Keyboard Geniuses

Anthony John Agnello photobombs E3

Advanced Console Wars

Highlights from the week’s comment threads.

By Matt Kodner • June 14, 2013

Keyboard Geniuses is our weekly glance at a few intriguing, witty, or otherwise notable posts from the Gameological discussion threads. Comments have been excerpted and edited here for grammar, length, and/or clarity. You can follow the links to see the full threads.

Agnello Bomb

Our team on the E3 show floor tracked down a handful game developers and hit them with our reader-created Gameological Questionnaire. Ryan Smith had a blast talking with Saints Row IV’s creative director, Steve Jaros, and Vinnybushes brought us an equally hilarious, though unrelated, video of Gameological’s own Anthony John Agnello taking an impromptu star turn during a demo of Nintendo’s Super Smash Bros.:

Amazing: Anthony John Agnello photobombs this Smash Bros. presentation. Way to steal Masahiro Sakurai’s thunder! The rest of the video is cringe-inducingly unwatchable.

Everyone here at Gameological HQ is confident that Anthony could have done the match commentary 10 times better than the schmo on stage. (Maybe that’s what Anthony had in mind?)

Wii United And It Feels So Good
Satoru Iwata in Nintendo's E3 Nintendo Direct

Though Nintendo skipped a traditional press conference, Ryan Smith gave us the lowdown on the company’s Nintendo Direct video keynote and a press event at the Nintendo booth. In response, Jon Benson proposed that the Wii U should be doing better despite itself:

I’m disappointed in Nintendo. I got the Wii U a week after it came out, and it’s got such incredible promise! The possibilities for sweet asymmetric multiplayer and cooperative gameplay are endless and freakin’ delightful. My college-aged friends and I spend hours playing NintendoLand when we get together and (despite its overall shallowness) it’s still a blast, largely because taking turns with the gamepad shifts the dynamics of the game every time. Unfortunately, NintendoLand seems to be the only game so far that was actually designed for the Wii U, rather than just having the gamepad features tagged on at the end as so many have done. (Game & Wario appears to be an exception, but it also looks just as shallow as NintendoLand.) It’s extremely disappointing that they still haven’t got a single new game to show that was specifically designed to fulfill (rather than just show off) the Wii U’s real potential.

Naked Snake dropped in to announce that a group of Gameological readers are “Voltroning up” (as Sony executive Adam Boyes put it during the PlayStation press conference) to create an original game.

Hello everyone! If you are interested in helping your Gameological brethren create a video game, please check out the Steam group. The project is still in its very early phases. This week, we are still in the process of figuring out what the game will be and who could do what. On Sunday night at 10:00 p.m. Eastern, we will be talking about Operations (Task Coordination, Marketing, and Other Non-Game Tasks).

The group also held meetings on Wednesday and Thursday, but there’s no reason you can’t drop in on Sunday. Go team! We’re behind you all the way.

Sharing Is Caring
Xbox One Kinect

Before any of the next-gen shit hit the next-gen fan, Sam Barsanti set the pre-E3 scene in The Bulletin. In response to the Xbox One’s Orwellian observation and data-mining capabilities, XtraCurlyFries suggested that it might not be that big of a deal:

I will definitely be buying [an Xbox] One. I completely don’t understand the hysteria about the new features. The ability to play games that my friends own without buying them sounds freaking awesome! I also have no issues with the used game market crashing and burning.

You want to be concerned about webcams watching you, you should be far more worried about desktops and laptops with webcams getting hacked. The Xbox forces you to update the operating system before going online, but when’s the last time you updated your webcam drivers? Exactly. If I were a hacker, I wouldn’t go after a closed system like the Xbox. I’d hack laptops running exploitable versions of the webcam software.

As for Microsoft watching you in your underwear? If they want to pay someone to watch me play games, they’re welcome to it, but I suspect they have better things to do.

Running The Numbers
The Xbox E3 2013 Murder Report

Last year, one of my favorite E3 features was John Teti’s Murder Report videos, which tallied up each onscreen killing during the major press conferences. This year, I was the person who did all the counting, so all I have to say is, good god, won’t someone think of the children? The Xbox press event clocked in at 485 deaths, more than in all of last year’s press conference combined, and Merve put that into context:

Four hundred eighty-five deaths in 90 minutes comes out to approximately 5.4 deaths per minute (dpm). For comparison, one person is murdered every minute on the entirety of planet Earth.

Console War Z
E3 2013 PlayStation press conference

Ryan Smith recapped Sony’s big press conference, which, by popular acclaim, blew Microsoft’s keynote out of the water. In his commentary, Ryan espoused the widespread belief that this coming generation will be the last wave of consoles as we know them, but Philip Collector thought otherwise:

This is the last console cycle? Really? I think we’ve still got a little more time to go. Last I checked, companies are still making DVDs and DVD players, and people are still buying them! Point being, it sometimes takes longer than we think for a format to truly die out.

There’s a scene in the Last Picture Show (a movie made in the ’70s that took place in the ’50s) where the woman running the theater says that because everybody owns a TV, nobody goes to the movies anymore. I’m sure it felt like that in both the ’50s AND the ’70s, yet here we are in 2013 going in droves to theaters to see Iron Man 3 on opening night.

Plus there’s the bandwidth situation in the U.S. Until at least 90 percent of the country has FIOS or Google Fiber, we’re still going to be buying disc-based games for consoles.

Rise Of The Dead
Xbox E3 2013 press conference: World Of Tanks

John Teti commented on Microsoft’s press conference, in which they plugged a bunch of games set for release on the Xbox One. Like John, Caspian Comic found himself feeling empty after Microsoft left the stage, and he explained why:

I did have one sincere emotional response to their show. I got the sads when I saw Dead Rising 3. First, because I was bummed that it was [an Xbox One] exclusive. But then doubly so when I saw that the Dead Rising series had been transformed from a franchise about dressing a grown man in a sundress, and duct-taping a lawnmower to a wheelchair, and killing 10,000 zombies in a tightly designed environment to a franchise in which a grown man drives cars around a gritty, realistic city and shoots zombies with guns. Hopefully, that trailer was a gross misrepresentation of the game, because I’d hate to see a series as shamelessly dorky and fun as Dead Rising go all dark ’n’ gritty, self-serious Resident Evil on us.

The Great Escape

During Microsoft’s press conference, Gameological staffers and readers converged in our liveblog. As we waited for Microsoft to take the stage, Spacemonkey Mafia predicted one hell of a reveal:

I anticipate the Xbox One’s big E3 reveal to be that we’ve all actually been living within the system for three years now. An impeccably dressed kung fu master of mixed racial heritage is going to inform us we have been plugged into, or “Gold-Membered” in the system since the cataclysm following the Great Console Wars of the 2000s.

Our actual bodies are incubating in a broth of carbonated high-fructose corn syrup and nacho-cheese flavor-dust inside the bombed-out shell of the LA convention center. There is no opposition. The Wii-sistance has been crushed. Do you want to buy a hat shaped like Kazooie for your avatar?

Crude Awakening
Saints Row IV

Ryan Smith brought us an early look at the upcoming, totally nuts Saints Row IV. Effigy Power considers herself a fan of the series:

I am astounded by how excited I am for this. The game is crass, crude, incredibly unsophisticated and hasn’t really changed since Saints Row 2.

That said, it’s unspeakably fun. A lot of games lately have valued gravitas, plot, or emotionality over the simple fun of blowing shit up, and that’s fine. There’s room for those games. But there has to be some mindless fun as well. Saints Row: The Third delivered that, on the PC more than on the console I find (I hate shooting with joypads). The developers simply knew that people who play Saints Row don’t need certain things we demand from other games.

Saints Row is about walking around as shiny blue giants wearing latex fetish outfits fire chum at people so they’ll be eaten by sharks. The only way this game can improve is with more, and that’s what we’re getting. Aliens? Super-powers? Mechs? Dubstep Gun? Sign me the bleep up, I say. Wait…it’s Saints Row! Sign me the fucking shit up!

Well, folks, that’s it! Thanks for reading and commenting, and we’ll see you next week.

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85 Responses to “Advanced Console Wars”

  1. The_Helmaroc_King says:

    Since it seems to be popping up all over the place, here’s everything you  can currently use to get caught up on the Gameological Game Project (thing):

    The Steam Group’s Forum
    The original thread
    The art and environment thread
    The programming and design thread
    Transcripts for both Steam chats

    Most things are up in the air at this point, though, so don’t worry if you don’t know everything backwards and forwards. No-one’s taken up the mantle of leadership for programming and design yet, but Effigy seems to be the queen for the art and environments side.

    Weekend project if you’re interested in the technical side of things: download the free version of Game Maker Studio and see what it’s like. There’s a chance we’ll be using it instead of building our own engine, but until we suss out the limitations of the tool we can’t say for sure.

    Have a happy weekend, everyone!

    • The_Helmaroc_King says:

      As a bonus, if you don’t think people are serious about this project, consider this exchange:

      10:44 PM – Cloks: we’ll see how four years of Object Oriented programming helps with this
      10:45 PM – zerocrates: put some inheritance in there
      10:45 PM – Mr. Glitch: Pass me that parameter
      10:45 PM – zerocrates: make a facade
      10:45 PM – zerocrates: polymorph something
      10:45 PM – HelmRock: Reference that shit!
      10:45 PM – Mr. Glitch: You totally called that function
      10:45 PM – Cloks: #include singleprogrammingjoke.h
      10:45 PM – Eric Bouchard Buckingham-McCall: OK, time to collect these garbage jokes.
      10:46 PM – Cloks: we’ll do it recursively
      10:46 PM – zerocrates: har de har de har
      10:47 PM – HelmRock: I don’t know what Eric is on about. These jokes are seriously stacked.
      10:47 PM – zerocrates: heap.

      Great minds, one and all.

    • PaganPoet says:

      Any use for original music? I’m useless when it comes to programming or art, but hell, I went to school for music composition, so I may as well make some use of it.

      • vinnybushes says:

         I think it would be genuinely appreciated.

      • Girard says:

        Yes. Destroy Him My Robots is cooking up some great stuff, but I’m sure he’d appreciate another voice in the mix.

      • The_Helmaroc_King says:

        @PaganPoet:disqus It only recently occurred to me that you have yet to make an appearance in the Steam group, unless you use an unrecognizable nom de plume. If you still have the time and interest to contribute, you should get on that!

        You may want to pipe up in the username thread if your Steam account has an unrelated username. The art and environment thread could also stand an appearance, if you’d like to clarify what you can help with. I hear we have some professional sound and music types, but I don’t recall anyone mentioning experience with composition, so there could be a good role for you to fill.

        I brought your name up in the chat and Effigy included you in the semi-official roster, but it’s likely that the current musical death squad (Destroy Him My Robots et al) doesn’t know you’re interested. Contacting DHMR about that would be in order.

        Most things are being done through the Steam group, either in the discussion forum or the chat room, so why not drop by? Maybe someday the group will play some games as well.

        • PaganPoet says:

          Oy, thanks for the heads up and sorry for the flakiness. I am interested in helping out, but at the moment I am personal computer-less. My old clunker finally had it last month, flipped me a bird, and was like “outties” because its favorite movie is Clueless.

          I’ll hopefully be getting a replacement within a month or so, but I guess it depends on the bank account.

        • Destroy Him My Robots says:

          @PaganPoet:disqus Sorry for your loss, your computer sounded pretty cool. It’s great that you’re interested and don’t worry about missing the first month or so. It’s gonna be fun, I think.

      • The_Helmaroc_King says:

        @PaganPoet:disqus Ah, that’s unfortunate. I don’t know if you need a PC to do any musical work, but having one handy seems to be the de facto requirement for coordination and communication.

        If you still have the time and inclination once you have a PC, there should still be opportunities to participate, even a month or so down the line. There might still be a need for more music, but in the worst case scenario, you could help with feedback on a beta version.

    • NakedSnake says:

      The discussion this Sunday would be a good one to drop in on if you are not sure how to contribute to the actual game creation. We’re going to have to figure out what kind of side projects we will need to do to get this game done (other than, of course, embezzling millions of dollars from kickstarter).

    • HobbesMkii says:

      Oh, did we mention that we have a steam group you can all join? Last night, over 130 people were online at the same time (only 19 of which were playing games, but whatever). 

      The Weekly Game Revue (we’ve been on Week 2 for a month) also takes place there!

      And when I figure out what days I’ll be taking for vacation this year, we might schedule some nights to play games around. Actually, if you have a game you want to play, just send myself, Fyodor, Effigy, or DJ Subversive a message in Steam about scheduling it for a specific night and we’ll throw it up on the calendar.

      Steam doesn’t let you set recurring events yet, so we’ve been pretty lax about this (I almost promise we’ll get better).

      • djsubversive says:

        Just a note: my Steam name is currently Rickyyy Spaaanisssh (or something similar. I know the “Spanish” is drawn out like that, but I’ll be damned if I remember how I spelled it). I have a Monolith patch (from S.T.A.L.K.E.R.) as my avatar. I’m also in chat semi-regularly.

        Fyodor Douchetoyevsky is currently Stan “The Boy” Taylor, with a yellow muppet or something as his avatar.

        We also all have gold stars next to our names, which is probably more helpful.

        • Effigy_Power says:

          But don’t feel intimidated. The gold stars only mean that we are better than you, that’s all.

        • djsubversive says:

          @Effigy_Power:disqus I was going to say something like “we have gold stars because we’re awesome,” but I didn’t want to make the masses feel bad.

          Also, we can ban people if they sass us (or if we just feel like it. note: this will probably never happen unless you’re a big jerk-face).

        • vinnybushes says:

          But you will be publicly shamed on the main page.

        • djsubversive says:

          @vinnybushes:disqus well, that’s entirely your fault for being a chat-hater.

    • Pgoodso says:

       Hey, just posted in the art thread, but I’m a professional sound designer, and if ya’ll need help (and it doesn’t interfere too much with my master’s classes), I’ve got the skills and recording capabilities to make things happen.

    • stepped_pyramids says:

      Good times.

  2. Spacemonkey Mafia says:

    Weekend Prompt!

       A very satisfying week here at Gameological.  A lot of great articles and a lot of great commentary.
       So this week’s question is pretty obvious.

       What would have been your ideal E3 announcement?

       It could be as straight-forward as mine:  A reveal of the promised (but unlikely) Bioshock game for Vita;
       Or as conceptual as the big three stating they are done with the tech arms race and are going to concentrate on creating games that have deeper emotional resonance and cultural significance -featuring a racially and gender diverse variety of protagonists.

    • Chalkdust says:

      Really I just wanted news about a few long-in-development games that I’m personally interested in, like Beyond Good & Evil 2 or Persona 5.

      Or for Sony’s planned Gaikai game streaming service, that the plan is to allow people access to the entire available PlayStation back catalog for one price or subscription, Netflix-style, as opposed to re-buying things game-by-game.  Since they haven’t said for certain one way or another, I’m holding out hope for the Netflix model.

      • Enkidum says:

        Holy crap that would be awesome. Or just a policy of keeping all old games <5 bucks or something.

        But I have no idea how feasible that is. Porting old games is expensive as hell, like we were talking about last week.

    • PaganPoet says:

      A trailer, a teaser, a demo, anything of Persona 5. Atlus is killing me over here. I have so many cool ideas in my head. I think it’s time the series shakes things up a bit, the way Persona 3 did to the series:
      It’s time to take the drama out of high school and move it to a university setting. AND it should be taken out of Japan. My idea is that the protagonist will be a Japanese university student studying abroad in the United States. The Social Links practically write themselves here. You have a bunch of young kids living on their own for the first time in their lives. You’re also a foreigner in a different country and culture.

      I don’t know how the battle gameplay will go. Part of me wants it a little more fast paced, maybe with a real time element to it, but then again, I sort of appreciate the time turn-based battles give you to plan your strategy and consider your options.

      PERSONA SERIES SPOILERS AHEAD

      Storywise, many speculate that Persona 4 Arena’s ending is hinting at the return of Nyarlathotep (and possibly Philemon as well?) This would be a pretty sweet way of tying Persona 1 and 2 to Persona 3 and 4. Plus it would make for some great fan service cameos (I personally want to see the return of Lisa Silverman).

      • Kilzor says:

        Having not played Persona 1 or 2, what specific hints did the end of Arena give in that direction (which I did play)?

        • PaganPoet says:

          The “Malevolent Entity” who stole Labrys and threw her into the TV world behaves and talks a lot like Nyarlathotep, who is the primary antagonist of Persona 1 and 2. He’s able to disguise himself as the Shadow Selves of the protagonists. He’s able to alter the memories of people (Tatsuya Sudou in P2, Labrys in P4A). When Nyarlathotep is defeated in P2: Eternal Punishment, he says directly that he will be back.

          (They also have the same voice actor. It’s another clue, but doesn’t necessarily mean anything as they’ve reused voice actors before. Adachi and Yu Narukami have the same VA, so do Kanji and Eikichi from P2: Innocent Sin)

    • Effigy_Power says:

      My personal E3-dream announcement would have been a version of the Steam-Box that will never be made, but seems like a good idea.

      Call it a streaming box for your PC, attached to your TV. It takes over Gamepad, Keyboard and Mouse control and otherwise does nothing but give you a linked interface to Steam on the PC and streams the game to the TV. Why bother putting a ton of hardware into a console if I already have a fairly powerful computer standing in the same room?
      The box could just run an interface like Steam’s Big Picture and otherwise really just act as an intermediate between PC and TV. No issues streaming Netflix, watching movies or anything… all it does is throw your PC onto your TV, while leaving the computation where it belongs.

      It seems like an incredibly simple device to build, especially since the hardware requirements are negligible. And it would be the final death-strike into the heart of consoles, at least for me. So, get on that, Valve.

      Yeah, it’s not going to happen.

      • NakedSnake says:

        Honestly, I thought that this was what the Valve-created steambox was going to be. Especially after they rebuked those Piston upstarts.

        • Effigy_Power says:

          I understand the Steam Box more as a small, compact computer that runs Steam as a kind of OS, but I could be wrong.

          • NakedSnake says:

            I think that Gabe Newell has implied that the Steam Box will be every different thing under the sun (plus it feels your sweat!). But he has trouble coming through on what he says. So I’m thinking that the ‘stream your computer’ box will ultimately be chosen simply because it is the best/cheapest/easiest way for him to deliver on his promise of delivering a steam box. If it’s a success, they can build on it.

      • Pgoodso says:

        The problem with that concept (and the big problem for consoles-as-media-purveyor in general, today) is that it’s fairly easy to directly plug most modern computers today into a television, especially if the computer is an Apple or has an HDMI port.

        Even if you have an older computer or TV, I think people have become so used to the idea of having to buy specific form-factor converting connectors to communicate between devices (ESPECIALLY Apple consumers) that a “console” that was literally just a connector with some software attached might seem superfluous and comparatively expensive.

        Basically, if your PC is in the same room as your TV, just hook your PC to your TV, hehe. That’s what I do anyways: Netflix, Steam, and internet all at 1080p for not that much money at all. This is why I agree consoles are dead.

        • Effigy_Power says:

          That’s of course the ideal solution, but I am mostly thinking of the people who
          a) can’t bridge the distance between PC and TV. Not everyone has either a close enough setup or the ability to span a cable
          -and-
          b) want to still be able to use the computer for something else, maybe have someone browse the internet on it while someone else uses computational power to play on the TV.
          Otherwise of course it’s much easier just to hook up directly, though it may make it a bit complex to use periphery, considering the short range of wireless desktop and such.

        • Pgoodso says:

          @Effigy_Power:disqus That’s interesting. What you’re basically describing, then, is Windows Media Center, but for games. Which I DID use for a while to stream my movies from my PC to my Xbox. Hm. Interesting idea!

    • There are tons of games that I’d love to see get surprise sequels, so I won’t single any one out.

      My ideal new game would be bright and colorful, have lots of wide open spaces to explore, and have dialogue trees. If there is combat, it should allow for lots of variety in how I build my character(s).

      In other words, I want Level 5 and Double Fine to make an RPG together.

    • Electric Dragon says:

      Ideally: Valve announcing HL3 is complete, and declaring that it will be on sale from tomorrow.

      Failing that, a casual mention from Valve that no, they haven’t completely forgotten about Gordon Freeman and yes, they are still intending to release Half Life 3/HL2:Episode 3 at some point before the heat death of the universe.

    • Merve says:

      No One Lives Forever 3 and/or Jade Empire 2.

    • Flying_Turtle says:

      Microsoft announces Xbox Live Granite Memberships, where you can pay to get the Xbox One to leave you the hell alone.

      That or Darklands 2.

    • Effigy_Power says:

      Also: That the game-business world pulls its combined head out of its combined ass and someone do something with the Dungeon Keeper license.
      Even a HD remake of DK2 would be beyond glorious.

  3. stakkalee says:

    Next year lets remember to place our bets on the Murder Report totals before E3.  Oh well, live and learn.
    Our most commented article this week was John’s thorough takedown of Microsoft’s E3 press conference with 206 comments.  And here’s our Top 5 Most Liked (non-KG) Comments:
    1) @The_Helmaroc_King:disqus gets 44 likes for revolutionizing outside the box.
    2) With 40 likes @cloks:disqus applies ice water to that burn.
    3) @Chalkdust_TMAI:disqus gets 32 likes for spoiling the joke.
    4) With 31 likes Electric Dragon (@google-6108c5611fbc5b86af5df565c4b4b048:disqus) channels his inner Colonel Mustard.
    5) And @vinnybushes:disqus gets 29 likes for making a connection.
    We have 3 new members of the Plaid Jacket Society today, so everyone give it up for @Jon_Benson:disqus, @Xtracurlyfries:disqus and Phillip Collector (@google-69578f6e8287195327b556eae9f46139:disqus)!  Come on down folks and pick up your plaid jackets!  And now for our returning members.  @NakedSnake:disqus gets his first stud for his second mention!  @vinnybushes:disqus is getting a third stud!  @Merve2:disqus, that wizard of death statistics, gets his fourteenth stud!  @Spacemonkey_Mafia:disqus unlocks the “Let’s Get Drunk!” achievement with his 21st stud!  @CaspianComic:disqus gets his 22nd stud, and the sweet flower of the Plaid Jacket Society, @Effigy_Power:disqus, is back in the hunt with her 24th stud!  Well done one and all!
    And now, it’s Linkdump: “One Art Please!” edition!  Check out this Mario/GTA mashup!  Or perhaps these gorgeous Legend of Zelda posters are more your style?  And if anyone is in the LA area you may be interested in checking out the new show at iam8bit Gallery!  Until next week, enjoy your gaming and remember to keep it scintillating!

    • Chalkdust says:

      Haha, I’m glad my turnabout humor was so well-received.  For the art dump, don’t forget that we also had some original content coming to us from our very own Spacemonkey Mafia!

    • vinnybushes says:

       I’m pretty sure AJA will curse my name until his dying breath, but I couldn’t help it. It’s just so silly.

      • Hardly, Vin! Stupid Nintendo. Here’s the score: 3DS demo units were directly behind the stage there. I waited for a good 20 minutes for some of that sweet, sweet Zelda: Link Between Worlds. I play for 30 seconds and then the try to kick me off. “Everyone has to watch the presentation!” Oh yeah? Well this is as far as I’m moving for your wacky fighting game.

        Masuhiro Sakurai is old enough to know better about wearing a snakeskin-pattern shirt, I might add.

        • vinnybushes says:

          That makes a lot of sense. Stupid loud shirt wearing attention whoring Nintendo. I would have been pretty pissed to have the new Zelda yanked from my hands and forced to listen to the cheesiest narrator in E3 history. If that’s the case, then you were pretty punk-rock about it.

    • HobbesMkii says:

      I almost fell off the Likes leaderboard this week, but I’ve managed to claw my way back past Fluka into 4th place. Will I ever find my way back into 1st? Stay tuned to find out!

      • Fluka says:

        Whoa whoa whoa whoa.  We have an overall Likes leaderboard?

        Also, *slams dagger into table in front of Hobbes.* 

        • HobbesMkii says:

          If you go up to the top of the comments section, there’s a box between the place that turns red if you’ve got new replies and the box that says “DISQUS” that’s called the Community Board. It tracks the Top 5 commenters and the Top 5 liked commenters, as well as some various statistics about the GS.

          It’s how we kept score before @stakkalee:disqus came along.

        • Fluka says:

          @HobbesMkii:disqus 

          THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

        • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

          Whoa.  I had no idea I was so beloved by the faceless hordes of the internet.  Why are they not laying down cat memes and celebrity panty shots at my feet in supplication?

        • HobbesMkii says:

          @Fluka:disqus Well, see, no not really. Because it’s the old way of doing everything. Stak changed everything. So that would be like a return to the status quo that existed before Stak’s tracking. Plus, it’s always existed. It’d be more like changing nothing, if you think about it.

        • Effigy_Power says:

          Never let them know your intentions, Flukes. If you slam a dagger into the table, you better have an axe hanging over his neck.

        • Fluka says:

          @Effigy_Power:disqus This is why House Fluka will never sit on the Iron Throne.

        • Spacemonkey Mafia says:

          House Fluka

          We Do Not ‘Like’

        • Merve says:

          Once upon a time, I was the fifth most liked commenter. Then @Fluka:disqus clawed her way into my position with her feline ferocity.

          I’ve been planning my revenge for months. *tents fingers*

        • Fluka says:

          @Spacemonkey_Mafia:disqus Hey man, I payed the iron price for each and every one of those Likes!  A fact that @Merve2:disqus knows well.

        • SamPlays says:

          @Fluka:disqus & @Effigy_Power:disqus Forget hanging axes. We need hall doors closing and small orchestras playing “Rains of Castamere”. Knowing there is an overall “likes” leaderboard makes me feel like Tyrion.

          Thats it, I can’t compete with the 18-25 demographic. Where’s my Robaxacet?

        • Effigy_Power says:

          Once House Effigy got into the fight (Motto: We have strategic satellites with kinetic bombardment capabilities), that game of thrones was over in a jiffy.
          I dry my laundry on that ugly chair now.

      • The_Helmaroc_King says:

        Well, la-de-da, Number 4. I’m 41st, but you don’t see me bragging about it, do ya?

    • Effigy_Power says:

      I was counting with two studs this week. We are not amused.
      That said, anything that lets me close in on Girard is good.

    • Electric Dragon says:

      You Liked me! You really Liked me!

      PS. That’s annoying. I thought Disqus had fixed the cartouche thing for Google logins.

      • The_Helmaroc_King says:

        The cartouche (I assume you mean the “google-…” thing) shows your chosen name after you comment in the same thread. It’s the same thing with the name lookup; if you “@” somebody before they comment in the thread, you can only go by username, but after they comment their name will show up.

        • Electric Dragon says:

          Disquuuss!! How difficult can a name lookup be to implement?

          Ah well, at least I get an avatar now.

    • doyourealize says:

      I have a picture of you at your computer, to your right a huge sheet of graph paper stuck to the wall with Gameological handles and associated likes and Soupy mentions. The graph paper is filled out in pencil.

  4. Fluka says:

    New Conan Clueless Gamer!  And there is a surprise character!

    • ferrarimanf355 says:

      No offense, but Conan isn’t my thing anymore. Now it’s Chelsea Lately for my late night fix, followed by the Colbert Report.

    • Effigy_Power says:

      I liked watching it for a while, but then he did that creepy Lara Croft death-orgy (for which half the blame goes to the game itself)… that was unsettling.
      Apart from that I am not yet sure if he’s making fun of himself or us as gamers… it’s hard to tell with Conan.

      • Fluka says:

        Oh god, the Lara Croft episode was awful, agreed.  The series has been at its best when it actually had some fairly incisive commentary on the games in question – e.g., the weird AI of Hitman, or the general disappointing-ness of Resident Evil.  This one’s not bad – it’s mostly just him getting beaten up by Aquaman.

  5. Merve says:

    Since so many commenters expressed interest in getting into the Saints Row series, the complete PC version of Saints Row: The Third is retailing at Green Man Gaming for $10 US when you apply the coupon code GMG20-6WUSQ-LBC4U at checkout. Happy mayhem, everyone!

    • Roswulf says:

       Thanks Merve, that’s just what I’ve been waiting for.

      Given that lately I’ve been aggressively skeezed out by games full of indiscriminate slaughter (most notably Bioshock Infinite, but also Hotline Miami) I’m curious if Saints Row will trigger my “won’t somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN?” sense.

       I’m guessing not.

    • NakedSnake says:

       Can we do saints row for the next gaming club, or whatever?

  6. Merve says:

    Disqus has gone mad and is now allowing us to ‘like’ our own posts. Prepare for the impending apocalypse.

    • Fyodor Douchetoevsky says:

      I don’t like the sound of this…

    • Mercenary_Security_number_4 says:

       I noticed this.  I don’t know what to do.  If I like my own post, I will seem vain.  If I don’t like my own post, I will seem unsure.  I mean, who wouldn’t like what they are saying?  Why would they say it if they don’t think it was worth saying?  But who would be so vain as to give themselves an award, no matter how small, simply for sharing their own opinion.  “Way to go, self!”  My therapist might encourage such a thing, but in the real world that’s just odd!  Now I can’t even bring myself to finish writing, because as soon as I do the “like” button will be staring me in the face, forcing me to fall into either pride or self-hating despair.  No, it is pretty clear that the only thing I can do is never observe this as a finished statement.  I must place my mouse over the “post” button, and then turn off my monitor before I click it, and then “alt+F4” before turning my monitor back on, and then never enter this article again.  It is the only way to avoid being damned.