Keyboard Geniuses

Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs

Of Pigs And Men And Pigmen

Highlights from the week’s comment threads.

By Matt Kodner • September 20, 2013

Keyboard Geniuses is our weekly glance at a few intriguing, witty, or otherwise notable posts from the Gameological discussion threads. Comments have been excerpted and edited here for grammar, length, and/or clarity. You can follow the links to see the full threads.

Pig Power
Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs

Drew Toal reviewed Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs, which is apparently not an adaptation of this video of a pig on a treadmill. Either way, Drew got spoooooked out by Amnesia but didn’t experience the full-on horror he was expecting. The Misanthrope swung by, armed with some Stephen King, to argue that “horror” might not be the best descriptor here:

“Horror” as a term to describe this kind of genre is really overused. I tend to go with the three orders that Stephen King establishes in his book Danse Macabre: Terror, Horror, and Revulsion. Revulsion is just the cheap gross-out, gag-reflex response, the lowest (but easiest to write) order. Horror is the anxiety that come with seeing something so strange and unnatural that you can’t process it rationally. Terror is the overwhelming dread before horror, the overwhelming sensation that something is capital-W Wrong. The dividing line between horror and terror is sometimes tricky, but I think this quote from the book best sums it up:

“The Horror: the unnatural, spiders the size of bears, the dead waking up and walking around, it’s when the lights go out and something with claws grabs you by the arm. And the last and worse one: Terror, when you come home and notice everything you own had been taken away and replaced by an exact substitute. It’s when the lights go out and you feel something behind you, you hear it, you feel its breath against your ear, but when you turn around, there’s nothing there…”

In The Wake Of Wind Waker
Wind Waker HD

In other Drew Toal news, last December he wrote about the crowdsourced LA Game Space, a safe environment for experimental game making. A million months later (this week) the project released its first batch of indie games. They may not have made Drew’s new-release roundup, but luckily Kyle O’Reilly filled us in:

Also, not a commercial release per se, but the LA Game Space are putting out the first wave of their experimental indie game pack. Even if you didn’t donate to the Kickstarter, you can still get the pack for 15 bucks, which is cool.

I think of it as a nice counterbalance to Grand Theft Auto V. It’s amazing that in the same week I can pick up a media powerhouse that encompasses a living, breathing world and reportedly cost over $200 million, and then I can download a bunch of outsider, experimental art-games that look like they had a budget consisting of thick-rimmed glasses, pita chips and Kraftwerk LPs. I’m equally excited for both.

Okay, so maybe Drew didn’t talk about these wacky new games from a couple of wily upstarts. What’s important is that he did riff on Nintendo’s HD re-release of The Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker. It’s not as easy to find Wind Waker haters now, but let’s not forget about the preening shitstorm a young internet threw before its release. Dr. Flim Flam reminisced over his time in the Gamespot forum front lines:

I was a Gamespot moderator at the time. Yes, people hated that game as if it had found a tax error in the government’s favor and also invented the not-yet-published Twilight “saga.”

GaryX then linked us to the negative player reviews, which must be read to be believed:

Check out the old Metacritic user reviews.

This space is usually reserved for highlights from Gameological’s own comments, but given GaryX’s revelation, why don’t we take a quick break and revisit some of the Metacritic readership’s frothiest, unedited diatribes against Wind Waker from 2003? Because they are incredible. Dackbar controversially rated the game as a 1 out of 10:

I am over the age of 12, so this game is not made for me. It has some good ideas so I gave it a 1. Other then that the game is just Dorra the Explorer back pack adventures but on the gamecube.

Glad to see ideas weighed so heavily in the grading. OmegaB2 gave it a 2, despite not owning the system required to play it:

I can’t believe this……… they could have made this game look so awsome! i mean……… is nintendo thinking!? It looks like they designed the game for 6 year old kids……… NINTENDO, you guys better get your act together or i forsee gamecube not making it to gamecube 2. Thank God i bought a Ps2 instead! I mean i was gonna get a GC (just for Zelda)…… i’m glad i didn’t!

Sadly, Omega was right. We never did see a gamecube 2. If only Nintendo had listened! At the very least, Omega would be proud to see that the hate torch still burns bright today, because earlier this year, Gayfish shocked the world and gave Wind Waker a big old goose egg.

This game didn’t look or feel like a Zelda game to me. Looks like it’s a game for babies. Sailing in the ship was just a nuisance and I wish they did it some other way.

Hmm. A game for babies? On second thought, let’s not go to Metacritic. It is a silly place. Back to you, geniuses!

Very Heated
Super Hot

For Sawbuck Gamer, yours truly wrote up a super-hot browser game called Super Hot. The inventive shooter features a bit of a stale ending (JohnnyLongtorso likened it to BioShock), and ItsTheShadsy pushed back against games that use similar endings as a crutch:

I feel like that variety of twist—the kind that suggests that your actions were motivated by something else sinister—is an easy way for developers to write off the violence and horror portrayed in their games. Like (OLD SPOILERS) the ending of Crackdown, which gives you some distance to the fact that you just killed thousands of people.

It’s [admirable] that developers are now realizing that they need to address the intensity of the violence in their games, but recent attempts to contextualize it feel like post-hoc excuses. It’s like when filmmakers aped Tarantino to make their dark and violent movies seem more artistically acceptable.

I haven’t played Super Hot, so I don’t know exactly how it ends. I could be extrapolating everything wrongly from your one sentence. But it seems that its fetishization of violence is the whole point. If that’s the game you wanted to make, why apologize for it? I would much rather see games like this take the Hotline Miami route and fully embrace their chaos and depravity.

Please With The Papers
Papers, Please

If you haven’t checked out this week’s episodes of our video chat-’n’-chew show, The Digest, what’s wrong with you?! John Teti confabulated with assistant editor Matt Gerardi about Papers, Please, a bleak bureaucracy/immigrations desk simulator. The game makes you decide who can enter your pitiable country, and John and Matt agreed that detaining folks for minor paperwork errors was harrowing. But CrabNaga didn’t see eye to eye with them:

I disagree with them on the idea that detaining people is bad unless they are a proven criminal. My rule of thumb, much like the first rule of gun safety (all guns are loaded), is that all discrepancies are malicious. I’d constantly wonder whether someone I let through was a criminal, terrorist, or drug dealer whenever I don’t have the opportunity to search or question them due to their documents being in order. The game instilled this bout of paranoia that everyone I meet is probably a terrorist. This isn’t helped by the fact that (SPOILERS) you’ll occasionally let someone through who then proceeds to suicide bomb the interior guards and bring the day to a screeching halt.

Elsewhere, duwease made the case for more games that push the medium forward:

I really enjoyed Papers, Please, and I think it highlights a very interesting aspect of the games medium that merits further exploration. I’m of the philosophy that people’s actions are heavily influenced by the incentive structures that they’re placed into, and the experience of playing Papers is something I count as evidence towards that philosophy.

It’s one thing to see a movie about a person struggling to balance the demands of his society with his personal morals, familial obligations, and basic needs…but I’d argue it’s an entirely different situation to be placed directly into a recreation of that incentive structure and forced to make the decisions yourself. It’s often surprising what choices you make when you’re put into a situation for the first time, and games like Papers, Please or Spent do a good job of creating the situation for you.

It’s an exploration that I think creates empathy, or at least understanding, and it’s unique to the games medium. I’d love to see more games attempt to leverage this special attribute of the medium. If the results are anywhere as good as Papers, Please, we could have some real gems.

[You’re a man after my own heart, duwease —Ed.]

Front To Back
Super Mario Bros.

We delved into which games we not only revisit, but enjoy replaying from start to finish for this week’s Q&A. A lot of folks went with childhood games because now we are all working boys and girls without unlimited gobs of time. Ocelotfox likewise looked back to a game that had to be played front to back out of necessity:

So, I had a copy of Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest that, after I had owned it for two months, was unable to keep save files. So every time I played, I’d have to play through the game from the very beginning. My eight-year-old self was not above doing this, so I ended up playing through the whole game at least 20 or so times (mostly with friends who’d come over and get angry that I had no save data). And once I got it on Virtual Console on the Wii, I played through it another three times. It’s not my favorite game (though it’s definitely up there), but I always loved that a flaw in the actual product made me play it more often.

And MathleticDepartment took to mopping the computer’s nonliteral floor in a slamming ’90s basketball game:

Mine is NBA Jam: Tournament Edition, and it isn’t even close. Does it count [even though] I usually just played exhibition games? I say yes.

What started out as “Hey, this is fun” quickly turned into “Hey, what’s the biggest margin of victory I can get no no no that’s not good enough try again.” I was mostly interested in how quickly I could score, get the ball back, and score again, so I would constantly replay the game until I could reduce as much waste as possible and maximize the humiliation of my CPU-controlled opponent. As I type this, I find that my chosen career path (process engineering) is essentially a real-life, higher-stakes version of this process.

The real tragedy is that I cannot enjoy the game anymore. I bought the Xbox Live version and couldn’t even play through a game without returning to old habits.

Well, folks, that’s it. Thanks everybody for reading and commenting, and we’ll see you next week.

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84 Responses to “Of Pigs And Men And Pigmen”

  1. SamPlays says:

    The boards seem kind of light this week. Such is life in a post-GTA V world where people are too busy killing, stealing and be even more degenerate than usual. (In)c’est la vie.

    • DrFlimFlam says:

      Conversely, the mentions for the commentariat are very high.

      Giving the people what they want. Very clever, Gameological.

    • Citric says:

      Well I’m barely posting because I’m busy fighting off some kind of horrible disease. I think it involves ear infections, it’s not very nice.

      • SamPlays says:

        Get better soon. Ear infections are the worst.

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      • Girard says:


        If “small children” count as a horrible disease.

        Welp, back to lesson planning!(Seriously, do feel better!)

        • ProfFarnsworth says:

          Small children also count as a vector for horrible disease!  Stay healthy @paraclete_pizza:disqus !  Also, @Citric:disqus I hear that warm showers work well.

        • Girard says:

          @ProfesorFarnsworth:disqus Oh, heavens, don’t I know it. The night before I taught my first full lesson in this school, I went to bed at 9:30, expecting to get a nice, full, 8+ hour night’s sleep to be super-rested and ready. And I woke up at 1:00 AM with a sore throat that wouldn’t let me fall back asleep.

        • DrFlimFlam says:

          Children are the beasts of burden for illness. I had forgotten that until my son started school last year and I got four or five colds during the school year. I just hope that means the worst round is out of the way.

      • Bakken Hood says:

        As a lifelong sufferer of chronic otitis externa (I take it you’re fighting with something much worse), I feel a small part of your pain.  Good luck.

        • Citric says:

          Well whatever I’ve got is temporary at least, so that’s good – I think I’m on the mend side of it now. Basically something involving lots of fatigue – I spent the majority of Thursday sleeping – all the mucus in the world, a pretty high fever and something up with my ears that seems to be the most persistent part. I guess the best way to describe that part is I feel like I’m underwater and also a man is slowly stabbing me in that area.

          One weird thing is thanks to a bizarre fever dream, I conceptualized a YA novel and devised a weird theory about all stories about robots being about our fear of parenting. This is what happens to me when I’m running a fever.I also like to complain when I’m sick, because it’s a vital part of any recovery process.

    • HobbesMkii says:

      I’m concerned about what the Metacritic quotes mean for Stak’s rankings.

      • Unexpected Dave says:

        I say that since they don’t have Disqus accounts, the Metacritic users ought to be ineligible for a plaid jacket.

      • stakkalee says:

        We’re ignoring them!  Freaking Kodner…

        Damn, but those Metacritic reviews put those butthurt reviews to shame.

      • SamPlays says:

        As someone who has expertise in methodological issues related to measurement, I can attest that Stakalee’s rankings, though rigorous, are limited at best. That said, I hope he hands out plush toys to everyone who got mentioned in the GTA V Q&A.

  2. Spacemonkey Mafia says:

    Weekend Prompt!
       So it seems next Monday Steam is teasing a revolution in the way those of us who don’t have HDMI output equipped pc’s near our televisions play games.
       No longer will you have to balance on that shitty Ikea office chair with the missing wheel to enjoy Team Fortress 2. Soon you will be able to enjoy it in the comfort of that shitty Barcalounger you got off the curb that you think a mouse may have died in.
       Combine that with the possibility of Steam introducing a library lending policy, and things just might get crazy.
       What piece of gaming technology or change in gaming policy -either promised or completely speculative- would you love to see?

    • DrFlimFlam says:

      I’d love that very one. We just put a new TV in at the FlimFlam Flophouse, so to output in the living room without more cables would be a great thing. I need to see Papers, Please writ large.

    • Unexpected Dave says:

      Like most people, I’d love to see an exhaustive digital archive to preserve games and make them available in perpetuity.

      • DrFlimFlam says:

        I know it’s somewhat unrealistic due to changing hardware and software, but as someone who is slowing down on the purchase front and wanting to spend more time with my old games, it does feel like a losing battle. Better play those 360 games by 20XX, because you may not be able to play them later, and if a developer can’t keep a game updated for Windows 2100, you may not be able to play it then either.

        I’m glad companies like GOG exist top help protect users against that, but it feels more than ever like games are in a shaky state of long life support.

      • caspiancomic says:

         Oh man, you said the exact same thing I did in 1/100th the space and didn’t sacrifice any of the meaning. I feel like a bit of a sucker.

    • caspiancomic says:

       I’ve got a couple of truly ludicrous pipe dreams re: changes in gaming policy, none of which are likely to actually happen since they prioritize accessibility and benefits to the consumer rather than the publishers.

      I guess if I had to pick one, it’d be an actually functional effort towards video game conservation? The way gaming works these days, older titles vanish too easily. Older console generations have only their most economically viable titles preserved for future generations, and too often companies seem perfectly happy to let old IPs disappear into the mists of time. This is a nuisance right now, but how many games are going to vanish permanently if nobody makes an effort to make them available to new players? There’s a big stink being raised about Suikoden II being unavailable for purchase on PSN, and that game can sell for hundreds of dollars on eBay- how is a new player supposed to familiarize his or herself with that game if they feel that way inclined?

      I’m not even sure how such a thing would be accomplished. Maybe a third party organization specifically dedicated to ensuring games from previous generations remain accessible in some way? Like by running a sort of central gaming library, or seed bank, or whatever? Maybe juggernauts like Sony or Microsoft could incentivize publishers to make their back catalogues available on their respective download services? Or maybe something truly drastic, like having the software of previous console generations released into the public domain (or at least eliminating the potential legal repercussions of software emulation?)

      Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that books written hundreds of years ago can still be read today, but games that are even ten years old are vanishing forever and nobody seems all that bothered. Left to their own devices the publishers only care about their old intellectual property if there’s still money in it. So I guess I’d say a concerted effort to keep old games accessible to the masses.

      • SamPlays says:

        Yes, the lack of backward compatibility, regular format turnover and long-term competition between proprietary technologies will hopefully one day be looked upon by a future society as incredibly dumb and wasteful to the medium. 

      • Aurora Boreanaz says:

        Definitely.  Archives for all media are of prime importance now.  It still saddens me to know that the majority of Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show broadcasts (and a lot of other shows pre-1980 or so) are lost forever, because nobody at the time thought they would be wanted.

      • The_Misanthrope says:

         If I were to draw an rough comparison to film preservation, I’d say we’re still in the “using cheap, flammable film stock” stage.  It’s not an exact comparison since film doesn’t have generations, per se (yes, they are several different formats) or competing platforms.

        Sadly at this point, I think the only concerted efforts to game preservation will come from dedicated achivists.  Sure, studios will do “HD remakes” (I can’t make a one-on-one comparison to Ted Turner’s “colorization” of black-and-white movies, but there are some parallels) of beloved, well-remembered games, but they’ll let the obscure, difficult-to-port titles fall through the net.

      • huge_jacked_man says:

        You can thank pirates who’ve been preserving detailed archives of entire system libraries since the 80s. I used to own an Atari ST as a kid and with all my floppies dead and the publishers long gone all those games would be either irremediably lost, expensive collector items, or unplayable due to antique copy protection methods if it weren’t for them.

        • signsofrain says:

          Pirates are extremely important preservers of our cultural legacy in many areas, not just video games. TV, Movies, Music, live performances. I’m very grateful they exist.

    • Aurora Boreanaz says:

      I want full-blown virtual reality NOW, dammit.  Graphics tech is so close to realistic now that it’s feasible to get immersed in a game world via a headset, hand controllers and possibly even a treadmill system to simulate movement.  All of these things are in development by various companies and Kickstarter campaigns, but I want them all together and completely compatible, with the games and/or virtual worlds to accompany them.

    • His_Space_Holiness says:

      I’d like a change in gaming policy in which games and their hardware are given to me, specifically, for free.

      • caspiancomic says:

         I would also like for you to receive free hardware and games. We can make this happen! Contact your local government representatives!

    • stakkalee says:

      I want to see the next generation of immersive viewing technology – I want to see what comes after the Oculus Rift.  I think it will be revolutionary if Sony is actually serious about including some sort of headset-display with the PS4.

      • Fluka says:

        I’m betting that at some point in the semi-distant future we just cut out the middleman of peripherals, and just beam the game directly to the human brain.  Why bother with tricking your eyes and feet with headsets and treadmills when you can just stimulate those same feelings at the neurological source?  

        Of course, at this point the whole reality thing becomes super-confusing, philosophically speaking.  And we’ll probably fall apart as a species.  Oh well!

        • ProfFarnsworth says:

          MIT is working on something like this RIGHT NOW.  Unfortunately, I can’t remember where I read this…thus it must remain an unconfirmed rumor.  I also think that ultimately, this will be the “future” of immersive gaming.

        • Fluka says:

          @ProfesorFarnsworth:disqus Coooooooooooooool… *Invests in tin-foil hat!*

        • ProfFarnsworth says:

          Now I remember!  They are using this idea to connect some robotics to a young boy’s legs and allow him to kick a soccer ball during the next world cup. Since the robotics would be rather difficult to control using the “traditional” control scheme, MIT opted to have a “helmet” that used sensitive electrical components that scan the little boy’s head and use his “thoughts” to control the robotics.

        • Merve says:

          In case you needed another reason to wear a tinfoil hat, mind control is here.

    • Destroy Him My Robots says:

      Cross-platform online for multiplayer titles, please. Surely there’s someone on Sony/MS/Nintendo/PC hardware wanting to play a slightly older/niche fighting/puzzle/racing game or whatever at the moment. So just let us get that 4-person lobby filled up together, for crying out loud.

      • ProfFarnsworth says:

        This would be a really neat idea.  I wonder how some games would work out.  Specifically games that had console specific bonuses.

      • huge_jacked_man says:

        Online cross platform is notoriously difficult to implement and so is balancing a game that would allow PC players to play against console players. With the next gen consoles being basically PCs though I expect to see a lot more cross platform titles. With WoW on the decline a publisher could make a killing with a succesful PS4/XB1/PC MMORPG. 

        • Destroy Him My Robots says:

          For the genres I mentioned balancing shouldn’t be a huge problem. What I specifically had in mind was a) playing Sonic All-Stars Racing Transformed on Steam and only getting half full lobbies and being pretty sure that some console players had the exact same issue at the exact same moment and b) not once having found someone to play Super Puzzle Fighter on PSN with. As far as shooters are concerned, grouping by control type seems to make more sense than by platform. Someone who plays Max Payne 3 on PC with a 360 pad has more in common with someone who plays on X360 than someone who plays on PC with a mouse, I think.

          If nothing else, I’d appreciate it if we could have a checkbox for “Search different platforms”, just like we can often search for players nearby or worldwide. You know that the results you’ll get might not be ideal, but at least you get results.

          Oh, and regarding MMORPGs: Final Fantasy 11 was PS2/PC/X360, 14 is PC/PS3/PS4, and Dragon Quest X is Wii/Wii U/PC. So that’s been happening for a while.

    • Girard says:

      I would love for there to be an actual, functioning, legal gaming library that provides democratic access to games – especially out of print games – the way traditional libraries do for book.

    • Merve says:

      I wish that an ESRB rating of AO weren’t a commercial death sentence. AO-rated games are banned from the major consoles as well as Steam; they can basically only be sold via a select few download sources.

      I know that the major platform holders are worried about an influx of porn games, but if they were genuinely interested in curating their libraries, they would be able to screen out content they deemed objectionable without relying on a system that slaps an AO rating on anything with a little too much sex or violence.

    • neodocT says:

      I’d love a Netflix-style service where we pay for free access to a large library of games, specially older games. I think it’d be a good alternative to emulators, if the service works and the selection is decent.

    • ProfFarnsworth says:

      I am definitely in the category for a Library of Games.  Having had to sit through a lecture today about the library at my Graduate institution, I really want a good library for ALL games.  Especially since really neat and fun games are disappearing from modern systems and never being brought back.  There needs to be some sort of repository for these cultural icons.  

      On a side note my grad. school has a copy of a book Galileo wrote by hand!  There has to be something like this for games! 

    • Effigy_Power says:

      I am actually really looking forward to get my hands on an Oculus Rift. The potential for immersion is just great and finally seems like an effort that might lead to something, unlike so many “VR Goggles” before.
      Skyrim, Mirror’s Edge, ArmA… the possibilities are endless.

      That said I’d crush a pair of those into fine dust myself for a great, serviceable 3D printer with great resolution.

      • huge_jacked_man says:

        Seconding the Oculus Rift. It is getting some great hands-on previews and is backed by people with solid industry experience with John Carmack signing on as CTO.

        Of course a lot of its success will depend on how stupid you look wearing it. 

      • DrFlimFlam says:

        I’m concerned the potential for barfing exceeds the potential for immersion.

        • Effigy_Power says:

          I have remained barf-free through bungee jumping, sailing in a medium storm and balancing on the edge of a high-rise.
          Unless the Rift feeds me half a bottle of Sake, I am hoping to be fine.
          But yeah, I get the issue with the dissonance between eyes and ear-drum. I am hoping that it won’t be so bad, the Mirror’s Edge video is pretty terrifying.

    • NakedSnake says:

      I have always longed for some kind of holographic display that leaps out of a controller. The ultimate in portable gaming. That would change everything.

    • huge_jacked_man says:

      Lagless motion controls.

      Kinect and Move are terrible because the technology is more cumbersome and less precise than the mouse, a device invented in the 70s. John Carmack made the point that these controls schemes are doomed to fail unless they become at least as responsive as a mouse and unfortunately we are a long way away. For all the complaining about the XB1’s compulsory Kinect inclusion it’s undeniable that forcing developers to make some use of it means we’ll see huge advances in terms of responsiveness and precision, much like we have seen with touchscreen tech in the past few years. Will it be enough? Maybe not this generation. But I’m looking forward to usable motion controls at some point in the future.

  3. stakkalee says:

    How the hell are we at the last week of September already?  Some fool’s been tearing pages out of the calendar as a prank, right?  At least it’s cooling off.  Our most commented article this week was the Q&A on the games we’ve replayed the most, with 289 comments.  And now our Top 5 Most Liked (non-KG) comments:
    1) With 34 likes @GaryX:disqus pwns some n00b.
    2) It’s @GaryX:disqus again, getting 31 likes for calling Rockstar Games the Orson Welles of Kurosawa homages, I think?
    3) Lots of people thought it, but @BaneOfPigs:disqus got 29 likes for saying it first.
    4) With 23 likes, Smilner (@disqus_Qy6mB3t2lG:disqus) pulls a Homer.
    5) @WafflesNSegways:disqus gets 18 likes for pointing out this glaring flaw.
    Good stuff, one and all.  And now the plaid jackets.  We have 2 new members today, so welcome aboard @JohnnyLongtorso:disqus and @MathleticDepartment:disqus!  And our returning members:  @OcelotFox:disqus is getting his first stud for his second Soupy selection!  @CrabNaga:disqus gets a third stud, @GaryX:disqus gets his fourth, @DrFlimFlam:disqus and @ItsTheShadsy:disqus are each at five, @duwease:disqus gets his sixth, @KyleOReilly:disqus gets an eighth stud, and @The_Misanthrope:disqus gets number 10!
    And for the Linkdump, have 3 links!  First up, Pop Chart Labs release this awesome Nebula of NES Games grouping over 700 of the titles from the original NES into this wonderful visualization.  Next, here’s a video of Nintendo audio played by robots on real instruments.  Finally, from Gamescom 2013 comes a video of 974 simultaneous runs on a custom Super Mario Brothers level. Watch it – it’s mesmerizing.  That’s it for this week.  Enjoy your gaming, and remember to keep it scintillating!

    • SamPlays says:

      Hold on, I think I need some clarification on how you define “new members” and precisely when “plaid jackets” get awarded. Johnny has been around for at least a year and Mathletic is newer but has been posting for what seems like several months now. Is there a link to the game rules, policies and regulations?

      • stakkalee says:

        Rules?  Regulations?  Much too formal for a game where we vie for attention from a cat.  The first time you’re selected by Soupy you get your plaid jacket.  Every subsequent selection nets you a stud.  Your selection in the Keyboard Geniuses article needs to include both a bolded name AND a link to your comment.  We also keep track of assists, so even though JLT is only getting his plaid jacket today he already has 2 points for assists, where one of his comments acted as a springboard to get another comment noticed by this fickle feline.  So yeah, ‘new’ isn’t really the most appropriate descriptor since there are several people who’ve been commenting here for the life of the site who didn’t get their plaid jackets until much later.

      • MathleticDepartment says:

        The rule book is right behind you

        *grabs jacket, runs away*

    • The_Misanthrope says:

       To be honest, the credit for my stud goes to Stephen King.  I’ll be accepting in his absence.

    • JohnnyLongtorso says:

      Fame at last!

  4. duwease says:

    Strange.. “Out This Week” seems to have disappeared into the limbo between the front page and the “Older” page.  

    It looks like “Out This Week” is…

    *removes sunglasses*

    ..out this week.

  5. “This game is for babies” is by far my favorite non-criticism ever and I’m glad we have found an instance of it naturally occurring in the wild.

    • Fluka says:

      I vote for that, and “The game is just Dorra the Explorer back pack adventures but on the [insert platform here]”, to enter the Gameological Registry of Memes.  

      *Begins to plan how to incorporate this into her comments on Monday’s GTA V review…*

      • Merve says:

        That could get dangerous real fast:

        “The game is just Dorra the Explorer back pack adventures but on the back of a laser-shark.”

        • ProfFarnsworth says:

          Why isn’t this happening right now?  Seriously I thought Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon was something along those lines, until I saw other wise.  I really need to invent those laser sharks…

      • Effigy_Power says:

        You can’t set up jokes like that, Flukes.
        I’ve had a “John Travolta is fat” joke in the makes for the longest time, but have yet not found a situation for…

        Battlefield Girth.

        Sometimes masterworks are made before their time.

      • Unexpected Dave says:

        This game is just Dorra the Explorer car jack adventures but more realistic i.e. guns and hookers i.e. like real mexi

    • Brainstrain says:

      Me and my friends (my friends and I) use the phrase “baby game for babies” on the regular to justify a rage-quit.

      We are not very good at video games.

  6. Drinking_with_Skeletons says:

    It’s always fascinating to review those old, terrible anti-Wind Waker reviews.  The really sad thing is that it’s not as if the game is flawless; I walked away from it when I did a little mental math to determine just how much time and effort it seemed it was going to take to reassemble the Triforce. 

    Actually, long-term opinion of Zelda games is pretty interesting.  For me, Twilight Princess initially seemed like a cold rehash of Ocarina of Time, minus that game’s most interesting features (why couldn’t Wolf Link use his howl to function like the Ocarina?).  A second playthrough, however, had me appreciating what it was doing quite a bit more.  Meanwhile, Skyward Sword started off as a promising entry in the series, but I became increasingly disappointed with it the more I played, though I think it set the standard for boss fights going forward.

    Anyone else have thoughts on how the series has progressed and been received over time?

    • DrFlimFlam says:

      I just like a handful of them and find the endless iterations kind of strange.

      Basically, anything related to Link to the Past, Wind Waker, or Link’s Awakening = good. I like my Link fanciful.

      • stepped_pyramids says:

        Link’s Awakening is the best game in the series. You heard me.

        LttP is very close, but the humor of Link’s Awakening – and the mappable A/B controls – puts it over the top for me.

    • AFGNCAAP says:

      I’ve always thought the twin GB color Zelda games (Oracle of Seasons and Oracle of Ages) were some of the best.  It seems those two have been mostly forgotten, though.  I recommend checking them out if you are a Zelda fan!

      • GhaleonQ says:

        Forgotten only by fools.  Only by fools.  Fun fact: Skyward Sword was Flagship person’s 1st game after those and The Minish/Mysterious Cap.  How’d you like that one?

        • Drinking_with_Skeletons says:

           I agree that the GB color games were the best in the series, but I kind of think Skyward Sword was the worst.  They were made by the same people?

  7. huge_jacked_man says:

    I wish they’d remake Wind Waker for the 3DS. That art style would look great with the 3D. 

    • Citric says:

      Also, as I have a 3DS now but can’t quite justify getting a Wii U, I would be able to play Wind Waker again.

      • huge_jacked_man says:

        Do you own WW for gamecube? You can emulate it with Dolphin and it will look better than the HD remake.

        • Citric says:

          Don’t own it and my PC at the moment couldn’t run it. I’m waiting to upgrade for a bit since I have a feeling specs for things will jump a bit pretty soon.

  8. ocelotfox says:

    Yay, excited to see my comment got picked up this week!  Hope everyone else is enjoying the weekend, sponsored (or consumed) by GTA V.

  9. JokersNuts says:

    Tried playing GTA 5 again but it’s no use, Wind Waker HD is just too fun.