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A Japanese PlayStation Vita ad promises better living through apparent penguin murder

By John Teti • October 4, 2013

Since its launch, the Vita has often given the impression that it’s doomed to suffer the same slide into irrelevance that befell its predecessor, the PSP. But after filling out its library with an influx of cool indie games and a bunch of “Cross-Buy” titles—games like Guacamelee! (emphasis original) that give you both a Vita and a PlayStation 3 version with your purchase—the Vita has evolved into a nifty little accessory for game lovers. It’s not essential by any means, but neither is it a glossy brick of sadness like the PSP eventually became.

It appears, however, that this was all mere prelude. Now Sony has unveiled the secret formula that will propel the Vita to certain world-beating success, and that formula is colorful penguins that are playfully subjected to unspeakable trauma. Here at Gameological HQ, we’ve found ourselves mesmerized by the above 15-second Japanese TV spot for a new-and-improved model of the Vita, specifically the shots in which penguins are transformed into the very PlayStation Vitas they were just enjoying. After the first transformation, the ad also notes that the new model weighs minus-41 grams, hence its ability to float, and it is minus-3.6 mm deep, meaning that your fingers actually get a little longer when you hold it. Such wonders you can achieve under the metric system! And by murdering two penguins.

Later, a penguin screams (by my best approximation—it has been a while) “This is the way things ought to be,” a seeming surrender to his own inevitable transformation into consumer electronics. With Sony having mastered this dubious penguin-to-Vita technology, can Hank Scorpio’s fearsome hobo-to-mailbox scheme be far behind? I now present a video explanation of that pop culture reference in glorious YouTube shit-o-vision:

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5 Responses to “A Japanese PlayStation Vita ad promises better living through apparent penguin murder”

  1. Effigy_Power says:

    That is grade-A bonkers.

  2. NakedSnake says:

    Haha, I always loved that gag.

  3. George_Liquor says:

    I’d like to take the opportunity to point out that You Only Move Twice is the best thing in all of recorded history.

  4. Mark Knox says:

    Emphasis original is a bit of a thing now isn’t it?  I like it.  I always felt like putting sic at the end of sentences made it seem like there was a distrust the journalist felt for his source.  I wouldn’t mind seeing sic everywhere, actually.

  5. TheBryanJZX90 says:

    The tail end of the PSP’s life cycle seemed to have much better games than it’s initial years. I suppose most of them were ports, but I really enjoyed Tactics Ogre, Persona 3, Final Fantasy Tactics, Half Minute Hero, and Gran Turismo. Maybe the PSP never caught on with developers in the West, but I don’t think any handheld has.