Since its launch, the Vita has often given the impression that it’s doomed to suffer the same slide into irrelevance that befell its predecessor, the PSP. But after filling out its library with an influx of cool indie games and a bunch of “Cross-Buy” titles—games like Guacamelee! (emphasis original) that give you both a Vita and a PlayStation 3 version with your purchase—the Vita has evolved into a nifty little accessory for game lovers. It’s not essential by any means, but neither is it a glossy brick of sadness like the PSP eventually became.
It appears, however, that this was all mere prelude. Now Sony has unveiled the secret formula that will propel the Vita to certain world-beating success, and that formula is colorful penguins that are playfully subjected to unspeakable trauma. Here at Gameological HQ, we’ve found ourselves mesmerized by the above 15-second Japanese TV spot for a new-and-improved model of the Vita, specifically the shots in which penguins are transformed into the very PlayStation Vitas they were just enjoying. After the first transformation, the ad also notes that the new model weighs minus-41 grams, hence its ability to float, and it is minus-3.6 mm deep, meaning that your fingers actually get a little longer when you hold it. Such wonders you can achieve under the metric system! And by murdering two penguins.
Later, a penguin screams (by my best approximation—it has been a while) “This is the way things ought to be,” a seeming surrender to his own inevitable transformation into consumer electronics. With Sony having mastered this dubious penguin-to-Vita technology, can Hank Scorpio’s fearsome hobo-to-mailbox scheme be far behind? I now present a video explanation of that pop culture reference in glorious YouTube shit-o-vision: