Sawbuck Gamer

Cole Slaw

Sore Loser

Second place isn’t an option in Cole Slaw.

By Anthony John Agnello • August 26, 2013

Sawbuck Gamer is our daily review of a free or cheap game ($10 or less).

“Do not take games too seriously.” Parents proffer that sage advice to kids because they need it bad. When a 4-year-old strikes out in kickball, they’re liable to go ballistic. Who can blame them? They have no context for this extreme emotional conflict. They just want to win. The lead character in Cole Slaw was probably raised by some crap parents—that might explain such murderous response to losing a foot race.

Cole Slaw starts with a 1,000-meter dash. All you have to do is push buttons when prompted to stop yourself from tripping. It’s nice to succeed at a simple task, and Slaw hooks your brain in the opening seconds as you see that finish line approaching. Then, at no fault of your own, you fall. Your victory is shattered, and the real game begins, with a prompt to blow up the winner’s podium. Now the goal is to chase down the groin-kicking sneak who’s trying to run off with your trophy.

Slaw is an inspired embodiment of toddler rage. Rather than lose with grace, you run after the jerk who beat you, stabbing everything in your path with a golden sword. The further you get down the track, though, the more obstacles pop up, from motorcycles to Elton John. Get knocked down by too many, and you break your pelvis. Seeing what pops out to stop you is the best part of Slaw, so don’t expect a rewarding game of skill. It’s fine to not take it too seriously.

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5 Responses to “Sore Loser”

  1. MintBerry_Crunch says:

    Tripped?! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻)

    I was pleased with the quantity of staby-ness, but it’s hard as heck timing some of those attacks.

  2. boardgameguy says:

    Has anybody played the game it recommended playing before this? Does it actually make Cole Slaw make more sense?