanthrope says:

        And this is why Keurig will lose to Krups in the next Coffee Maker generation.

  13. CNightwing says:

    I guess a TV show is just easier to make than a game, right? No interactivity. If you have to make a game, better make it linear, then it’s like TV. No decisions to make. If you must create some sort of involved game, something where you can make important decisions, then you’ve got two choices – make it so open-ended that there’s no story at all, or boil down your hours of effort into a single, stupid decision that determines which ending you get to see.

  14. aklab says:

    I watched this event with no real expectations and yet I’m still inexplicably disappointed. 

    The Xbox 360 was the first game system I bought since… Game Cube. And I bought it solely for the game library. Microsoft has tried pretty hard to hide my games from me — giving them one tiny square out of the plethora of menu tabs devoted to Xbox Live ads and whatnot. But making a new game console announcement with no games other than the CODs and sports games we knew were coming anyway? 

    Here’s what I don’t get, though. I already have a box that lets me play games on my TV with an Xbox controller, and it lets me Netflix and Hulu and Skype. It’s my PC. Not even a very good PC! But it does all that crap already!   

    • I’m really surprised that PC manufacturers haven’t been promoting their products as the “one box to rule them all”. As you said, the PC is already capable of fulfulling all your entertainment hub needs (and it offers considerable advantages over consoles) so why aren’t more people using it that way?   

      • aklab says:

        I don’t know! It does seem like Microsoft is at odds with itself though, because a Windows PC with Windows Media Center is already great at doing most of what this new Xbox does. 

      • Fluka says:

        I wonder how much the Steam Box concept is actually going to try to fit that niche.  Is the plan to have it be able to support other programs like Skype, Netflix, etc., or is supposed to launch things solely from Steam?  Is it an actual PC, albeit with a Linux system and optimized for gaming with a TV, and with a lower price?  I’m honestly not sure how similar it’s going to be to a console or to a regular desktop computer.

        Because yeah.  Our living room already is centered around a powerful box which has games, displays all of our Netflix watching, calls people on Skype, and even makes powerpoint presentations and provides access Matlab.  It’s my husband’s desktop PC, and he built it back in 2007.  

        PC gaming’s been doing this stuff for years.  It’s just historically been more time-consuming and expensive. If you can make that experience work out of box for a competitive price, you’ve already got an even better “box to rule them all.”

        • Merve says:

          Now I’m giggling uncontrollably because I’m trying to imagine using MATLAB with a controller. “Why are all your variable names combinations of the letters a, b, x, and y?”

        • Fluka says:

          @Merve2:disqus Also, Matlab would be so much more fun if there were achievements!

          Actually, come to think of it, people at my job have been joking about making Merit Badges for years – achievements wouldn’t be far off.

          “System Crasher (50 pts): break the data transfer server 5 times in one week.”

        • Merve says:

          @Fluka:disqus: Speaking of programming environments that need achievements, R could definitely use one for figuring out how to decipher its crazy-ass documentation!

      • The_Misanthrope says:

         Steam has been smartly playing that angle with its “Big Picture” mode, making it easier to connect your PC up to your TV and use it like a console.  I’m not sure how big a slice of the console market the Steam Box will take when it come out–pricing will likely make or break it–but all the tools are there to make it incredibly easy to make your PC your next console.

        • NakedSnake says:

          Yea really. The amount of ‘exclusives’ Steam has blows Microsoft and Sony clear out of the pond. How does Microsoft not understand that the XBox One is trying and failing to compete with Windows?

  15. Naked Man Holding A Fudgesicle says:

    Hey, that woman saying that she was thrilled to announce a Halo TV series didn’t sound thrilled at all!

    • Roswulf says:

       Spielberg didn’t bring the enthusiasm either, but at least he knows how to simulate sincerity when discussing such things.

    • Matt Gerardi says:

      Television, television, television. I wonder what kind of involvement Spielberg will actually have with it. Sports.

  16. mizerock says:

    Hey, remember this plan, where Microsoft was going to use Kinect to count the number of people in the room and report you in you exceeded the “viewer limit” on your movie rental / MMA Pay-Per-View?

    I find it not at all ridiculous to think they will actually put this into action with the One.

    • The_Misanthrope says:

       They might want to, but I really can’t see it having much of a legal standing.  It’s a bit like when the cops tried to automate speeding tickets.  The chance for error makes it hard to prove.

      • OldeFortran77 says:

        There are automated red light cameras in my state. The legal status of it seems to be that it might not be legal but as long as some people pay the tickets then it’s a worthwhile money maker for the particular municipality.

      • mizerock says:

        I showed up to contest an automated speeding camera ticket (my first ever speeding violation), and the judge did not share your “no legal standing” assesment. Maybe I just had a terrible lawyer [me].

  17. Mercenary_Security_number_4 says:

    I like dogs AND television!