Pete StrackmeierVideo

Pete Strackmeier’s Living-Room Video-Game University: Get In “Touch” With Your Wii U

Nintendo’s new device is here to help.

By John Teti • October 2, 2013

It has been a while since we heard from Pete Strackmeier, the VHS game-tip joystick master. He was last seen hosting our Old-Time Treasure Appraise Show, and before that, he taught novice players how to set up a PlayStation 3. Pete told us he’s been distracted for the last year by litigation over royalties from a call-in tip service (“Dial-A-Pete”) he endorsed in the late ’80s. He’s happy to report that he won the suit, and the resulting windfall was just enough for him to purchase a used Wii U on eBay. He immediately set to work exploring the console and produced this indispensable video guide.

Share this with your friends and enemies

Write a scintillating comment

  • harry_horse

    Genius.  More of these please John.

    • The_Helmaroc_King

      Pete Strackmeier is the perfect ratio of confidence, cluelessness, and hair gel.

    • http://caspiancomic.com/gametheory caspiancomic

       Hail Strackmeier!

    • Effigy_Power

       That Pete Strackmeier is the Huell Howser of gaming.

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

        He’s the Angry Video Game Perd.

    • Sophia Jendrock

      My ­­ ­Uncle ­­ Andrew ­­ recently ­­ got ­­a  ­­ 6 ­­ month old Mercedes-Benz C-Class Convertible by working parttime from a macbook. Check This Out…

      W­W­W.W­O­ℛ­K­S­2­5.ℭ­O­M

      • Archdukechocula

        You mean I too can make money from erotic webcam shows by exposing my grotesquely hairy, sweaty man-flesh for unsuspecting strangers, all from the comfort of my own bridge hovel?!?! LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH!

  • Citric

    Somebody sure loves Andie McDowell!

  • HobbesMkii

    Production questions: Who played Chet? 

    In unrelated news, Why, yes! Gameological has a Rockstar Social Club Crew

    • Drew Toal

       I can field that. Chet is Keith, and Keith is Chet. His alter ego designed the Gameological logo.

      • Spacemonkey Mafia

        Chet/Keith does great design work.

        • Drew Toal

           To say nothing of his adroit use of power tools and ability to time things good.

        • Effigy_Power

          I remember the first time I drilled into a pipe wrench. Good times.

      • dreadguacamole

         He is the same Chet/Keith from the old crispygamer videos, isn’t he?
         Love (as always) the attention to detail in these videos – from the ridiculously obvious stock image to the mic cable in front of the gamepad. Awesome, awesome stuff.

      • NakedSnake

        Though he barely speaks in this video, I’m going to go ahead and call it: he’s from the mid-Atlantic, right?

        • Drew Toal

          Close! You definitely got the right country.

    • Drew Toal

       Pretty badass crew.

      • HobbesMkii

        You should see the sort of Cain we raise after getting into a six-pack of O’Douls!

    • HobbesMkii

       Apparently, you can edit the crew’s ranking titles within GTA Online. For instance, by default, Ranks 1-10 have the title of Thug, 11-20 are Hustler, 21-30 are Soldier, etc. etc. But we can make them customized.

      There are ten ranks. I’d welcome suggestions. Obviously, ranks 91-100 is going to be Stud Fiend.

      • The_Helmaroc_King

        “Johnny Boy” for 1-10. I mean, come on.

        • EmperorNortonI

           Wait a minute, isn’t it “Jhonny Boy?”

      • Electric Dragon

         Joystick Master should be top, surely? Stud Fiend below that. Other ranks (in no particular order) Keyboard Genius, Plaid Jacket.

      • Raging Bear

        Gameologue/Gameologician/Gameologicalist (one or more should be in there somewhere).

        Scintillating…schooter?

      • MathleticDepartment

        11-20 could be “Dorra the Explorer back pack adventurer”

        • HobbesMkii

          Unfortunately, that flies past the 16 character limit. Could do “D.T.E.B.P.A.”

      • duwease

        Since it’s GTA, and therefore the ranking is a loose rating of how much of a sociopath you are, I humbly submit “Effigy”

        • Effigy_Power

          You will hear from my lawyer for copyright infringement.
          Or a flock of angry griffons.
          Whichever seems a more measured approach.

      • duwease

        “Digest Food” for 11-20?  

        Actually, written like that it sounds more like a command than an adjective/noun combo..

        • ShrikeTheAvatar

          Digestible?

        • duwease

          @ShrikeTheAvatar:disqus , you’re a regular advertising genius!

      • HobbesMkii

        “Toal ‘Stache”

        What do we all think of that, and where should it go?

        • a_scintillating_comment

          Toal-tally cool. I’m down.

          Also, I agree with the others, Soupy needs a reference.

        • Raging Bear

          Where else? It should go on Toal’s upper lip!

          I’ll get me coat.

        • Effigy_Power

          Why not just Comment Cat?

        • HobbesMkii

          @Effigy_Power:disqus In place of a specific Soupy reference? Also, wouldn’t that make Keyboard Genius redundant?

        • Fyodor Douchetoevsky

          Leo Toalstoy

      • http://tmaiblog.wordpress.com/ Chalkdust

         41-50: Speedboat Owner

        • djsubversive

          Member of a family that owned a speedboat once, when he was much younger.

          Also, they stop waaay too slow.

        • http://tmaiblog.wordpress.com/ Chalkdust

           @djsubversive:disqus I was trying to figure out how to fit that into the rank name character limit… maybe “Speedboater Son”.

        • djsubversive

          @Chalkdust_TMAI:disqus ”My Dad Owned A Speedboat”? Is that too many characters? What about “Waaay Too Slow”?

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

        Suggestions:
        11-20: Cole Phelps; Soupy’s Apprentice
        41-50: FANBOY!!!!; Turnip Merchant; Pixel Artist
        71-80: MAXIMUM CHICKEN; Feline Fiend

        • EmperorNortonI

          Maximum Chicken needs to be on there, as the little Gameological Meme that couldn’t.

        • HobbesMkii

          @EmperorNortonI:disqus I ended up making it 71-80 as Merve put here.

      • Aurora Boreanaz

        Human(oid) Sweet Roll?

      • Sam_Barsanti

        *cough* Some kind of Bulletin reference *cough*

        • Sam_Barsanti

          Oh, jeez. Did I say that out loud? How embarrassing! 

        • The_Helmaroc_King

          “Watch out for that Barsanti, he’ll put a bulletin ya.”

        • HobbesMkii

          First it’s you, then we hear from Toal about Out This Week, then the next thing you know Derrick’s got Game That Tune in there, and then, before you can say “early 90s production values” we’ve got Sawbuck Gamer in there as well. Where does the madness end?

        • Drew Toal

          I’ve been growing Gameological mustaches since before you were even a gleam in your pappy’s eye.

      • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

        21-31 needs to constantly change from Gameologician to Gameologarino.

        • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

          Gameologicon
          Gameologinator
          Gameologifer
          Gameologicator
          Gameologi-san
          Gameologitor
          Gameologitator
          Gameologistrate

      • Unexpected Dave

        71-80: Scintillation

        • HobbesMkii

          I gave in to my sense of patronage and made it Maximum Chicken for now. I just didn’t update the listing here.

  • Spacemonkey Mafia

    “Who is Pete Strackmeier and why has he been granted power of attorney, custodian of our child in case of catastrophic event and sole beneficiary of our will?” My wife asks, perplexed.

    “You wouldn’t understand!” I yell, hot tears streaming down my face.

  • PaganPoet

    Where did you find the music for this? It’s so…apt… *stares in awe*

  • Fluka

    Showing that I either have excellent memory or am a vaguely stalkerish weirdo (or both!), isn’t one of those two miis the one automatically generated for Soupy?

    I missed this.

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/merve,96925/ Merve

      I’m shocked by how much that Mii looks like Soupy.

      • Fluka

        I know, right?  Damn facial recognizer did its job.

        • Citric

          Yet when I try to do the facial recognizing it poops out a cast member of Freaks. I mean, I might not be Captain Handsomepants over here, but I look recognizably human.

        • Fluka

          @Citric:disqus Have you tried being a cat instead?

  • Enkidum

    I love how poor the settings for the TV must be to make everything that blue. And the correction to add the “-San”. Lovely.

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/ghaleonq,4597/ GhaleonQ

      All I want this Christmas from The Gameological Society is Pete Strackmeier taking over the site for a week.  PLEASE.  I need to hear his opinions on all of the hottest titles!

      • The_Misanthrope

         ”And here we have Call of Duty Colon Ghosts from industry stalwarts Activity Vision, the plot of which revolves around you and your canine companion’s spoooooky misadventures in several haunted mansions.  Let’s have a look.”

        [cuts to footage of Call of Duty: Ghosts, with scan lines, as if taped off a television]

        “I’m sorry for the mix-up, but that appears to be footage from a military-based shooting-gallery game, with nary a specter, nor spook in sight.”

      • Electric Dragon

        Particularly “T.B.A.”. It’s the Game of the Year! (We just don’t know which year yet.)

      • http://caspiancomic.com/gametheory caspiancomic

         Articles written in-character as Strackmeier = 1000% increase in readership and ad revenue.

      • a_scintillating_comment

        Great idea!

  • Electric Dragon

    MARIO-BRAND GAME SUBSTANCE NO. 75-A is my favourite of the Mario games!

    • Aurora Boreanaz

      It’s especially fun when you play it on the HUMAN-TO-TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT INTERFACE 4.0.

    • Enkidum

      I busted a gut at that one.

  • http://caspiancomic.com/gametheory caspiancomic

     Get In “Touch” With Your Wii U will stand proud and tall next to the likes of The Godfather Part II and Toy Story 2 in the category of “sequels as good as or better than their predecessors.”

    I know it would dramatically devalue the meaning of the word “favourite” to claim that every part of this video was my favourite part, but I mean come on, how can a guy be expected to choose?

  • http://www.gildedgreen.com/ Girard

    I am slightly worried about Johnny-boy’s brains, guys. I think there might be a problem. With his brains.

    I mean, I loved how unhinged this was, but is watching the chief of the best videogame site out there succumb slowly to total madness a fair price to pay for hilarious internet videos?

    • http://www.avclub.com/users/ghaleonq,4597/ GhaleonQ

      Depends.  As long as the state is not degenerative, we get Mashed Potato Brains John indefinitely.  That’s a net win.  Apologies to Ms. Teti and Mom Teti.

  • Sa3ad

    I think my brain melted a little.

  • Everlasting_Godstabber

    I love this so much.

  • stakkalee

    This is brilliant John.  I started laughing at “Ugh!” (not a groan, you actually said ‘Ugh!’) and didn’t stop the whole way through.  Also, I had to pause the video at ‘A bowling-alley simulator for shut-ins.’ Because I was laughing so hard.

    • The Grand Galactic Inquisitor

      I really started to lose it at the before-and-after shots of cluttered gaming equipment.

  • ComradePig

    DAIKATANA IS ON STEAM EVERYONE. OUR PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED!

    • Fyodor Douchetoevsky

      So that’s gonna be the new Bad Rats, I guess? Wonderful.

  • dmikester

    So good.  ”Minigames that simulate fun” cracked me up more than anything else, but Strackmeier playing Wii Fitness for a second in the title credits was great too.

    • http://caspiancomic.com/gametheory caspiancomic

       The title credits are genius the whole way through. I think my favourite clip is of Mega Man jumping directly into a pit.

    • ApathyMonger

      I liked that one of the clips seems to be Superman 64.

  • snazzlenuts

    So, Mr. Teti, please tell us your true feelings about the Wii U.

    • TheOligarchicMe

      I don’t think it’s possible to have feelings about the Wii U. It’s like that episode of Coupling with Steve’s rant about how men can’t form opinions about cushions.

      • Effigy_Power

        So he’s undecided about spots? Is the WiiU fat litter? A pet for your tv?

  • Cloks

    Wow, I had no idea how small the screen on the Wii U’s joyplatter is. I assumed it stretched to the edges of the device.

    Great video!

  • ocelotfox

    “Do you have what it takes to beat the Joystick Master?  Uh…no.”

    Loved every second of it, well done Mr. Strackmeier!

  • PappyBojiggity

    I wholeheartedly endorse the Strack getting his own weekly show- 

    MORE STRACK!!!!

    • The Grand Galactic Inquisitor

      And it should be called Strack Attack!

      • PappyBojiggity

        A little too on the nose for Pete though, no?  ”Welcome, to the STRACK Offensive!”

        • The Grand Galactic Inquisitor

          Strack Down!

  • a_scintillating_comment

    Toal-tally cool dude.

    Also, Soupy has to get a mention in there somewhere. 

  • missmoxie

    Bravo!! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/jeremy.cusker Jeremy Cusker

    Okay, so the WiiU seems a little weak at present. People aren’t as enthused about it as perhaps Nintendo hoped they would be.

    Thing is, in 3-6 months, the XBoxU and PSU or whatever the heck they’re gonna be called will both be out and I think people aren’t really going to like *them* either. Oh sure, they’ll offer some tiny increment of graphical improvement. Promise more-realistic faces and explosions and blood and what not. They’ll both launch with a sport-y, football-y game and a shooty-murder-y scifi explode-y boom game that’ll promise to be ‘epic’ and what not. And there’ll be guns and robots or perhaps aliens or perhaps zombie and . . . um . . .

    Shit, thing is Super Mario 26B v6.7.0.3 is actually the LEAST derivative and warmed-over thing on the horizon right now. All PS/Xbox is promising is More Explosions or, Perhaps, More Dragons. All Hollywood’s got is more Star Wars, more Star Trek, more Harry Potter, more Jurassic Park. And when nobody likes what they do with those, there will be ‘reboots’ and reboots of reboots.

    Two years from now, I think the WiiU will be the *least* boring console out there and it’s candy-colored mini-games will be the *least* unappealing timewaster on the horizon.

    Death to Titanfall/Destiny. Long live NintendoWorld/CandyCrush.

    • Unexpected Dave

      woah there hitler

      I have no doubt that we’ll eventually see Pete Strackmeier puzzling his way through the PS4′s dashboard, and then trying to insert a Beta cassette into the Xbone.

      • djsubversive

        You mean the Piss-four, right?

        • Unexpected Dave

          Naturally.

    • Brainstrain

      I think Titanfall looks downright amazeballs, but the Wii U is still far and away the console I’m most interested in. Nintendo has all the franchises I like. Once they have some solid console-seller titles out like Super Smash and Mario I think third party folks will give it a second look.

      Maybe. Whatever. Nintendo can do bad all by itself.

  • djsubversive

    YAAAAAAAY STRACKMEIER!

    • Effigy_Power

      I am a’quiver with anticipation for the day Strackmeier dons an Oculus Rift.

      • The_Helmaroc_King

        “When you put on the Ocular Rift, you’ll consider it an ocular gift… for your eyes.” (pause) “Transport yourself to several realities, virtual or otherwise, such as this disembodied hand simulator or this Marie Antoinette role-playing game.”

        • Effigy_Power

          I am mostly looking forward to the terror screams.

  • boardgameguy

    I’ll happily join the Fan Club.

  • TheInternetSaid

    Those movie posters are perfect.  Almost as perfect as “Wii Uhh.”

    • Fluka

      I’m partial to “Zombie University”, myself!

  • F.Y. Jones

    Where’s the video?  Feeling kind of stupid but I can’t find it.

    • Unexpected Dave

      It shows up strangely on my browser, too. Try right clicking on the still image at the top of the article.

      • F.Y. Jones

        Thanks.  That did it.

      • http://www.avclub.com/users/ghaleonq,4597/ GhaleonQ

        Yep, it took me 5 minutes of random clicking before I got the last Digest to work on old Internet Explorer.

        Thanks!

  • Pepenator

    What?

  • http://gameological.com/author/jasonreich/ Jason Reich

    I’m not totally sure Octoroks are the monsters that stand in Pete’s way.

  • Glenn_the_Frog

    Please tell me Soupy was John’s cat as a child? That would make me extremely happy.

  • Chip Dipson

    So I bought a Wii U this weekend, and then I saw this video, and then I did that thing where you’re laughing and crying at the same time but this time was different because I wasn’t shoveling mint chocolate chip ice cream into my mouth.

    Also, I completely understand the jokes about the Wii U and the frustrations, because there is so much potential to this system that is being squandered. There are certain games in Nintendoland, once you get past the nightmare screen, that are a ton of fun, but then you take New Super Mario Brothers Wii U, and it’s just the same turtle murder we’ve played for the last, I don’t know, 49 years? That seems like the right amount of years.

    I am however, cautiously optimistic about the new Mario 3D land.